Living with no goal and little hope

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Hi,

I have been living without a real goal for a few years now.

It used to be easy: your goal is to grow up, finish school, get a job. You always had something to work towards, as a teen. But now, as an adult with a job, it is fully up to you to fill your life with something. And currently I am at a loss.

I enjoy singing and thought I could be in a band one day, or be a singing teacher. I entered a band two years ago, but it is not as enjoyable as I expected, and my skills are not good enough yet to be a teacher and probably will not be within the next 5 years at least.

Other than that? I really don't know. My job is somewhat pleasant and pays well, but it's not exactly something that makes me feel like I'm doing something 'useful' or 'fulfilling'. I do have a few friends, I guess, but I am constantly unsure of whether we qualify as friends and if so, whether our friendship is 'good enough' and actually means anything to the other person. No relationships so far and none in sight. I wish I could have a pet but can't in my current flat, well, no cat or dog at least. I guess I could get a guinea pig or something...

I regularly feel alone and lost, despite knowing I have everything I need, objectively speaking. Even if I can convince myself that my friendships are real and I am getting better at singing, I still feel a constant 'so what?'. Like.. is this all? Am I just gonna work all my life and meet my friends every now and then and then die?

I used to be pretty sunk in dream worlds and games and books as a child, but you cannot do that to the same extent as an adult. I want more but I don't know of what.

I assume this is far from an individual feeling but right now I cannot really imagine ever getting to a point where this feeling of senselessness ends.

I totally can relate to feeling that way. What you said about finally being adult specifically resonated with me.

One thing I do know is that I've felt that way before and the feelings do go away (even if they take quite a bit of time). You will experience ups and downs in your life and be very happy at some points and feel very lost and alone at other points. I think that must be a normal part of the human experience.

I know how that is
Everyday is a struggle and next day will be the same. I don't know why I continue most days.

Hugs

Hi, You have a lot going for you since you have a job and some sort of friends. If you enjoy singing, how about joining a choir? You would meet some new people, potential friends, that way too. Do you have a hobby? I'm 63 and semi retired, just work a part time job now. But during my 30 some years as a teacher, my "goal" was to visit the National Parks here in the USA. I could only do that during summer breaks, but during the school year, I would research and plan my next park visit. Do you enjoy traveling? Maybe your goal could be to plan a trip? Or try out some new hobby. I have an uncle (now deceased) who did not discover he had a talent for painting until he retired and had time to try something new. What things do you enjoy and what are you passionate about? Also if you can find a way to help others, you might find that rewarding. Just some suggestions.

That's pretty much I how feel. I'm 37 with no hopes, goals, dreams, purpose, etc. I sometimes laugh when I see a TV commercial or something that says something like, "Only you can follow your dreams." I'm always thinking, "I fooled you! I don't have any dreams to follow!"

I have a job that pays pretty well, however, it's boring and unfulfilling on any level. My life consists of an hour commute to work in the morning, trudging through a boring, unfulfilling job for 8 hours, an hour or more commute home and then staying home by myself and watching TV or playing a video game. Some evenings, I'll have to run some errands or pick up groceries, but that's about it. I don't have anyone I'd call a friend and I simply can't think of anything I want to do by myself so there's no reason to leave the house.

They say the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. I'm definitely not insane so I see no reason why anything in my life will change and thus have no reason to feel hope.

The weird thing is that except for visiting National Parks, I never had any dreams or goals in life. I didn't even participate in planning my own wedding, I never had dreams for it. My dad was a teacher and my two siblings were teachers so when I was in high school and the guidance counselor asked me what I was going to do after high school, I told him I was going to be a teacher because I wanted to get him off my back and not have to talk to him anymore. So I became a teacher. Now days other ladies will ask me what "project" I am working on because they are quilting, or knitting, or something. I don't do any projects. I just exist. I love playing with my dogs, but I don't do projects. I think existing is a goal though isn't it?

yes. this is all

that's not necessarily a bad thing though. you climb the mountain and you reach the summit. now what? you look around

at least for me, it's satisfying to know that i'm not missing out on anything even if i'm not doing anything. it's comforting to know that this is all there is, no matter what "this" may be at any given moment. and the things i pursue in life are the ones that help me feel more and more like "yes, this is all". and i achieve this by doing something different. there's a paradoxical beauty in it