Whenever my older brother crosses my mind, it makes my blood boil greater than anything else. He has treated me worse than any other human being on this planet has done to me.
Even when I was a little boy, he would berate and talk down to me. I couldn't tie my shoes until I was about 11 or 12 and he would take every oppurtunity he could get to mock me for it. I wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up and he would say it was a stupid idea because it wouldn't get me a lot of money. Whenever I had an idea or concept, he would shoot it down. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion, only him. He would also hurt me physically if our interactions got really heated up and he would always win. I didn't play sports or was very physically active so my muscles were underdeveloped (They still are because exercise just doesn't work for me) and I was easily overpowered.
He always stole the social spotlight from me at school. Everyone wanted to talk to him as well as hang out with him. He would have friends over constantly while I was often left alone in my room. I was often told by girls "Your brother is so hot!" and "Hey Mark, where's Patrick?" to the point I felt like no one cared about me. Sometimes I was even confused for him since we did look alike in some ways. He was and still is a sexist, a homophobe, and a racist but yet he got all the friends and girlfriends while I was pushed to the wayside.
He doesn't live in the same house with me anymore but I still dread it when he comes back to visit since his drinking and smoking bring out the worst in him. Combined with his psychotic religious beliefs, he can become a complete monster. He once even told me I was going to Hell for not agreeing with him on his religious beliefs and he attacked me physically.
He has done so much psychological damage to me that there is no way I can ever forgive him. I really think it's his fault my self-esteem has been low and why I didn't have any girlfriends in my developmental years. The damage still goes on to this day.
11 Sep 2016, 11:51 am
