I can't believe how moody I was in January.

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It was back in January that I was suicidal, and worried about my bowel condition. What in the hell was I all depressed and worried about? The loss of a friend or an object is nothing to get suicidal about. I also shouldn't be ashamed that I need disposable underwear for medical reasons. I was also thinking about starving myself to death, until two weeks ago. I've changed my tune, when it came to that. I'm following a weightloss programme, and at the same time, accepting my body type, until I reach my goal weight, which explains the change in my avatar and title. Why did I waste the month of January feeling sorry for myself? Why didn't I think to make all the positive changes, back than?

Nothing lived is wasted; nothing written is a waste, no thought is a waste and nothing spoken isn't a waste.

For you...you had to go from “there” to get to “here”; "there", whilst feeling...in retrospect quite negative and a waste of your life allowed you to get to "here" – the now that feels quite positive.

You cannot have one without the other.

Yay your happy again

The best thing for me to do would be to put the start of 2007 behind me.

I like you too!

Try and live for the future.

There may be hormonal or biochemical reasons for your moodiness. If you have something like IBS or Krohn's, the ongoing symptoms as well as any meds you may be taking may be distruptive to your dietary intake, which may be adding to the problem. A good diet and regular exercise would easily help with that, as well as realistic and positive thinking.

Also, simply the sense of empowerment one gets when they set goals and start a weigth loss or other self-improvement regime often helps. However, this can be fleeting, and vanish as soon as you hit a snag or bump in your routine, so be aware of that. Don't let something little like a bad day make you lose focus of your overall goals.

As for your medical problem, I understand. I don't have a bowel problem, but PCOS, which is a rather pervasive hormonal condition that can affect many parts of my body, including my weight. I know what it's like to have your own body "betray" you, like you have to fight against your own body to live with some degree of peace and dignity. There's always some amount of anger that comes with that feeling of powerlessness, and it's best just to be honest with yourself about how you feel about your condition. Once you can be honest with yourself, you're more in control of your prespective and outlook. This way maintaining a positive focus on constructive goals is easier, and you're less likely to self-sabotage somewhere along the way.

Good luck to you!

yay!

and it's hard... i'm up in the NW of the USA and it gets dark super early and stays that way til late in the morning... sometimes i wouldnt even see the light of day (due to working inside so much)

it's just depressing... no way around it. winter sucks unless you can just have a big snowball fight and go sledding and play

CR, you live in an area where the days are shortest in December and January. Maybe the lack of daylight affected your mood? I know it did with me -- there's a stretch of time a handful of weeks on either side of the end of the year in which I walk to work in the dark, I walk home in the dark, and can go an entire work week without being exposed to sunlight. And I noticed my mood getting really dark around then. So when I realized what was happening, I started to go outside during my lunch hour if it was sunny out. It helped.

Anyway, the timing is about right in your case...