Mummy Doesn't Love Me!

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I'm learning very quickly that the whole family thing is way overrated. All last week, I've had this funny feeling that I would be rejected by my own mother on Mother's Day. That prediction came true. I had Sid on the computer desk and she looked at him and asked, "What's that"? I've told her that he was just a character from a movie, and kept it at that. Five minutes, my sister came in with an extravagent gift that she bought for my mum, in The Dominican Republic. My mum opened the gift and than she preceded to give my kid sister two hugs, one after another. I had to stop my feelings from intensifying. I sure as hell know that I'm not her favourite, anymore. I've simply told my mother that I was going to lie down for a nap. I've walked into the spare bedroom, placed Sid on the bar stool that was beside the bed, I've burried myself under the covers and cried myself to sleep, repeating that in my ideal world, that everybody would be accepted as they are. I've heard my sister talking about the Bride's Maid dress for her next wedding and how it was a size 12 and that she's a size 8. I've just growled and shut the door to the spare bedroom. Than I've realized that Chico wanted to come into the room, so I've re-opened the door. I got back into bed and Chico cuddled up, next to me. As soon as he took off, my Pity Party started up again, and I was going on about Utopia and crying myself to sleep, again.

I fell asleep and had a dream about what Mother's Day was like, ten years ago. I was exactly like Austin Powers and I was showing off my silly sense of humour in the spirit of the first movie. My mum was finishing off with my sister's gift and than I've handed mine over. I gave my mum a fancy nightgown, a retro 1960s Ice Cream Scoop, and a Twinky. Mind you, that was back in 1997 and I was my mum's favourite, back than. Mum, dad and my kid sister were laughing about the combo that my mum pulled out of my gift bag.

...Than it hit me. I woke up from my dream. I've looked around the room. Sid was smiling at me, the way that I wish that my mum would have. It's 2007 and I'm a somewhat obese, semi-incontinent Punker, kind of like my little friend, and we both share the same accent. It's not 1997 anymore, and my mum's still getting used to the new me. I've caught my heart sinking for a third time, I've gotten up and put my trousers on, before somebody had the opportunity to walk in and see more than they needed to, I've put on my mum's Avon sweater and I've raced into the Computer corner, and placed my friend in a more discreate place. I've made myself some afternoon tea without the sweets or milk. Too many WW Points. Than I've preceded to post, while listening to YouTube. I was able to hold my emotions together, until I got back to my place.

I rather have a cup of tea with milk and sugar than a hug from my mom. Come to think
of it that is what I did yesturday.

Some people like material things, I do. When some one starts looking at material things as gauge to love, problem. So if Mom or anyone else thinks the size or type of gift is the gauge of how much the love is, that's their problem and not mine. I won't shoulder their problems, it is not healthy for me to do so. What I do for myself, well if it makes me feel good and builds my self confidance, then I'll spoil me to death. Up to a point. Where that point is, is different for everybody. I'm not depent on material objects, but it can be an addiction, more then a few that have the shopping habit that get's them into serious trouble. Moderation is key there, unless it interferes with my obsession and then moderation be damned Take away my computer and I'll hurt you, lol.

It's difficult with families. Obviously, I don't know your family other than what you've written in your post, but certainly from my experience, there are limits to what you can expect from families.

I was abused by my parents and have had to accept that I am just better off without them. I no longer speak to my Dad as even now that I haven't lived with him for a while, he still lies and tries to trick me - he even tried to make me homeless by tricking and intimidating another member of my family and being very deceitful.

I only speak to my mother once a month - and that's only because she has her own problems so I feel bad for her even though she has treated me very badly in the past.

Obviously, I can see that the problems you are experiencing are not 'abuse' although they are still very hurtful. I know it feels awful and it seems hard to understand - we're taught that parents are 'supposed' to love their children and are 'supposed' to be accepting and why, if you are a good person, should they behave like this towards you?

I can't answer the question of why your mother behaves like this - but all I can say is that what made thing easier for me was just accepting that my parents didn't feel about me the way that parents should feel - and that was it.

I don't know how old you are, but is it worth looking into moving out at some point? I now live with a different relative and am soon going into supported accommodation on my own (I need support because of the nature of my disabilities) and although it's terrifying, I know it's for the best because my parents aren't going to change and rather then expending energy trying to change their ways, I need to look after myself and my own health and emotional wellbeing.

It's difficult and I felt very isolated at times, but once you accept your parents for what they are and break free from the hold they have over you, it really makes a positive difference.

I'm so glad I don't have that problem anymore. At least I can cook.

Have you cooked for other people before? It's a great feeling.

I'm sorry to hear that-I get the feeling my father doesn't like me as much as my brother he just wants me to cut my hair and wear normal clothes
you like to cook

I used to get upset with my parents, but in this past year, I've made great strides in my own sense of autonomy. First, I realized that my mother suffers from BPD, and will never, ever be capable of loving me the way I would like her to. And I realized, that in spite of the things that I don't like about my father, it was still possible to overlook them, and love him. Neither of them are Gods, neither of them will ever be the parents I wished for, and now I have a great relationship with my father (by phone, that's all I can do) and I totally ignore my mother, except for a Mother's day or birthday cards. I felt this huge lifting of a lifelong burden, when I accepted how they were, and got on with my life.

It took nearly thirty years, though before I could feel like this. I hope, Cockney, that you too will arrive at a similar place. When you can just look at your mother with detached affection. It's a great thing.

I couldn't sleep on Sunday night because of it. I've had a really good sleep, last night, however. Maybe I should starve myself back down to 150 lbs, grow my hair a little, than cut it like Austin Powers and start wearing my velvet, once again. I won't be happy at first, but I will become happy, because my mum will be giving her saintly, skinny Austin all these hugs. My bowel control will vanish, and I won't be a baby rat, anymore.

On the other hand, maybe I'd better keep things as they are. I caught a lot of viruses at the weight of 150, that I don't now, and I think that I look good with my hair out of my eyes. If my mum can't accept Sid or myself, I just simply forego the Sunday Dinners and come to walk Chico for 20 minutes every morning, and chat with her, for a few minutes, afterwards. Maybe my mum's eyes will open for once, when she finds that I'm not comming over for food, and she'll start to feel very guilty. I can see her falling into a deep depression, because of that...oh, well. She has a lesson to learn.

I could never get my DX across to my parents fully, sometimes not even close. Dad understood better but I'm thinking he may have been too. If I may ask what are you trying to prove to your folks? and why?

that's right-people change
I didn't want to dress like a tool my whole life-I'm not like that
now your mother will just have to accept you for who you are, you shouldn't change for her-you change for you!
when you want a new style-then go for it. until then-you live for you

I'm feeling a lot better about myself, now.