Spiderpig wrote:
I had that problem, too. I finally learned to shut up when I began to understand why people routinely defeated me by pointing out that I wouldn’t have the balls to tell them the same things to their faces. And this happened even though I didn’t intentionally insult them; rather, after I objected to their ideas, they were quick to steer the argument into attacking me personally and I’d spend the rest of the time in a futile attempt to defend myself.
that's unfortunately where the art of "debating" actually lies in practice. "
ad hominem", and how to respond to it. if you're in a situation where simply ignoring personal attacks will have actual consequences (which is usually the case in high school, for instance), then you're doomed, and there's probably not much you can do other than try to keep your distance and find someone else to associate with. when it doesn't have actual consequences though (this website itself being an excellent example), then you can practice and practice and practice again
the first thing is, you need to keep your cool. people
will try to anger you, it's simply how it works almost invariably. but even if they're attacking you, it's not about you, it's about them. it's just what they do, and you just happen to be involved. with that in mind, the second thing is learning to spot when people are cherry-picking or drifting away from the topic itself and talking about marginally related things that happen to evoke more emotion (especially anger, because anger tends to be destabilizing and it clouds your judgement)
when you notice that someone says something in order to make you angry, that means
opportunity. they may be winning from an intimidation-based standpoint, but they're actually vulnerable from a rational standpoint. arrogance is blindness. don't attack them back, and don't instantly show your arguments either. just pretend you're buying into whatever crap they're saying, and keep asking questions about it. the key is to use
their own arguments against them, because they'll inevitably contradict themselves
or, short version: proving yourself right is largely irrelevant in debate. you prove your opponent wrong instead