responsibility problems.

Post Reply New Topic

I always seem to have problems with money. Used to be I never knew where my money was going, but things have changed since then. I have one bill, every month I pay my 65 dollar cell phone bill (I never understand why its that high, its not supposed to be, its supposed to be 40 dollars. I never use it but once or twice a week). I am fortunate that I am borrowing a vehicle for work from a well off relative (I avoid other bills that I'd have trouble paying by living with my mom. I don't pay anything on it just gas and some mechanical work, and boy does it need work. It seems like every couple of days since I got it something new is wrong with it. I suspect that it was in an accident slightly before I got it, in a few months I will be in a different working position making a lot more money. Enough that I can afford to get my own car.


Rewind, so I pay 65 dollars a month on a cell phone bill, and I've avoided paying much for mechanical work by using a mechanic I know well. So why am I having money problems, well my problem is not having money. It seems to be using it to help other people. Like today for instance. I was helping my dad move a fridge and bed he bought on craigslist to his house, I did not ask anything in return, I even drove to his house so he wouldn't have to bother driving me home (he asked me to do this, he's trying to keep the truck from my sister who has been irrisponsible and insists every day she needs to drive my truck, meaning I end up paying for a lot of her gas).


So my dad bought a fridge for his new house. I said to him, hey moms been asking for a new fridge since her old one broke two years ago when you two seperated, why couldn't you have given this one to her (it was a nice fridge, and my dad only paid 150 for it)? He gave me some long explanation of how he doesn't have as much money as we think he does. What did I do? I said I could give him a loan, and so I did. Tomorrow I have to help him move the fridge to our house with the truck I've been using. I'm giving him a 200 dollar loan from which he's going to pay me back 50 dollars a month. My dad makes more in a day then I do in most pay periods, even before he went into business for himself he was making sometimes as much as 80 dollars an hour (my mom says he makes more now, but I don't know anything about it).


Okay I'm getting the money back, but thats just one of many occasions since I've been back from being in the army where I paid for something or fronted the money for something that my mom needs. She's taking care of her children, 9 of them live in her house... Yet my dads not particularly interested in paying for things they need.


Then theres my sisters whose always using the truck I was loaned but always gives it back to me with less gas then when she got it (she asked my relative if she could drive it, and he said she could as long as it doesn't interfere with me getting to work). This is the same sister who thought she could just ignore the oil light for a whole day, then drive a car the next day after that and think nothing would happen (the car I am now trying to find a new engine for, the mechanic told my dad he could replace the engine for two grand total, but no. He said he'd rather give it to the kidney foundation then let my sister have it again. So now I get it and I get to work on getting a new engine in it. I'm thankful for the car, but I'm worried that something news gonna happen with either the truck or the car when its fixed and I'm going to end up paying for it).


My sister has a debit card, its linked to my account. Funny thing my moms name was on the account, my mom was letting her use it to pick up things for her because my dad wasn't giving my family enough money (this was going on when I was in the army, I had a steady income back then, my income won't be steady for a few months). Now that my moms got a job and moneys okay she seems to be using it for herself. My mom keeps saying she's going to take the card away and give her a reasonable amount of money each week. Until my mom does, I have to deal with random 40 dollars charges here and there that I don't recognize at all. My mom puts money into my account sometimes, but I really don't think it adds up to the amount being spent without my knowledge.


I feel like I'm taking a lot of responsibility for other people. I don't know how to deal with it, and I am really not good with telling other people no, even if it is in my best interests. I know my mom needs that fridge, I'm willing to pay for it. But I feel like its wrong that my dads not. I don't like paying for whatever random items my sisters buying, or her gas (I hate confrontation, especially with my sister. She's difficult, and I know she'll deny these things)... I feel really uncomfortable with her driving the truck I'm worried she's going to do something to it (my mom tries to stop her, but every day she makes up some outragious story, this has been going on for two weeks now). Even when the cars fixed, theres multiple keys to it. She had her own, if she doesn't change her outlook on things it wouldn't surprise me at all if she just took the thing and didn't even say anything to me.


My sister isn't supposed to be driving. She has her permit. Got ticketed with a minor in the car for speeding. The judge said she had to write a thousand word essay in two weeks, and that she would have another court date in two months. She didn't turn the essay in, in late June she goes back to court. She's supposed to lose her license for not writing the essay. The judge told her that he would take it for as long as the court would allow.


I feel like I'm often paying for the fact that other people won't take responsibility for themselves.

Sounds like you are dealing with a complicated family situation there. I like my family but my situation got too mixed up with problems when I was living with them. Have you thought about moving a little farther away from them for a while? Maybe they would stop expecting so much from you?