Update on life

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Being janitor at the campgrounds where I live, just days before the 4th of July, I was told that the restrooms looked the best they had in years, but after the 4th and barely being able to keep up with all the lazy bums who don't flush the toilets and smear crap EVERYWHERE which I clean up for them, in addition to the acts of other vandalism including people dyeing a countertop pink, removing a stall door, and a few others then, I was whined at for not emptying the trashes as fast as they wanted. No gratitude, even though I'm doing this work for free, so I'm leaving. It's getting to be 100 degrees in my home and I'm working every day for free, so I can't buy a new air conditioner and the neighbors who are nice and keep saying that they will give me one that's in their storage locker still haven't gotten around to it. I found out that the previous janitor left crying after putting up with the same verbal crap from Doug and the same literal crap and blood and pee from lazy bum customers. So, now they can find someone else to convince to work without pay. I'm sad about having to give up my birds which I've cared for for over a decade, but if Jackie had come back I could have worked somewhere where I'm paid enough money for everything - including the house she wanted. But no, no words, just ever more silence and passive breaking of our marriage vows while I've been seeking reconciliation with her for most of the time she's been gone. I'm still willing to, but this is on her. I've done everything I can and I can do nothing more. The RV is still in her name, it's hers to deal with too. I still haven't thrown away anything belonging to her which her brother's friends missed when they ransacked our home, and I'm going to bring everything with me so that if Jackie ever seeks reconciliation with me she'll see I've loved her enough to not treat her junk like trash even throughout the time in which she has treated me like trash.

There are other jobs you can do for free where they will treat you with more respect, it's good that you are walking away from this one.
I know it is still tough going dealing with the marital breakdown, but you are doing it, getting through each day and at least going through the motions of living life, keep going . You're not there yet, but some day the pain will ease, doing jobs where people value your efforts will be much better for your mind than this current position.

Thanks, though with my stepdad wanting me to sign a contract in which I'd agree to let him throw me out whenever he feels like it, not letting me take my birds, and wanting me to get rid of Jackie's belongings, I've decided to just keep working. It really stinks to get no gratitude, but I still have my independence and living in the home where Jackie and I spent 3/5ths of our marriage helps me to remember her and to not give up on her. I wish I were getting paid for my work in money that I could spend on clothes and video games, but it's better to be here than with my stepdad or 1,500 miles away in the same city where my brother Joel was killed in a drive by shooting with so much shotgun fire that his remains didn't even look human. So, I have no real choice other than to not give up on my covenantal wife, not that I want to except momentarily when I think about how she has wronged me but that passes and I really do love her, and I hope God shall reunite me and my wife soon, preferably before winter.

Jackie had finally written me again, after 362 days of silence from when she last wrote me herself, when she said "sorry for your loss, Patty was a good bird."

Here's what she said:

Please pray that God will keep working in Jackie's heart so that He changes her will so that she shall return while we can still raise a family of our own. Also, does she really think I care more about a silly chess piece than her? If it would bring her back, then I'd light the chess set I inherited from my dad on fire. So, please, everyone who believes in God and that even faith the size of a grain of a mustard seed can move a mountain, pray for Jackie and me to have both of our wills alogned with God's revealed will in Scripture and finally be reconciled within this year. Also, a working air conditioner, more birdfood, a "real job", a least on that pays money for my work, and a PS4 along with CoD Infinite Warfare would be nice, but more than all that other crap I really want my wife and I to be reconciled, reunited, and never separated ever again. I love my precious lady Jacklyn.

I really do love Jackie.

Here is why I will not persue a relationship with anyone other than my covenantal wife Jackie: according to the Bible we are still married regardless of whatever the state says, and our lifelong vows are not broken even if they are still violated by my lovely bride for now. It is my hope and prayer that she will be brought to repentance and reconciliation by the Lord God Almighty while we can still raise a family of our own, but even if we never have children of our own, I want to spend every day watch Star Trek and MLP together and lovingly kiss and cuddle every night. God brought us together Jackie, so love Jesus please and love me, your husband, too.

https://youtu.be/ilG1eFGQdVI

I'm not going to give up on you Jackie. By our lifelong vows before God and according to His word, we are still married. Sorry I'm not rich, but for you I'm willing to work every day in places I hate while you eat out, sew teddy bears, do college or whatever you want to do - so long as we're together again, I don't care if I'm doing everything. I would like a prenup that excludes no-fault divorce and divorce in general though, which will help me to trust you again after what you've put me through by abandoning me for so long, but if you'd just try then we would be reconcilied immediately. You know this. You know I still love you, and for as much as you pretend to hate me I know the you that I married would never leave me - so whatever has taken over you, may it leave now in Jesus Name and may you return to being yourself again and return to me too. I love you Jackie, I really do. Sorry we may not have a house for a while still, but if you had stayed then we would have been able to save up over $10,000 for a down payment already while I worked and you enjoyed doing whatever you wanted as usual. Love you Jackie.