I don't want to live no more

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I'm a little depressed & crying. I'm depressed cuz of my upstairs neighbors, I can hear almost everything. I HATE being sensitive to noise, it can be sooo painful to my ears, when I have enough, I scream, I CAN NOT take it anymore! If I get earplugs, I can't hear the tv. I have nobody, my family don't understand me, they make me feel sooooo alone & very scary. I hate life, I hate that my mom is gone.

Hugs
Does your tv have a headphone jack? If so you could listen with over head earphones and only hear the tv.

At least you can cry.

My meds make it impossible. I want to cry, and all I get is a bottomless pit of sorrow I cant crawl out of. Combined with a COMPLETELY and UTTERLY lack of willingness to take my own life, I am left with a blind hope for happiness that will never come.

How about opening another tread titled "Cant take it anymore that I am sooo sensitive to noise." You should find here quite a lot of people who feel (sometimes at least) equally exhausted and depressed by this.

It helps already to know that others are also going up the walls for the same reason.

That lack of emotion other than sorrow, and of will, is part med, but mostly depression.

A friend of mine who suffered from it when younger, said that once when he was particularly down, hardly able to hang to the barstool (he staged it when he told me, and it was quite impressive), one colleague of his just looked at him for a long time, he could feel that she fully recognized his state, and that she did not judge him, just being with him in his feeling of total exhaustion and "pit of sorrow". Even if you dont have anybody like that with you, some parts of humanity are able to be like that, to have this attitude towards you. Your hope might be a little blind, not completely. In fact you know that it is like that, and that it should be more like that.

That friend of mine suffered for years from depression, probably for most of his life, and it was only like 15 years ago that he started to feel better: he had kind of a dream of not being able to grasp himself at a rock any longer, then finally gave up and fell, but instead of falling down, he was sucked away sideways. Now his life is different, "normal" so to say, or actually better than normal. It is stupid, I know, but experiences like these can come, it might take a long time, sometimes they might be halted by the wrong meds, they even come relatively often, even if it take years, and they can make a big difference.

Nor do i.... but were here so...

I agree that tou should get headphones, probably over the ear wireless... im a frequent headphone user as i like drowning things out...

If you wanted to actually go do that for yourself... ill help you pick a pair out and figure out how to hook it up with what you got...

Theres soooo many reasons to wanna give up on life that arent so easy to address, but unwanted noise is a fairly easy fix...

Translate this for me, and I might be able to respond with more defeatist diatribe.

Why should I? To make it worse? So that you can respond with a more defeatist diatribe?
Take it like it is.

Last edited by Evam on 29 Sep 2016, 11:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Noise is probably my biggest trigger for meltdowns. This morning I went for a quiet walk through the fields, all of a sudden I've got two dogs barking their heads off at me with an irresponsible owner who had no control over them whatsoever. They were only small dogs, but she was screaming at them whilst they carried on barking like mad and circling me as I tried to walk away, the noise from both her and the dogs was overwhelming and I just lost it and bellowed at them to all leave me alone and unfortunately I swore as well. It'll take me days to calm down, weeks to get over and I won't be walking through those fields anymore for fear of running into them again. At least I don't have noisy neighbours to deal with but I know what that's like and, having been through it, there's always the anxiety that I'll face those problems again. Noise sensitivity may be the worst thing of all in being autistic for me.

It usually helps to bark back at little dogs. They will remember next time. Under these circumstances, the owner should also not be terribly upset because of your swearing. So no reason to avoid those fields.