Out of touch with news . Plus , size .

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With no TV , radio , or Internet-with-sound in my room , big things end up happening and I never hear about them till decidedly later , either through the Net of (charmingly retro , anyway) through newspaper headlines .
I am really minus posting time , I cannot detail this now , but...
As for my size , I should point out that , aside from the water- and regualr food-weight fatness , which I may have a little potential control over , I have a really big frame , feet (fit in Sz. 15 Payless shoes) and shoulders ~ and I CANNOT affect THAT .
Frankly , some of my clothes now are maybe too small .
However , large-size clothes , briefly , are expensive and hard to find .

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Being so poor , not even having a TV/DVD I am SO!! !! ! out of touch with things - and things that I loved ! !! !!
For instance , I have not seen any classic Warner Brothers cartoons for many years , I believe , reading a Looney Toons Wikia just now reminded me of that .
And , there are SO mMANY movies ~ from across the years ~ I have wanted to see , maybe even for decades - but never have .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I am absolutely traumatized by all of the movies coming out lately that I cannot ever watch. There are too many of them, and not enough hours in the day, or the week, and not nearly enough money to get access to all of those movies. And people keep asking me if I've seen them, and then they are so shocked when I haven't. It makes me want to hurt myself.
All of that, and I also have to keep reading books. I barely have time for that, even though I'm unemployed.

When I take breaks from reading, I come here, and my internet issues make it so hard to even find where my posts are, even when I click the "my posts" link. It still somehow does not make sense.
I so badly need help. And I can't even get an appointment with anyone. Then I'm told to stop whining, and that makes me no longer think of hurting myself, but of hurting others instead.
Where does it end?

...An example of my having been i a " technological timewarp " I picture myself , if I ever have a real place/some $ , " catching up with some movies via renting DVDs ~ But is was brought home to me that apparently " the cool people " of today " watch Netflix/VOD/buy , if they must , a download version " ?
I am just so behind now...

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

The only "advanced" thing I do is to watch YouTube.

Otherwise, I watch ballgames live on TV.

...Mets ?
Yankees ?
You DO (I assume) have that " basic computer knowledge " I don't .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!