I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.(warning; sucide

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Hello, I'm a 22 y/o female and I've been diagnosed with PDD-Nos but since it's not in the DSM any longer and everyone focuses on another disorder I have so I can't even ask about the PDD-Nos. I was diagnosed with PDD-Nos after the highschool I was at noticed there was something wrong with me.
Or if I have it, I don't know.
[WARNING; Child abuse details]

I'm not very high functioning, I had to take this test thing to get onto disability and SSI and scored very very low, meaning my functioning is crap. This was back when I was 18 and just got out of a hospital, every time I bring up I want to get a job and education and stop being so useless everyone just looks at me weird. I'm also very physically sick and faint a lot, migraines every day, dizzy spells, and my blood sugar won't stay up but no one cares until I'm in the ER over it anyhow. I'm very weak and thin, even though I don't feel it. I really want a job regardless.
I was kept out of school to hide abuse and my parents could not be bothered to put me in school. When they did the school would call child services because my condition was bad. I lasted in middle school for about 3 months total because I was too sick to function, and my mom would not take me to the doctor.
I got to try and take a GED pre-test and classes at 17 and almost got it but my mom would not let me take the actual test. Now whenever I ask someone else for help because I can't do phones or drive they say I should focus on other things. They never say what, but none of my therapists or social workers have believed in me.

I feel very slow, I don't process things very fast. I feel like my english can be jumbled, and people have a hard time understanding me. They can't follow me or I start in the middle of a thought or I leave things out. Everyone treats me much younger than 22 and I'm not nearly as phased as my friends by other's childish behavior. I find it very friendly. I sometimes have a hard time with jokes or understanding what people mean so I just ignore them. This gets me in trouble sometimes obviously. I can hardly understand most instructions given to me. People are always surprise that I'm in my 20s because how I act but I don't really understand what they mean, but I do know now that I'm not normal, going on what others say.
I'm very odd, I guess. I can't handle loud noises they piss me off or scare me. I have weird pet peeves and phobias of certain patterns, foods, noises and small details. I can't stand most patterns because they make my skin crawl. Certain noises make me rage. I'll get hung up on small details and obsess greatly over new hobbies. They basically become what I'm known for. I twitch weirdly, rock back and forth, pace constantly, make repitive gestures, pick at my skin, repeat myself, etc.
I'm very emotional, withdrawn and I do not like socializing. People either say I'm rude/mean/scary(even though I'm tiny..) and that I need to grow up and do as I'm told. This happens mostly in hospitals, outside of hospitals I don't run into very rude people who order me around much so I'm not as rude back. One of the hospitals put 'psychosocial' on my diagnosis and I don't know what that means.
I just need to have things one way and if it breaks the pattern I know I don't like it.
I can't understand other people well in person, online it's a little better and I can try to help via text but I can't understand voices well, so that also messes with me.
Online I seem more functioning I guess but people are still surprised by my age because I act so young? I don't know how I'm supposed to act 22. I'm just mimicking others. I try to dedicate myself to helping others anyhow, I don't feel like I have any other point to myself without it.
I don't have any friends in person, I cut everyone off and my family still keeps in touch but acts weird around me, like they're scared of me.
I also have a history of suicide attempts, running away from the abuse, abuse, etc.

But overall I just want to stop being useless IRL and living on SSI. I don't want to go to another group home like people always suggest, the one I went to was horrible.
No one I talk to about this tries to understand why I can't use phones, they ignore that I can't understand the other person half of the time, I don't have personal information like my ssn, I can't get an ID because my mom lost both my ss card and birth certificate.(Believe me, we've tried everything to get around this, social workers and everyone for 4 years have been trying to get me an ID)
I just want to work and be useful. This stuff makes me want to die because I'm useless and might as well die.

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time. Are you still living with your mom? Was she your abuser? It might be important in thinking about how to get past this situation.

You are not useless, believe me.

I could relate well to some of the autism related stuff you wrote. You are very open and in a way reading your story eased my own pain.

You say you don't know what is wrong with you. But I feel that maybe all the wrong is not at all in you, but most of it just surrounds you. People judge other people and their abilities often very wrong, just based on bias, social norms, few idiots and so on.

I think your chances in getting a job are pretty good despite the problems you describe. I got my first opportunities in the working life through social workers and after that experience, it was easier to get work on my own. What kind of jobs you have in mind?

I resonate with everything you said. I am not useless and neither are you. Who gets to define "useless"?

You have found us and we welcome you. Most of what you said is not unusual here. After awhile of talking to other aspies with similar problems, we begin to improve our perception of ourselves, especially if it's based on others' opinions that have been slammed into you since you were very young and small.

I can't offer solutions but I'm angry at the way people treat you. Come back and talk to us a lot, together we'll find a way.

That birth certificate thing really bugs me. Obviously your mother is no help; she's a hindrance.

Do you know anybody (or could you ask here) who has Ancestry.com? Because your birth certificate is probably there.

Come, you're not alone any more.

It's worth looking at Ancestry.com, especially since we're only going back 22 years. I didn't guarantee it would be there. It's just worth looking.

It sounds like you have been through a lot in your 22 years. I think there are a lot of people on wrong planet who can relate to a lot of what you wrote.

You are able to articulate yourself well in writing. I am sorry you have to constantly deal with those in your life who don't understand you. I know how frustrating it can be when you don't have a diagnosis/label to be able to hand others to help them understand you better.

Maybe you could try volunteering in some capacity to help you feel a sense of accomplishment and it might give you meaning since you already like to help others. You sound like such a kind and interesting individual.. Hang in there.

I just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. Though your difficulties are beyond anything I've experienced personally, I can can least relate somewhat to the frustration of feeling like people underestimate you, and of wanting to do more to feel useful.

I'm going to echo the advice of another poster: go volunteer! You can typically commit to as little as an hour or two a week (or more if you'd like), you'll get training on what to do so you'll gain new skills, and you can put it down as experience when you apply for jobs. And best of all, you'll contribute to your community in a way you can feel good about.

I recently decided to volunteer at my local animal shelter, because I love animals, and want to spend time with them and help them find homes. Are there any issues you care about, or are interested in? Is there anything you like making that could maybe be donated?