Routine isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can be re-framed as being organised and self-disciplined if, for example, you have to go shopping on a certain day of the week at a certain time and go for a 4 mile walk on a specific route on another. It's a case of easing yourself into the right kind of routines, you're already half way there. I'd go mad without them, I've got to feel as though I've got some sort of control over the random chaos, which is what it all is in reality, but it is a struggle discarding the routines that only seem to make life more difficult. Getting myself into a situation where I wasn't under any pressure to do anything at all for a long period of time helped me get to grips with it, the less uptight I was - the less control I felt I needed to impose on the world, so then I could relax into patterns of behavior that weren't quite so at odds with what's considered normal, but that's easier said than done.
The sensible advice is usually to seek help, see a specialist and that sort of thing but the thought of doing that would always send my anxiety levels through the roof. Recognizing that you've got a problem and wanting to do something about it is always the first step however, and you'll most likely figure it out for yourself or reach the point where you force yourself to get practical help elsewhere. You will find a way to manage it somehow and there's no deadline.
As for blending in, it's the ability to put on an act. If I could go back in time and talk to my old self I'd say "Don't even bother trying, if you appear aloof and uninterested for long enough then somebody will become interested in you for that reason." If you're on the spectrum then you're more than likely never going to be comfortable in groups and will prefer to share the company of one individual at a time, so let them come to you. Not every musician ends up in a group, some of them go solo and can have just as much success as the groups do. You don't need to be able to blend in to make it in life.
16 Oct 2016, 9:18 am
