Thinking about death every day

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Just to state this clearly, I'm NOT SUICIDAL.

I've always kind of been preoccupied with death and scared at the same time.

Some backstory:

I grew up in a Christian family, so as a child, I thought I would be going to a place called Heaven.

As I got into my teens, I fell out of religion but I still believed in God. When I got to young adulthood, I started questioning God and turned more towards Science and Agnosticism. After that, it became Atheism. After some experiences with some terrifying paranormal phenomena, I started to believe in "other beings" again.

Now, I'm kind of towards Agnosticism again.

I think about death everyday...like, how will it happen, when will it happen, will I go anywhere? or will I be stuck in limbo like a ghost? will it be a quick death or a slow and painful one?

I don't know what terrifies me more, the pain or what happens after....the thought of me being in an endless black void scares the hell out of me!

I lost my cousin who was like a brother to me, and I want to see him again so badly, that a big part of me wants to believe there is an afterlife and I'll see him again.

I want to research NDE (near death experiences) more just to put my mind at ease.

Is this normal to think of death so much?

Also, if this is in the wrong forum, please move it to an appropriate one!

Death is one of my special interests.

Whereto answering, the sea,
Delaying not, hurrying not,
Whisper’d me through the night, and very plainly before day-break,
Lisp’d to me the low and delicious word DEATH;
And again Death—ever Death, Death, Death,
Hissing melodious, neither like the bird, nor like my arous’d child’s heart,
But edging near, as privately for me, rustling at my feet,
Creeping thence steadily up to my ears, and laving me softly all over,
Death, Death, Death, Death, Death.

Which I do not forget,
But fuse the song of my dusky demon and brother,
That he sang to me in the moonlight on Paumanok’s gray beach,
With the thousand responsive songs, at random,
My own songs, awaked from that hour;
And with them the key, the word up from the waves,
The word of the sweetest song, and all songs,
That strong and delicious word which, creeping to my feet,
The sea whisper’d me.

The after-life is most-certainly a reality, but both conventional-science and main-stream religion have extremely mis-guided ideas about the reality of the para-normal, and I am only going to recommend one book for you to read to get started, then you can branch out from there... said book should now be available for nearly free from various sellers on Amazon (used to be that this book was very scarce, due to being out-of-print, and would have cost more than $400 to obtain, but I think something happened to cause a change in history due to Mandela-Effect Time-Travel Phenomenon, for I can no longer find the reference to the Nazi-Soldier in the book that I do factually remember having clearly read in it originally so I feel like I have been shifted into some sort of time-line where the Holocaust was prevented from ever happening).

Book-Title : «You Cannot Die: The Incredible Findings of a Century of Research on Death»
Book-Author : Ian Currie

Thanks for the book recommendation!

Ah the Mandela-effect...I too think there was some kind of shift.

Same for me: Definitely not suicidal, just aware that my death will possibly be the next big (and certainly final) event in my life. My body is worn and I can no longer do much of anything physical, my brain tires easily, my bypass surgery of a little over a year ago will only last for a few years and I now have only one eye that can read.

I also grew up in a Christian family, albeit quite dysfunctional, and I have since abandoned sectarian religion in favor of simply trying to endure rightly to the end (Matthew 24:13) where I do still believe "salvation" from the destruction of all evil awaits those who do.


I do not know what might or might not be "normal" in relation to thinking about death, but I would say it is typical for some of us to ponder the matter more than other people might...kind of like women of child-bearing age ponder the experience of giving birth while us older folks are wondering whether the weather at our funerals will be nice enough for our possible grandchildren who might be old enough at the time to be able to attend.

I do believe there is a Sovereign Creator, and I do believe we humans have been given an inherent sense of need or desire or whatever for coming to terms with that "Great Reality". Some people say there is no god at all, of course, and I would say that is their best attempt at what I have just mentioned. So with that matter aside...

If perfection in all of my attitudes and actions throughout my entire life is required for "salvation", I am doomed. If "by grace, through faith (trust and obey so all can be well with us)" I can be (or I am) forgiven, then I need not be concerned about anything other than precisely that.

I'm not squeamish about the concept of death---I mean, we all have to go sometime---but fantasizing about suicide was something I used to engage in much more often back when I still suffered from depression. The thing that kept me hanging on was when I thought about all the projects I wanted to complete.

Eventually I got curious and looked up testimonies of people who've actually been clinically dead only to be revived, and what they found on the other side actually didn't sound so bad to me.

I think about death every day - usually a sign that I'm depressed and not keeping busy. I worry about mine, but mainly the inevitable death of others in my life. I see a lot of sickness and death, though. Makes me wonder why people don't worry about their own death more - after all, everyone is going to have to go through it eventually.

To reflect on death very often is really to reflect on life equally, since they're aspects of the same thing. I think it is a perfectly valuable, sane, human thing, to commit much of your waking life to considering death. It's a respectable characteristic, and something to be cultivated, as far as I'm concerned.