Feeling of a lack of purpose/meaning

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Hey everyone,

I recently quit a job that I was very lucky to have in the first place. I quit the job because I was commuting for up to 5 hours every single day. It tired me out so much that it made me question my existence and fed into my struggle with depression. I literally don't know what to do anymore. It seems that every way I turn my value is calculated by others as something that involves career/financial stability rather than anything else. With the depression, I've lost all sight of what makes me passionate in life and I sit at home each day wondering what to do. I try my hardest to look into self-employment but others around me doubt my plans. I doubt my plans too and have low self-esteem.

I don't even know what I hope this post will achieve. Maybe a place for me to rant/let off some steam. Maybe a space where others can tell me how they were once in my position and how they found themselves again. I'd say this was a classic identity crisis and although I know so many people in the world feel without purpose.. there are others who do and I hope that someone out there can tell me how they did that.

Yep.... 2 1/2 hours each way is a long commute. I commute about 1 1/2 hours each way.

What sort of job was this?

I can understand you feeling depressed about quitting your job. Just try to get a job in a similar field which has less of a commute.

I remember posting a thread last time I was on here and you answered me on there too. Thank you for doing that. 1.5 hours is also a huge commute, I feel for you! Its not so much fun when you have to do it and traffic is being aggressive/dangerous too.

Well, I was working in a Food manufacturing office environment doing lots of admin tasks and various paperwork related to it all. My title was a bit of a nobody's job title (Technical Assistant) in the technical department, but since I resigned I dont even know if thats possible anywhere else. I went for a job interview today for a similar position and was turned away because I have a lactose allergy and the manufacturing environment was filled with airbourne whey powder. I said if I was to wear a mask I would be fine but they still turned me away. I guess I could just keep plugging away at similar jobs (Quality Assurance) but there's something deeper in me that doesn't know if I should be defining myself through a career. I have values and that seems the only thing I carry with me. Values such as seeing the best for people, treating them well and understanding them, appreciating them, doing the best for the environment and nature and also realising that we are all at service to one another in the world, no matter what background we develop from.

I also realise this is a very autistic thing to feel too. A lack of identity must be incredibly common. Did you also go through this growing up?

I haven't really gone through a "lack of identity"--but I do see the "best in people," sometimes to my detriment.

Perhaps I'm not a "deep thinker"--but I've never thought I had any "purpose," per se. I just live and exist, and try to do the right and moral thing.

It seems like you think along philosophical lines. Do you adhere to a certain philosophy?

I, myself, take the "best" from various philosophers when formulating a theory of my own justification for existing.

I certainly think a lot of philosophers have come and gone with their good and bad ideas. I could say the same as you in that way really. Such as I believe in some of the Freudian discoveries/acknowledgements and find them interesting, but then again, I also like the HumanGivens approach to understanding why we are upset/unsettled. I definitely would call myself a more philosophical person but rarely get any chance to apply what I understand in any meaningful ways. I've been told to write things before and I try but have low self-confidence/esteem I guess.

It's interesting that you say you just tend to fit life around your ways and means, just living the best way possible. That would be such a better way of living I think and a lot less painful than trying to figure it all out. I also asked this question to others I know and they seem to say that they discovered themselves through exploration in varying ways. I think part of the problem is that due to being very analytical, I make sure to scrutinise everything I do and if I don't know if its Right/Wrong I tend to either keep it juggling in my head over and over or just dump it and try to not think about it. My difficulties tend to be around understanding others intentions/actions. There's just something in me which tries to dig out the answer, but perhaps sometimes that is counter-productive and I should be trying to become my "best version".

I don't know if you celebrate Christmas but Merry Christmas if you do. If not, I hope you enjoy the holiday period.

Merry Christmas to you, Rocker_C!

Merry Christmas also Phoenix. Have a good one.

In terms of purpose, I sometimes feel in life like an 'extra' or 'redundant' person.

One way to put it is if I was on a ship that required a crew of 4, I'd feel like a 5th person trying to act like I have a reason to be there.

I guess I feel like I need to be in a situation where I can be free to find or create my own purpose or meaning. For now, I managed to get work as a truck driver. I can be boring, but if I get the work done, I think I have a lot of autonomy and I'll be able to listen to music, podcasts, talk radio, or audio books while driving.

I might try to find time to continue learning computer programming and hope that can lead to telecommuting work and coding from anywhere.