My mom desperately wants me to be straight and white

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My mom's always praised me for my light skin. Even today she praises me for looking like white celebrities. She considers me white and she acts weird when I don't consider myself white. I am mostly white, so it kind of makes sense to consider me white. She also attributes my non-white features to European family members. This has caused some identity issues. They're not usually too bad because I live in a pretty colorblind city.

What causes the real issues is my mom considering me straight. There is nothing remotely straight about me. I'm bisexual at best, but not the kind that can be considered straight. She also likes to exaggerate how feminine I am. She thinks I'm girlier than the average girl. I'm not. She also jokes about me being straight, tries to set me up with men and says what she thinks my sexuality is. That has included going through a phase, straight leaning bisexual, not caring about gender and asexual.

Meh, my mom accepts me as the son whod be happy with a male or female partner. However she wants me to marry a person who is Japanese. She also aint so fond of me wanting to try crossdressing. On ethnicity there are no issues. We are a big mix anyways, a mix of Bavarian, Ashkenazi, Sinti and Blackfoot. My dad is brown, black hair and hazel eyes, my mom is dark blonde, blue eyed and pale and while I count as white my skin has a yellow tan, got chestnut brown hair and green-turqoise heterochromia.

The white is a minority thing. For most of North American post colonial history, white has been the best thing to be. Socially valued higher.

It's complete and total BS, bit you're going to have a very hard time getting that conditioning out of her head. Success is very unlikely.

Ditto the "straight." It's a cultural valuation thing, it's embedded in here understanding, it's because she loves you and wants the best for you, and it ain't gonna change.

Even though it's invalidating, sick, pathological, and frankly revolting.

Try to love her in spite of it, and don't you dare let yourself internalize it.

Basically, she probably can't change, but her opinions on the matter can go suck an egg. You are who you are, you are beautiful and delightful.

You posted a photo of yourself in another thread, and you looked white to me. So, you're probably going to have to accept that that's the way the world will see you. Sorry, but I think your ideas about being another race are mainly aspirational.
Your sexual orientation is, obviously, entirely up to you. I would encourage you to follow your honest feelings/attractions, though, and not to try to fit an orientation just because it seems novel or exotic. I think that may be at the heart of your mother's concerns.

According to your pics, you are whiter than me. Why do you not consider yourself as such? Is it because of some kind of negative connotations of people who hate themselves because they care about skin color?

Is your mum east asian, OP? Just wondering. Or possibly Indian...I know some east asians and indians put a lot of favor on lighter skin tones and put too much meaning/importance on it.

No, thats not right. Their house their rules applies to behaviour, dos and donts at home. But you cannot force a sexuality on you child thats not his/hers. Its wrong, and makes you a sh***y person if you try that...

Peace
TK

I agree. Devil Kisses is an adult.

As long as she doesn't bring girls home to make love in her bedroom, then the parents can't really impose their sexuality standards upon her. It's her right as a human being to be straight, gay, queer, etc.

Well..White is the priviledged race, and straight is the priviledged sexual orientation in most situations. Not better. But with higher status.


It would be nice if your mom were less overbearing and would be more tolerant of you seeking your own identity. But its not a mystery why she would pick the higher status race, and the higher status sexual orientation to wish on you.

But here is the thing:if you had been born into a family of White bread WASP north americans with blue eyes your parents wouldnt make a fetish out of how "White" you look. Your "Whiteness" would be taken for granted. I agree with you that your mom does seem to be making a fetish out of it. And she wouldnt do that if both you and her were not actually of Mesitizo South American background, and were not of mixed blood.


And its possible that she has issues of her own, and that she projecting her own insecurities about her own heritage onto you. You might try to point out that your projecting nose probably comes from the Incas of the Andes, and that you have Asian/Amerind shaped eyes.

If your mom looks like you you might wanna point out the similar non european origins of her physiogamy as well (tit for tat). Lol!

But even if you had been born into a WASP family like mine (even a liberal one) your mom might still be nudging you toward heterosexuality.