Anxiety and being overwhelmed by everything

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Hi,

recently I've felt really stressed and anxious a lot and I wonder if I actually have 'anxiety'.

Reason currently is that I will be moving into a new flat next month. Somehow everything seems to much. I am worried about how the move will go and often wonder if I'm forgetting something. For two days in August, when I had to drive back and forth through the city a lot to fill out paperwork and such, I was so tense that I couldn't eat anything except one pear all day. Now I just got a call that I will only be able to move in one day later than I assumed so far and after the call my fingers started to shake and my heart is beating fast. I feel like I'm gonna cry or have a breakdown and everything seems too loud suddenly.

Like I know that this move, however it will go, won't be the end of the world. But it's like I cannot bear any stress at all. I just want to be left alone and not have to plan or make decisions. I know that's completely unrealistic and I do want to be an independent adult. But every little thing seems to completely throw me off course And then there's my mom, who will be helping me with the move and loves to b***h about everything I 'do wrong'. I am planning to make this the last time I need her help with anything and afterwards become completely independent, but it's so hard and I feel like an incompetent child right now.

Your reaction is a bit beyond how a neurotypic would react to moving into a new flat. Not that far beyond that we could not understand your reaction, in particular the finger-shaking and heartbeating after you heard that you couldnt move in the day you had thought seems a pretty normal reaction for a not so cool person, but it is still a sign that you need to take care of yourself. Anxiety is the right word for it, but also for the smaller scale a neurotypic would experience the same thing. I would not go as far as naming your reaction and worries an anxiety disorder, but it is somewhat in between a normal experience of anxiety and an anxiety disorder.

Could you get some help in addition to that of your mother? Think also of other areas than the matters directly related to the new flat, like taking more days off from your job or studies, getting some decent food prepared by others, or housework. Not only right now, but also in the weeks after you have moved, because it would be good to recover a bit and not to have too much to do during the time you adapt to your new surrounding.

Does it make sense to ask your mother not to blame you too much for doing things wrong or different from how she thinks you should do them, and insisting on that this stresses you even more? And at the same time condition yourself so that you dont take it too badly if she keeps on bothering you?

Moving the house is a tough thing for nearly everbody, unless you have the money to charge others to do everything for you (Or just two suitcases to take to another place, I had that when I stayed in foreign countries, and it had been so much easier!, I still have a comparatively minimalistic approach to furniture and books and all for that reason.) I have met quite a lot of people who were all of a tizzy or somewhat standing beside themselves when they moved their house, at least for certain periods of time. That is why I offer my help to friends and acquaintances, if I hear that they are moving and have time. I try to calm people and make them focus on one thing at a time, or taking a break when they need one. Unfortunately you live too far away. But you could still blame me for not being there to help you , if this makes feel you better.

I mean this really makes the difference: As many things can go wrong, and with all the stress, more things going wrong, you are not supposed to be perfect (I mean in any case much less than in normal situations). What we neurotypic manage better is to calm ourselves down, and quicklier, often partly due to parents that guided us a better in emotional regulation/stress management as a child, and we have a better chance of having supportive friends and family that can handle us better in emotional situations and be really helpful with whatever needs to be done.