Oops, did it again... *sigh*

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I've been growing into this pattern of falling for these guys with zero interest in me and I always embarrass myself by not picking up the cues, going into too much wishful thinking, and pursuing them to the point, I think, of social inappropriateness.

This time I really made an ass out of myself and this time at my place of employment. It's hard to get into detail, because I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. Basically, I sent him some texts, which he never responded. The one before last was a drunken one where I told him my feelings. He never responded. I sent him another one saying I was drunk and I was sorry, let bygones be bygones. He never responded. He started acting rude towards me, glaring sometimes, others noticed he got in a pissy mood around me. I sent him another text basically saying there was obviously some bad blood between us and I wanted it to go back before I said anything. Never responded. That was a week ago. Before, when a guy rejected me, they responded and they would use their words. Plus, this guy, I thought, was flirting with me before. So it was was hard to pinpoint what exactly was up.

Tonight I needed closure. So, after work I confronted him. He said he didn't know how to respond to the texts, that I upset his girlfriend, and he said several times something to the effect that he's just there to work and we just keep things professional.

That's just just the stuff I'm willing to talk about. Ultimately, I feel like an ass. I've been having a very stressful time with the passing of my dad, dealing with his estate and the people that go with it, and to have this situation for all my lap, it put me in an emotional tailspin that made me feel like was being neurotic at times. I coped with drinking, which in hindsight made things worse.

I should've picked up on his social cues and I fear he now sees me as threatening and creepy. I also fear he may have told my coworkers. I really should've known better. I'm too old for this s**t.

You know this. You shouldn't have sent the texts on your job. Next time, try not to do this sort of thing.

I'm sorry you're in your situation. It's pretty tough.

I would just, from now on, deal with the guy on a professional level.

He might not tell his coworkers, for various reasons.

Someone had to say it. It's a tough pill to swallow, but swallow it I will.

I have no plans on interacting with him unless necessary. I've been over him, but that fact it happened and I'm viewed as a creep feels pretty awful.