How can I accept my own mediocrity?

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I should be able to do better. I should be able to really apply myself and try harder and become a success. I should be able to study but I fear it. I fear taking classes while I work full time will be exhausting. But I know many other people have done it. I know many other people have put up with a few years of exhaustion. Why should I fear 12 hour days when some people have 16 or 20 hour days? I'm studying for an industry certification but seems like a trifling thing compared to a real qualification. Would it really help me? Would anyone hire a 40 year old graduate? Why graduate when my career only has 15 or 20 years left? Or am I just talking myself out of it?

I should be to get fit. No pain, no gain as they say. I should be able to eat less. Instead I'm getting fatter. Even if I eat three large meals per day I still feel hungry all the time. I should be able to devote more time to exercising but often after work I have to choose between devoting my evening to exercise or the aforementioned industry certification. On many evenings I don't manage to do either. What a waste.

I should be able to do better at work. I should be able to get over my executive function problems. I should be able to switch rapidly between tasks and then go back to the first task and remember what it was about without skipping a beat. I should be to concentrate at work without thinking about irrelevant things. I should be able to better understand the instructions given to me without needing them to be so precise.

I should be able to save. I should be able to eat cheaply. But I often have to choose between cheap junkfood and healthier, more expensive food. My dental bills are expensive. I should move in with my grandparents so I don't have to pay rent. But their house is small and my stuff won't fit in it. It's only things. I should give up this attachment to material possessions, sell all my stuff, move into my grandparents spare room, save for a deposit, buy a house, pay off the mortgage and then have enough money to buy far more material possessions than I ever had before. Other people buy a house when they're younger than I am now. Is it worth the financial sacrifice now so I can have more money by the time I'm 60? Maybe by that time I'll be too old to enjoy myself anyway. I'll only have 10 or 20 years left. Or am I just talking myself out of it?

I should be able to speak properly but my dental problems make it hard no matter how much money I spend trying to fix them. Maybe I could have had a jaw extension but it's too late for that now that I've already had my premolars removed.

I should be able to keep my apartment tidy but I don't have time or energy. I should be able to iron my clothes but I don't have time or energy. Even when I iron them they don't turn out that well. I could get them all dry cleaned but if I spend that much money I can't save. I should be able to cook but I don't have the time or the energy or the organisational skills so I eat based on convenience and get fatter. I should be able to be confident all the time but I can only be confident for a few minutes at a time before it gets exhausting. Acting confident when I'm not is the most difficult lie to tell.

I should be to ask girls out. On dating sites it's easy (albeit time consuming). I mean I should be able to ask girls out in real life. I get so nervous. I feel like a total creep when I ask girls out in real life. I see so many attractive young couples walking around. Handsome young men with pretty young women. Most of them probably met in real life. They didn't feel like a creep asking for a date so why do I?

I should be able to socialise. It's the cure for depression right? I could socialise in the evenings. Or on the weekends. But then I won't be able to use that time to study, or to exercise, or to rest. I could join a club or something but that seems like such a big commitment. Shouldn't I be studying? Socialising sometimes makes me feel better but it's exhausting. Sometimes I just want to rest by myself. Other people function without rest, I must learn to as well. Sometimes socialising makes me feel worse. I encounter people who are fitter, richer and/or more accomplished than me. I encounter guys who graduated when they were 22 or bought their first house at 25 or have beautiful girlfriends. Sometimes I encounter a guy who has all three of these things. Compared to a guy like that I'm not even a real person. I can't enjoy anything when I'm thinking that. This makes me hate socialising.

I should be able to do all the things I want to do. I should be the change I want to see in myself. I should be able to be who I want to be. I should become the type of man I want to be by simply choosing to act like the type of man I want to be. Cannot I not choose who I am?

But I feel so tired. I fear if I do these things I'll get burnout. Other people do them so it must be possible. Am I so much weaker than them? I fear the rewards may be less than they seem. I think maybe achieving these things won't win me happiness. Then I think "No! That's just laziness talking!" Then my thoughts go 'round and 'round in circles.

So can I pull myself up and become a decent human being? Can I become good enough that I won't despise myself? Or should I learn to accept my own mediocrity?

My method would be to say, "I'm a mediocre yet decent human being. f**k yeah!"

There are so many sentences in the OP that begin with the word "I".

Perhaps it would help to focus on what you can do to help other people.
Everyone has gifts and something to offer.
Using those gifts for good can help get rid of intense self-criticism
and help us feel better about ourselves and life as a whole.

As for mediocrity, don't settle for it.
Don't accept it.
You can do better.
That said, success can come in many forms ...

The super-perfect life is a myth.
All those smiling, happy people on Facebook
aren't showing you the whole truth.
Comparing yourself to others is a trap.

We all have weaknesses,
and we all have strengths.
Play to your strengths.

And be grateful for all the things you do have
which many people don't have
but would love to have if they could.

I know. I think there's something inherently selfish about low self-esteem. Self-loathing is self-centered by definition.

It's hard to be part of a group with poor social skills. It's even harder to think of myself as part of a group.Yes. Good idea.

I should give to charity but I'm trying to decrease my expenses. Perhaps I could volunteer. Where do all the pretty girls volunteer? I wonder about that. Michael Dell founded his business while he was in pre-med. If I was in pre-med it would take all my time and energy and then some. Yet he had time to run a successful business. Was his life a myth too?I'll make a list of them as soon as I can remember what they are.Yes. I have food and shelter. Now if I could just have self-actualisation.

Most of all I want self-control. That would be worth more than all the money in the world.Something tells me you've been through this before.

Hi Retrogamer87,

As for where you should volunteer to find pretty girls? Volunteer at places that interest you. That way, the girls there will likely share your interest. Now I can't guarantee how pretty they are ...

As for Michael Dell founding a business while in pre-med, good for him. That's only one aspect of his life. Every human being has something he or she is struggling with. Many people don't like to broadcast their weaknesses.

Along these lines, here in the USA, Mary Tyler Moore just died. She was famous for having a TV character who was a single woman with a successful job living on her own in a beautiful apartment, wearing stylish clothes and looking gorgeous in them, and being surrounded by friends, was quite the popular social butterfly. On TV, and to her fans.

But what was her reality? Mary went through three marriages and two divorces, one which left her sobbing like a child. She had an alcoholic mother, and became an alcoholic herself. She went through lonely periods where she wished she were married, and would use the alcohol to feel high enough so that she could fall asleep at night. She missed her son's important life milestones because she was too busy working on her TV shows. Her son then shot himself in the head and died when he was 10 years old ... probably it was an accident because the gun was faulty. But yeah, her theme song said, "Who can turn the world on with her smile?" and "You're gonna make it after all." Yeah, she sure smiled enough, and was famous for it.

Mary Tyler Moore ended up going blind from diabetes, and her drinking problem didn't help. So yeah, she was rich, she was popular, everybody loved her ... and wow, behind the scenes and the great big beautiful smile, did she ever have problems. She's now dead at the age of 80. May she rest in peace.

As for your strengths,
yes, you have some.
You may not know what they are
because people tend to take their strengths for granted
and tell themselves "anybody can do this."
Anyways, yes, you have strengths.

You have food and shelter ...
you have it quite good, and a lot to be thankful for right there.

You want self-control?
More than money?
You already have a bit of wisdom ...
good for you!

...

I guess it's a question of should I allow myself to be content. I read somewhere that if you fall into the trap of 'just living" and not pursuing goals to advance your career that means you're wasting your life. Only lazy people do that, right? 

The trouble is, some of the happiest people I know do that. They work full time. They're not lazy but they don't try to over exert themselves trying to get a promotion. They don't take night classes. They don't spend their evenings and weekends in pursuit of goals. They just go home and live contentedly. 

Maybe the question isn't, should I be content with mediocrity but should I be content with my current level? Should anyone? Or do I have a duty to always pursue higher goals and spend all my spare time trying to improve myself. 

To accept my current position just feels like laziness.

I like you, Retrogamer87.

You're asking some deep questions.

There's a saying, maybe you've already heard it, "Nobody on their deathbed says they wish they spent more time at the office." Work is a good thing. Overwork is not. Question is, where's the line?

A day job is important for keeping a roof over your head, food on the table, paying the bills. Time to rest and relax is important, too. So is taking vacation time ... as a matter of fact, vacations are good for your health.

And that said, some people are called to pursue goals.

In my case, I'm an artist. I feel called to be one. What really helps is, I love it. It's a lot of work ... but it feels like fun. And it seems to be my destiny, even though I don't always understand it. Anyways, I've had some achievements and accomplishments when it comes to having my artwork on exhibit in public, and making sales. It's not about the money, because no, I'm not getting rich off art. It's about using my talent, sharing it with the world, and connecting with other people.

So the question for you is, is there anything you feel called to do? Any goals you believe you're meant to pursue? Any talents you have that could make the world a better place by sharing? And these goals or talents can be any size ... big ones, small ones, it's all good.

As for promotions or night classes? Your life, your decisions. You don't have to be like everybody else. You shouldn't compare your life with everybody else's life.

Now I don't advocate the sheer laziness of sitting on a couch doing nothing all weekend, every single weekend, either. If you do absolutely nothing with your life, you might end up years later looking back with a lot of regret on what might have been.

So it seems to me (an Internet stranger)
that you should be content enough with yourself
that you can pursue meaningful goals,
use your talents for good,
and also spend some time relaxing, too.

...

The common expectations in society are for common people.

That is not us.

I barely meet any of those you listed, but I do enough so I have the freedom to enjoy the things I want to do.

I often think it would be easier to not be aware of the societal expectations. To be clueless, ignorant, but satisfied.

No. It's not.

Not for me.

When I was unemployed I lived quite comfortably on a fairly decent pension. I also spent a few years working 8 hours per week while claiming the pension. My income was low enough to not reduce the pension at all.

With my current income my pension has gone down to a small fraction of it's former size. Going from a 6 hour day to an 8 hour day was almost the last straw. When I do overtime the pension cuts out entirely for a fortnight. 

I'm not in it for the money. A few years ago I got very depressed about being unemployed. I felt it was very shameful to be living on money I didn't earn.

Today I signed up for overtime. It felt weirdly exhilarating. I signed up for full days this coming Saturday and Sunday. 

You might think it's strange that I would want to work 7 days per week when I don't have to work at all. It has more to do with my self-esteem then the money.

Well then, our situations are different.
Not surprising, since we're both unique individuals.

I can definitely relate to you that I feel much better about taking money I've earned working at a job
than collecting unemployment money.

I can even see being exhilarated by a job enough to come in and work a Saturday ...
although in my case, I'd much prefer staying home on Saturday and painting or
going to a nature trail with my camera to take landscape photos.

As for Sunday, I go to church and don't work, besides things like cooking and dishes around the house.

Anyways, here I was trying to motivate you to pursue goals,
and am now feeling like maybe I should motivate you to take it easy ...
Go figure!

...

The happiest people I know work part-time and have time for all sorts of little activities that make them happy (crafting, creating music, baking, reading, gardening...). Some of them volunteer with animal or old people charities and that gives them enormous satisfaction (as it did for me, but I had to increase my hours at work, so no time left...), some look after children and grandchildren giving them all attention and really putting all the effort in it. Some became activists and try to engage in local politics and fighting for causes they find important. Do they think they're mediocre? I don't know, maybe. I think you can easily be happy while feeling mediocre, but you need an outlet for all the drive and energy inside you and the more meaningful that is the better for you.

^You also need friends and/or a life partner instead of being completely socially isolated and alone.

You 'know' people who do these things so I'll assume at least one of them is your 'friend' and not just family members or acquaintances.

Some people have this drive to them, creative pursuits, hobbies, outlets, but not a single friend or person who knows or appreciates what they do.

Volunteering a few hours a week is nice and can make people feel appreciated, but when no one cares about every single other interest or passion you commit yourself to, life feels very meaningless because the only person who will ever hear that amazing song, or actually read your novel, or look at that beautiful garden and think it looks so wonderful they just have to take a picture of it, is you.

And once you die, your art will die with you. Because no one ever heard that song, your laptop with the recording of it was sold and wiped of memory, the USB with backup files eventually broke, that painting with a blanket over the canvas in your attic is collecting dust, and the new owners mused over it for a few seconds then trashed it, the garden died with no one to care for it, the script for the next masterpiece film was thrown in the trash by your family because it was in a pile of scrunched up paper and got mixed in with it, etc.

If you have friends to show your creations to, even if it's not their cup of tea, at the very least you have at least one person who can say "I admire your passion towards life, it is inspiring."

The first fan of my artwork was a 6-year-old boy whose mother bought him a photo that I'd taken of the Glacial Grooves ice age rock formation on Kelleys Island. He was the first one to ever call me an artist.

That was my first art show, where I sold photos from a humble, rickety card table. Since then, my work has been displayed in juried exhibitions in art galleries and museums, two solo shows ... one of which was in a government building, and various craft fairs. I also currently sell my art from an online store.

I've had a couple of friends admire my work. I gave one of my favorite framed photos of Narnia to a good friend, who truly appreciates it and has it hanging prominently in her house.

And yes, when I die, perhaps my art will die with me. Or maybe, some of my paintings will sell for a million dollars. Money that I won't be around to enjoy. I'm certainly not getting rich off art now, anyways. But hopefully the artwork will continue to inspire others.

Meanwhile, the point is ... show your best work. Get it out there. Let it be seen. Share your talent with the world.

...

Mediocrity sucks, doesn't it? At least there's a patron saint for mediocrities of the world - Salieri.

I hate to see myself as being mediocre and a perpetual amateur, but at my age and continual non-successes, I have to accept it.

I've written and produce music albums that don't sell.

I recently submitted my six books to Publisher's Weekly for review and all 6 were rejected, delivering a strong blow to my ego that just makes me want to go out there and drink myself into a drunken stupor.

I'm a failure at relationships, but that I blame on autism and bipolar, so I'm not totally at fault.

I know the feeling

I'm always chasing after the Mozarts of the world yet I can't even understand how they achieved such lofty success.

How I envy those prodigies who achieved at a young age, while I was still playing childish games.

Guess what.....most people aren't that fortunate. If they were, they wouldn't be call "prodigies."

I, myself, wouldn't mind an apartment like yours---with a terrace no less!

I would be quite content, indeed, to be able to look at nice urban, suburban, and rural views.