raped and never allowed to talk about it

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I was raped when I was a `6-yr old virgin (Note: Yes , it was MTM rape , I am a male .) , and , years later , my own FATHER cut me off when , feeling angry , I finally wanted to talk about it , and , said he'd call the Crisis Intervention Team people and have me put away if I tried to tell hime about it ! !! !! !! !!
he also said " You probably enjoyed it " .
My (theiving from me) cousinns said ' Talk to a professional . " . - I. e. , a WHORE , someone who gets paid for it , I am so repulsive that only that person can hear from me .
I hate all psychatrists/psycologists anyway - pretty much .
They f*ck*d up my life .
If you work for a Criiss Intervention Team
I HATE YOU . F*ck you ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
If only some blood , that I coulkd tell about it , would then hold me and console a=me and say " There , there , itll be alright " .,
Never for me .
I am repulsive and homeless , any " charity " psyh - WHORE - would be treating me as a at-a-distance " charity case " , I certainly wouldn't be allowed to cry and maoan .
If I could just have a place to myself where I could make noise and cry FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE .
I've sometimes thought that the rapist (who said , when he started , " I'm going to kill you when this is over " - After , he didn't , he offered me money , which I rejected . - really was meant to have killed me . My whol;e life , maybwe , went downhill from there .
I'll bet my rapist went to college . I never fukll-out did . (And , for instance , applying to my then-Satate U. , they cashed my check for an application but DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER to send me full rejection sluips for what they rejected me for .
I have posted here before about " never getting to go to college " .

Perhaps hitchhiking to another place would work? Have you considered becoming a Catholic monk? Maybe confessing your story to a priest will help? I'll pray for you, hope it helps! Please don't lose hope, and don't hang around where people will treat you like you said.

I'm sorry that this happened to you, and that you didn't get justice or support. I can't say I'm surprised, as I've heard similar experiences. Creating your own family out of friends/like minds might be the best idea. Some people just can't give what you (the universal "you") need or aren't willing to, even if it's completely reasonable (love, support, communication, etc.). Best of luck to you.

You are a good person, and I'm sorry this happened to you.

Your father sounds somewhat like my father who is a 'wage war -er'. My mom is Aspie, and my dad is kind of the anti-aspie. He really is. and he's a bully. They have stayed married but it has not been a happy marriage. The hard part is, from something my dad told me I am reasonably sure he was sexually abused after his older brother went off to college after he was 7, essentiallly leaving my dad all alone, with two alcoholic parents.

I have had bad experiences with so-called mental health professionals, starting when I was 17 with this idiot who did not take my father's violence seriously. Then a guy I saw at age 24 mainly pontificated from the sidelines. And that's largely it, they have some little pet theory, which seems more important to them than the human being right in front of them. Then they can't really connect emotionally. In fact, their whole ideology is that it would be "unprofessional" for them, I guess to feel compassion or human solidarity for a client, or to get angry on the person's behalf. Or, they put a person in a box, that you are supposed to think this way. Or even if it's something lilke primal scream therapy, that you're supposed to feel this specific way. And no, not necessarily, a person might feel a different way and that's okay. But not according to their theory. So, they are ideologues, true believers, 'be righters,' (them "being right" is more important than the client's life going well), etc. And this third doctor recommended medication for my struggles with OCD and became huffy when I asked a question and one follow up question. He literally said, "I'm not going to justify my diagnosis." Jesus, well it's only my life. So no, I have not been real impressed with so-called mental health "professionals".

Now, here might be an opening, a survivor's group where as an older person, you try and help other's 60% of the time, and receive help yourself 40% of the time gnerally speaking overtime. Now, you still need to get that approximate 40%. And if the leader is a damn psychologist or a damm PhD, even if he or she is a rape survivor, I might bypass the group. And if the group is dictatorial or even just too leader centric, I might still bypass it. You want a group with several low-key leaders and you can at times be one of those leaders. If it feels right, and taking it step by step. And not as an obligation. I mean, nothing is dryer than some self-imposed obligation. But if it feels like an open field, that might be something substantially more positive. And I think a person can skip the occasional meeting as need be, or even take a sabattical as need be. And you're not really a member until you've attended four times, I think something like that.

George Zimmerman's cousin has made allegations of Zimmerman molesting her starting at the age of six. In her case, it never made it to rape. (This is the George Zimmerman who is now on trial for the murder of the Martin kid.)

The girl's mother reportedly told her that if she tried to report it to the police, they would probably lock her up instead.

Have you considered tracking down the rapist and doing something to him? It might be cleansing.

Revenge is tricky business , and there has to be a better way.

ASS-P, you have already potentially helped people by letting them know that they are neither crazy nor imagining things if their family also is not supportive. I mean, like with your dad. He was spectacularly not present. He was spectacularly nonhelpful. My own dad is both a 'wage war -er' and a 'be righter.' I mean, he would rather 'be right' about something than have someone's life go well even a member of his own family. And he verbally out-and-out attacks people, I think because he believes if someone else is wrong that makes him 'right.' Your dad sounds like he might be even worse.

And provided the right people read what you wrote, you have helped people. Please continue posting when it feels right, both here at WrongPlanet and elsewhere.

Too many people believe, oh, if only the child would have said something to someone in the family. No, in all too many cases, the child correctly perceives if he or she says something it will only make things worse.

...I have tended to feel my dad was more helpful/supportive in ost things - warmer then my mother , anyway .
In the years after she died , we grew closer - Perhps he felt " he had littlle else " left , for one...
It might have been seen by someone non-complimentary to me (Like Richard Benson , who said some non-complimentary/nasty things about me on my " Amputate " post that someone then took town , I was glad that people defended me there but I did not ask for his posts to be taken off .) that , in his later years , I " sponged off of him "/got lots of money off him...I don't know that there were many other more desireable things available to me ,attempts of mine to " go back to college " during those years blew up in my face for example

...I'm Episcopalian_the Episcopal church does have monks , though , and i have fantasized though maybe it's on the level , at least somewhat , of " something ' tough ' that seems like something I could never do in real life " , like being in the military , although , hey , I managed to do about a month total of county jail time - non-violent/minor offendors - so , hey , Mr. Macho Bohemian .

[
...I'm gonn a talk about this more...Do you feel that monk-ness , that lifestyle , would cover up sexual trauma ?
To be honest , I think that on a certain level , modern monastaries (which I think are more , um , " selective " than they used to be) tend to see past abuse/rape as a " Be careful " checkpoint on the record of a potentiial , um , " enilstee " , maybe not seeing it as a 100% " Keep Out " but , anyway , a " Be careful " .
I do tend to look up monastaries' web pages , however...And , since this is the Haven , I'll say that I've tended to have mastabutory fantasies about being a monk ! !! !! !! !! !! Sorta against the " concept " , huh :twisted?:





quote="appletheclown"]Perhaps hitchhiking to another place would work? Have you considered becoming a Catholic monk? Maybe confessing your story to a priest will help? I'll pray for you, hope it helps! Please don't lose hope, and don't hang around where people will treat you like you said.[/quote]

...I should give a belated correction that , in the first line , " 16 year old virgin " was intended , not what actually went up .

[q

...Considering my economic shape/position maybe I could receive the 60% ?
I mean , for " being noble/giving back " I did , when I was in jail , end up listening to some 18-yr old burglar (who had been caught burglarizing , thinking he he was a" a great burglar " because he wasn't caught when it just was that he didn't have any fingerprints on file ! then he went to get a driver's liscence and left fingerprints on file and whaddaya know , there ya , his DL was going to be arriving just as he was in the joint/jug/pokey...) tell his pathetic life story , being born H-addicted was the least of it...Hoo boy . A series of horrendous mother figures , an abusive (African-American - he was maybe a teeny bit prejiduced - Maybe just not PC in his expressio of thoughts , but , given the no-good boyfriend , maybe understandable...) BF of the last one...he was optimistic about his GF and their upcoming chuild , howevs . There , I was " being noble/opening up my heart " there .
I mean , at my age , my status - um , " amount of stuff " , too - is NADA - .
I have no " status " in the world , I've never " accomplished anything " .
No B.A. degree , even:-( (which my parents did - I can get crying about this .) .
Of course , I remember the " nice " feeling of listening to the burglar .







uote="AardvarkGoodSwimmer"]You are a good person, and I'm sorry this happened to you.

Your father sounds somewhat like my father who is a 'wage war -er'. My mom is Aspie, and my dad is kind of the anti-aspie. He really is. and he's a bully. They have stayed married but it has not been a happy marriage. The hard part is, from something my dad told me I am reasonably sure he was sexually abused after his older brother went off to college after he was 7, essentiallly leaving my dad all alone, with two alcoholic parents.

I have had bad experiences with so-called mental health professionals, starting when I was 17 with this idiot who did not take my father's violence seriously. Then a guy I saw at age 24 mainly pontificated from the sidelines. And that's largely it, they have some little pet theory, which seems more important to them than the human being right in front of them. Then they can't really connect emotionally. In fact, their whole ideology is that it would be "unprofessional" for them, I guess to feel compassion or human solidarity for a client, or to get angry on the person's behalf. Or, they put a person in a box, that you are supposed to think this way. Or even if it's something lilke primal scream therapy, that you're supposed to feel this specific way. And no, not necessarily, a person might feel a different way and that's okay. But not according to their theory. So, they are ideologues, true believers, 'be righters,' (them "being right" is more important than the client's life going well), etc. And this third doctor recommended medication for my struggles with OCD and became huffy when I asked a question and one follow up question. He literally said, "I'm not going to justify my diagnosis." Jesus, well it's only my life. So no, I have not been real impressed with so-called mental health "professionals".

Now, here might be an opening, a survivor's group where as an older person, you try and help other's 60% of the time, and receive help yourself 40% of the time gnerally speaking overtime. Now, you still need to get that approximate 40%. And if the leader is a damn psychologist or a damm PhD, even if he or she is a rape survivor, I might bypass the group. And if the group is dictatorial or even just too leader centric, I might still bypass it. You want a group with several low-key leaders and you can at times be one of those leaders. If it feels right, and taking it step by step. And not as an obligation. I mean, nothing is dryer than some self-imposed obligation. But if it feels like an open field, that might be something substantially more positive. And I think a person can skip the occasional meeting as need be, or even take a sabattical as need be. And you're not really a member until you've attended four times, I think something like that.[/quote]

...As it (at present) says slightly above this -
www.wrongplanet.net/postt233381.html
I am prone to this " Pushing ' New Post ' when I mean ' Reply ' thang , I mean:-(.........

whether a person is victimized at age 6 or 16, I don't know if it makes that much difference. I guess in theory if a person is older he has more resources to call upon. But the way not just some parents but many parents wage war upon their teenage children, I'm not so sure about that.

You're still a good person. And I'm still sorry this happened to you.

And it sounds like you did a good job listening yo the young man in jail for burglary. Sometimes listening with an open heart is all that's needed. And if you get filled up, can just decently and briefly say you need some time to think on your own things.

And 60%? Sure. I think anything in the broad 30 to 70 range.

sorry ass-p,hope the living circumstances and head stuff get better!
am not back on here long after several years break,but are one of the few people am very familiar with the posts of on here,woud definitely be a great councilor for survivors of rape.