To Do: Everything. Overwhelmed, under-organised.

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Since I moved home and changed jobs, I've been overwhelmed with a long list of urgent "Things To Do" that really needed doing 10 months ago. I am permanently exhuasted and confused. I get nothing done, and chaos has spread to affect my daily routine. Which was poor at the best of times: I was never one of your sorted, logical, hyper-organised Aspies.

Occasionally I get it together long enough to cross one job off the list, messily and badly. The effort kicks the crap out of me.

This week, I finally put curtain rails up. On the third attempt. Ten months after moving in. After filling in the ragged, chewed-up holes left over from take one and take two. The result is functional, but I was so busy trying to level the rail I didn't notice I got one of them off-centre by 8 inches. Then I went into work for the evening. I'd set my old foot injury off while fighting with the curtains, so I was in agony, and I was constantly on the edge of a panic attack. I spent half the shift hiding in a cupboard, which I only got away with because my supervisor's off. Weekend plans are now cancelled while I recover in a darkened room.

Please tell me I'm not alone in struggling in this way!

You're not. My to do list is as long as my arm. The first item on my to do list is to write it all down so it will be an actual list.

You're not alone. I have the same struggles, although it's been worse for me in recent years, and I used to be more organized though never "super" organized. Just enough to make me happier than I am now in my current chaos.

Blind leading the blind here, but the theory goes, baby steps, small chunks, think of sections or single task rather than "the whole place."

Also, try not to judge yourself harshly for what you believe is a job messily or badly done. I know it's hard not to be perfectionist, but when a person is already battling executive functioning issues such as this is, it's a triumph just to have completed something at all, even if it's not perfect. Pat yourself on the back for each thing you get to cross off your list, as long as it's been done to what you know is the best you could give. Even if that's not perfection or the effort took so much out of you that you had to settle for "good enough." Sometimes you have to soften standards just to stay focused on the fact that you are actually getting something done in the first place. Don't be too harsh or you will tend to squash future motivation.

Instead of using to-do lists, which can become too long and overwhelming, I split the day into three parts with different goals and themes.

The three themes are:

1 "What Supports Me"
This section of the day is apportioned to maintenance activities of any kind and for me this is the morning part of the day:

- personal maintenance (eg making or going to doctor or dentist appointments; showering, styling my hair and so on)
- general maintenance tasks (washing clothes, shopping for food and other necessities, paying bills and so on)
- tidying up and cleaning (making the bed, changing the sheets, washing the dishes, cleaning out the cat's tray etc)
- special maintenance tasks (fixing things, Spring cleaning jobs, feeding/repotting plants, weeding the garden
Some days I just do one of these things only. The number isn't important, forming and developing the a focused mindset is the key to this stage.

2 "What Pleases Me"
For me this is afternoons. It is any kind of pleasurable activity or outing which is pleasant for me to do. Today I have been making chutney. Yesterday I went foraging for a particular edible plant that grows wild here. I may go to a film, or read a book. Any activity as long as it is legal and pleases you! Hobbies fit in here. It could be playing a musical instrument or favourite records. Whatever raises your feel good levels.

3 "What Restores Me"
For me this is most evenings. (Exceptions are things like family dinners that require expenditure rather than restoration of emotional and physical energy). The key to this part of the day is renewing my energy, so it is a passive part of the day, focused on relaxing activity. For me this is things like reading, watching tv, sitting with and stroking my cat, doing deep relaxation, listening to the radio, having an early night if I am tired, pampering myself in some way (like a foot bath , reflecting on the day.. it may mean doing nothing at all if the day has been strenuous.

For me the key to being organised and getting things done is [structure + focus}, and my tripartite day helps me immensely to live my best life. It's far more flexible and pleasant than facing an endless to-do list which can be overwhelming and depression inducing. That never worked for me.

the long list is a blocking thing, keep it on some last page, for reference
make a list in the morning, with one extra to do thing and the normal routines
i even schedule taking a shower or changing clothes, or it won't happen easily
because of the clutter of all the tasks that aren't even on a list

You´re not alone - I assure you.

I have these issues too. Currently my best strategy is to preview the coming day each evening, and if there are must-do's (e.g. doctor appointment) I put it on my organizing white-board to make sure I don't forget it entirely.

I try to have grooming and regular meals every day. Sometimes I just flake and do nothing all day, and when it's looking like that, I'll give myself permission but return to chores tomorrow.

Be sure to praise yourself when you DO complete part of your list, no matter how small. Don't merely cross it off or use a checkmark to mark it done. Tell yourself you did good. Don't focus on all you did not do; focus on you completing something. Maintaining a positive motivational state is really important to functioning better in the future.

Good luck.

I have the same trouble. Cleaning the bathroom should be a ten minute job, but I have to break it down into intervals to get it done.

cleaning the bathroom is an all-day job for me. things that take regular folk 10 minutes to do take me forever. something is missing in me noodle that normally handles those things well in other folk.

Thanks for all your comments on this!

I really am going to have to go back to "bad times" rules- the things I learned to do when I was not overworked but WAS severely depressed. That is, keep sustainable, moderate activity going, and remember to praise myself for it, however stupid that feels...

You are most definitely not alone.

Me too. I wish normal people understood this. People just think I'm being slow on purpose, or that I don't care and am not even trying when I'm trying as hard as I can, going as fast as I can, and pushing myself way beyond what's healthy -- all the while knowing that it will never be good enough.

ever since I was a little kid people have been telling me to get my head outta my tuckas and hurry up.