Why do I keep wanting to die?
09 Oct 2016, 6:00 pm
I really can't do ALOT of things anymore. I'm having more anxiety even when I'm cleaning or taking out my trash, doing my laundry can be too much. It is more hard to understand what I'm reading, I read Aspergers are high in intelligence & lacking in other things, but it can be very hard to understand things. And I'm soooo sick & tired of some of my family members think they know better than me, those people make me want to scream & throw my iPad across the room & never want to talk to them again, how can I not talk to them since they are family? Even my family makes me feel sooooo alone & very scared. I wish they would understand me, I'm not the same person I was when I was younger.
Can Aspergers make you worse when you get older? Or Aspergers take time in decades to get worse? I know something is wrong with me, I don't know if is my Asperger or I have ADTD too. Now I can't stand my cat meowing alot, I'm getting mad at her. I feel like I can't survive in today world.
Ban-Dodger
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14 Oct 2016, 11:07 pm
Does this have anything to do with your physical-health ?
Many of the members of these forums seem to have or had similar experiences (whilst I will not be pulling up the threads and past posts of these occurrences I assure you that it's not uncommon to be able to find similar descriptions of others' experiences here either).
Any condition can be improved and, concerning the so-called Asperger's Condition, you can use it to your advantage if you can learn to control your thought-patterns. This might be difficult to do on your own if you are not trained in how to meditate like a martial artist, and reversing negative habits or negative thought-patterns is not an over-night process, but there are a number of people here on these forums who have taken my advice in the past to make use of hypno-therapy to help improve their conditions, and even eventually later posted how they found that it helped.
A lot of the forum-members here seem to have this rigid adherence/disposition towards only seeing a licensed/qualified psychologist/hypno-therapist (although I have studied and researched many aspects of psychology for many years by now), but if you exercise the self-learning aspects of your Asperger's Condition, I believe that you can do a lot of self-correcting (I am amongst the self-correcting types of Aspies so yes I do a lot of my own studying/research, and have found that binaural-beats/isochronic-tones can have its intended effects, provided that it's used in both a consistent and disciplined manner, and many of said frequencies can be found right on You-Tube).
Before I finish and post my response, I need to inform you that I believe that nutritional-habits have a LOT to do with our moods and emotions and over-all health, and I boycott anything that contains sugars (refined/process) and stay away from anything that contains High Fructose Corn Syrup whenever possible. Reason being is that I know for a fact that those unnatural sugars fall into the same category of drugs and that withdrawal symptoms from said drug includes a high rate of irritability (what I do consume primarly consists of fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, filtered/purified water, locally grown meat, mushrooms, and various types of nutritional supplements of iodine, kelp, ginger, flax seed, fish oil, etc).
Finally, I would like for you to read a book, you can find it for free on-line. The author is Dr. Carl Wickland and its title is 30 Years Among the Dead (this may help give you and others a clue as to a potential answer to your thread-title).
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15 Oct 2016, 4:13 pm
Hi Kitty4670.
How are you feeling?
I'm guessing, because the title of this thread is, "Why Do I Keep Wanting To Die", that you might be depressed, maybe chronically.
I'm not guessing, because you said so yourself, that you have anxiety.
I'm also not guessing, because you said so yourself, that you suspect you might have ADHD.
I went to a psychologist last year and asked for an evaluation for autism, but he really asked me all about my life, and I left with diagnosis's of autism, ADHD, anxiety, and pervasive depressive disorder. And the things that you describe happening to you remind me a lot of the way I feel. Maybe you could schedule an appointment with a psychologist for an evaluation.
I'm not sure if autism spectrum disorders can get worse over time, but I am pretty certain that depression and anxiety can get a lot worse if they are not treated.
The fact that you have autism increases your chances of having digestive disorders. If you have digestive disorders, it can be difficult for your body to acquire enough of the molecules you need from the food you eat to manufacture the neurotransmitters that you need to stabilize your mood, leading to anxiety and depression. If you have anxiety and depression, AND ADHD, that's a good sign that your neurotransmitters might be off kilter.
I've recently started to take a supplement called 5htp to help regulate my depression, anxiety, and motility. 5htp is used by the body to make serotonin. You can google how that happens, if you like! I've read that it can take two months to feel the effects of 5htp, but I felt relief from the depression almost immediately, and the anxiety is slightly better, even though I'm not even taking the minimum dose, yet.
I am not sure about the ADHD because I've read very little about it, but I think that if the anxiety improves, it will be a little easier to focus, and comprehend when reading or something similar. At least I'm hoping so!
Here are some links to get you started:
http://drkaslow.com/html/neurotransmitt ... etion.html
https://www.healingwithnutrition.com/aminoacid.html
http://bebrainfit.com/balance-neurotransmitters/
I know that's a lot of reading to do when you're having trouble focusing! I'm sorry about that, but just take your time.
I notice in the last link that when they discuss acetylcholine supplementation, they offer all kinds of advice about how to increase your choline intake, which most people get plenty of through their diet, but I don't think they say anything about boosting your acetic acid intake, which is the other part of "acetylcholine". Most articles I've read focus on choline, and say nothing at all about acetic acid, for some reason! I had no luck increasing my choline intake, but as soon as I started to take acetic acid, I had dramatic results. I am getting extra acetic acid by drinking 3 tablespoons of organic coconut vinegar with the mother, every day. Most people get apple cider vinegar, and that's okay too! Most people mix it with water, or honey, or other flavoring, also. Not a lot of people are getting 3 tablespoons of acetic acid in their diet every day, unless they eat a lot of foods that have vinegar in them, like olives, Italian dressing, or hot sauce.
I am taking acetic acid because acetylcholine is a neurotransmitter that is supposed to have an effect on increasing dreaming or dream recall, depression, improving digestion or motility, and relieving muscle spasms. I was having problems with all of these things, and so I thought that acetic acid was a good guess for me. It has improved dream recall and restorative sleep (I feel more refreshed in the morning), depression, and chronic, painful muscle spasm. I haven't noticed much difference with motility, though!
As a side note, I tried SSRI's with no improvement in my depression. I have read that the reason for that might be because the serotonin levels were already too low to make a difference. SSRI's work by recirculating the serotonin that's already in your body. If there is not enough serotonin to begin with, they just don't work. Instead, you need to boost the serotonin, which is why I chose 5htp. However, a person can have too much serotonin, also! So you have to proceed with caution.
It's also common for people to have luck with SSRI's for a while, and then they just stop working.
Some people have a lot of luck taking vitamin D3 for depression. Do you know if your D3 levels are low? Many people who live in the northern latitudes have low D3, and your doctor can test for it. I never have had luck with it, but I know a lot of other people really swear it helps them a lot with depression.
Not everyone will respond to the same medicines, herbs, therapies, or supplements! You do have to do a lot of reading, and try things that seem safe, and make sense for you! Always consider things like other medicines that you're taking, and allergies, other conditions, etc. before trying a supplement!
I don't know if supplementation would improve the way you feel. I just thought that your descriptions sound a lot like what I'm going through, so I wanted to offer a possible solution.
Hang in there!
15 Oct 2016, 5:14 pm
Something is wrong with my muscles? I was born with weak muscles, I can get my muscles stronger with exercise.
A lot of the forum-members here seem to have this rigid adherence/disposition towards only seeing a licensed/qualified psychologist/hypno-therapist (although I have studied and researched many aspects of psychology for many years by now), but if you exercise the self-learning aspects of your Asperger's Condition, I believe that you can do a lot of self-correcting (I am amongst the self-correcting types of Aspies so yes I do a lot of my own studying/research, and have found that binaural-beats/isochronic-tones can have its intended effects, provided that it's used in both a consistent and disciplined manner, and many of said frequencies can be found right on You-Tube).
Before I finish and post my response, I need to inform you that I believe that nutritional-habits have a LOT to do with our moods and emotions and over-all health, and I boycott anything that contains sugars (refined/process) and stay away from anything that contains High Fructose Corn Syrup whenever possible. Reason being is that I know for a fact that those unnatural sugars fall into the same category of drugs and that withdrawal symptoms from said drug includes a high rate of irritability (what I do consume primarly consists of fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, filtered/purified water, locally grown meat, mushrooms, and various types of nutritional supplements of iodine, kelp, ginger, flax seed, fish oil, etc).
Finally, I would like for you to read a book, you can find it for free on-line. The author is Dr. Carl Wickland and its title is 30 Years Among the Dead (this may help give you and others a clue as to a potential answer to your thread-title).
You wrote alot of stuff, I wish I can understand it. I read Aspergers are high in intelligence & lacking in other stuff, it is different for me, I am lacking in intelligence & high in other stuff. I can still understand alot, but I have to try harder in things. Someone gave me a link that said Aspergers can make you worse with age.
15 Oct 2016, 5:55 pm
How are you feeling?
I'm guessing, because the title of this thread is, "Why Do I Keep Wanting To Die", that you might be depressed, maybe chronically.
I'm not guessing, because you said so yourself, that you have anxiety.
I'm also not guessing, because you said so yourself, that you suspect you might have ADHD.
I went to a psychologist last year and asked for an evaluation for autism, but he really asked me all about my life, and I left with diagnosis's of autism, ADHD, anxiety, and pervasive depressive disorder. And the things that you describe happening to you remind me a lot of the way I feel. Maybe you could schedule an appointment with a psychologist for an evaluation.
Psychologist is a good idea, is it like a therapist? I forgot. I been forgetting ALOT of stuff with my Asperger, but I'm trying to remember things, playing games help alot.
I have Asperger & Cerebral Pasly, I also have Psoriasis & I think I have Psoriatic Arthritis.
Not everyone will respond to the same medicines, herbs, therapies, or supplements! You do have to do a lot of reading, and try things that seem safe, and make sense for you! Always consider things like other medicines that you're taking, and allergies, other conditions, etc. before trying a supplement!
I don't know if supplementation would improve the way you feel. I just thought that your descriptions sound a lot like what I'm going through, so I wanted to offer a possible solution.
What is vitamin D3? I feel stupid for not nothing these things.
16 Oct 2016, 11:11 am
Yes, a psychologist is a lot like a therapist, or a psychiatrist. They are a doctor.
Cerebral Palsy, Psoriasis, and Psoriatic Arthritis are all conditions that should be carefully considered before you try any herbal remedies, or home remedies, especially if you are already taking medications for those conditions! You should probably talk to your doctor, and maybe some kind of holistic practitioner, like an herbalist, before trying anything new, especially since you are having trouble understanding things, and remembering things!
I'm always trying to double check, too, because I also have a lot of trouble with focus and comprehension. It's just safer to ask an expert!
Vitamin D3 is just a vitamin, like any other vitamin. Most of the time, people get enough vitamins through their diet. But while good levels of vitamin D3 can be gotten through eating a lot of certain kinds of fish, like salmon and cod, most people get most of their vitamin D3 through skin exposure to sunshine.
The skin makes vitamin D3 when you spend time in the sun.
People who live in areas with long, cold winters might spend a lot of time inside, and so they don't get enough sunshine.
People with darker skin need more sunshine to make the same amount of vitamin D3.
If a person doesn't spend enough time in the sun, and also doesn't eat enough of the right kinds of fish, their bodies can be low on Vitamin D3, and that's when it's a good idea to buy vitamin D3 at the store. It's probably in the same area where you can buy other vitamins and supplements, usually near the medicine aisle.
If your vitamin D3 levels are low, it can contribute to depression, low back pain, poor bone health (that can get bad enough to soften bones - leading to a condition called "rickets" in children or "osteomalacia" in adults), and also poor cognitive function.
Usually, doctors routinely test for D3 levels, so you might have already been tested. You could probably just contact your doctors office, and ask if they've already tested your D3 levels, and they should be able to tell you if you need to buy the vitamin, spend more time in the sun, or eat more of the kinds of fish that contain vitamin D3.
If you don't like fish, and you can't get outside, and you don't want to buy vitamins, you can get vitamin D3 from other food sources. Liver is one source. Some cereals have vitamin D3 added. But really the amounts are tiny, compared to the amount most people would get by taking a vitamin tablet, or sitting in the sunshine.
You would have to eat a lot of liver to get the same amount of D3 that is in a vitamin pill, or 20 minutes of sitting in the sunshine!
http://www.betterbones.com/bonenutritio ... min-d.aspx
You are not stupid for not knowing these things! Health is complicated! And the way vitamin D3 works in the body is actually beyond my understanding. I've read about how it's processed, and it's very complex, and hard to understand.
I think that the best thing to do is to call your doctor, and ask! Especially ask about depression, because if you are thinking about dying repeatedly, that's a serious medical problem. The doctor will have lots of ideas to try for depression. Some of them have been mentioned here, like meditation or vitamin D3. Some have not . . . the doctor might ask you if you exercise, for example.
I think in your reply to Ban-Dodger, you might have meant to say, "I can't get my muscles stronger with exercise", (there was a typo, that said that you can). But getting stronger muscles isn't the only reason to exercise! It can also help improve depression and anxiety, help to maintain your range of motion, and have other benefits. Because you have cerebral palsy, and arthritis, you would probably need special exercises so as not to hurt yourself, that's all!
You probably don't want to exercise to the point of making your arthritis worse, but just enough to help with depression, if the doctor says to exercise! A physical therapist can help you pick exercises that won't hurt you, and your doctor can recommend a physical therapist.
You are a unique person, and you will need to develop a unique plan to help with the symptoms that are bothering you over time. Don't give up hope, and keep learning. If you have to read things ten times to understand them, then just do that! That's what I do. It's time consuming, but when I finally comprehend what I'm reading, it's worth the time.
I'm sorry this is so long!
Keep in touch, Kitty4670! I'm curious to see if you find any solutions, as I can really relate to your story.
18 Oct 2016, 6:56 pm
Cerebral Palsy, Psoriasis, and Psoriatic Arthritis are all conditions that should be carefully considered before you try any herbal remedies, or home remedies, especially if you are already taking medications for those conditions! You should probably talk to your doctor, and maybe some kind of holistic practitioner, like an herbalist, before trying anything new, especially since you are having trouble understanding things, and remembering things!
I'm always trying to double check, too, because I also have a lot of trouble with focus and comprehension. It's just safer to ask an expert!
Vitamin D3 is just a vitamin, like any other vitamin. Most of the time, people get enough vitamins through their diet. But while good levels of vitamin D3 can be gotten through eating a lot of certain kinds of fish, like salmon and cod, most people get most of their vitamin D3 through skin exposure to sunshine.
The skin makes vitamin D3 when you spend time in the sun.
People who live in areas with long, cold winters might spend a lot of time inside, and so they don't get enough sunshine.
People with darker skin need more sunshine to make the same amount of vitamin D3.
If a person doesn't spend enough time in the sun, and also doesn't eat enough of the right kinds of fish, their bodies can be low on Vitamin D3, and that's when it's a good idea to buy vitamin D3 at the store. It's probably in the same area where you can buy other vitamins and supplements, usually near the medicine aisle.
If your vitamin D3 levels are low, it can contribute to depression, low back pain, poor bone health (that can get bad enough to soften bones - leading to a condition called "rickets" in children or "osteomalacia" in adults), and also poor cognitive function.
Usually, doctors routinely test for D3 levels, so you might have already been tested. You could probably just contact your doctors office, and ask if they've already tested your D3 levels, and they should be able to tell you if you need to buy the vitamin, spend more time in the sun, or eat more of the kinds of fish that contain vitamin D3.
If you don't like fish, and you can't get outside, and you don't want to buy vitamins, you can get vitamin D3 from other food sources. Liver is one source. Some cereals have vitamin D3 added. But really the amounts are tiny, compared to the amount most people would get by taking a vitamin tablet, or sitting in the sunshine.
You would have to eat a lot of liver to get the same amount of D3 that is in a vitamin pill, or 20 minutes of sitting in the sunshine!
http://www.betterbones.com/bonenutritio ... min-d.aspx
You are not stupid for not knowing these things! Health is complicated! And the way vitamin D3 works in the body is actually beyond my understanding. I've read about how it's processed, and it's very complex, and hard to understand.
I think that the best thing to do is to call your doctor, and ask! Especially ask about depression, because if you are thinking about dying repeatedly, that's a serious medical problem. The doctor will have lots of ideas to try for depression. Some of them have been mentioned here, like meditation or vitamin D3. Some have not . . . the doctor might ask you if you exercise, for example.
I think in your reply to Ban-Dodger, you might have meant to say, "I can't get my muscles stronger with exercise", (there was a typo, that said that you can). But getting stronger muscles isn't the only reason to exercise! It can also help improve depression and anxiety, help to maintain your range of motion, and have other benefits. Because you have cerebral palsy, and arthritis, you would probably need special exercises so as not to hurt yourself, that's all!
You probably don't want to exercise to the point of making your arthritis worse, but just enough to help with depression, if the doctor says to exercise! A physical therapist can help you pick exercises that won't hurt you, and your doctor can recommend a physical therapist.
You are a unique person, and you will need to develop a unique plan to help with the symptoms that are bothering you over time. Don't give up hope, and keep learning. If you have to read things ten times to understand them, then just do that! That's what I do. It's time consuming, but when I finally comprehend what I'm reading, it's worth the time.
I'm sorry this is so long!
Keep in touch, Kitty4670! I'm curious to see if you find any solutions, as I can really relate to your story.
I think I'm low in vitamin D, I'm taking vitamins, I'm wondering if I need more.
