AAAAAH help, I do not know what to do. ;n;

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I apologize for my bad, tangential writing. I am not very good at writing. However, I would like to ask you to PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING.

Not skimming it. Thank you. ^u^

It started out as a rant, and than transformed into something I wanted to write a thread about. So, the structure is slightly wonky.

Anyhoo:

I used to do nothing at all, all day, and I’ve kind of forgotten who I am.



That’s kind of a weird thing, to not remember who you are like.

I don’t remember what I like.

If you were to ask me to look at what kind of books I like, I wouldn’t be able to tell you because I don’t know.

I have not read a book or watched a movie in a very long time. I also don’t really listen to music— at least not until the past few months.

I also don’t keep up with the news at all, or bother with it, because my mind feels like it doesn’t really care.

Most of what I know is just based on things I hear secondhand from other people.

Most of the time I just don’t do anything at all. I just variously sleep or do nothing, or do some minor, unproductive thing and then fall asleep.
I wanna change that, but I don’t really feel like doing anything about it. ;n;

I have goals, and I have plans to execute them, but I can never follow through them, and each day I fail to meet my objective.

This applies to basically everything I have ever tried to do.

I don’t really feel anything about it, I just feel like literal nothing. Nothing, in the most basic sense of the word.

No thing.

Not even sad, I just don’t feel anything. I do things, but I just am not interested.

Sometimes I do get sad about doing nothing, but that just lasts for a brief while, and then I go back to doing nothing and feeling nothing about it.

I do not think this is good— this whole present state, and I do not think it is a good state to be in, but I do not know what to do about it.

It has gotten pretty bad to the point that I have very little motivation to finish anything, and I pretty much don’t really finish anything ever. I have tried multiple timex to resolve this problem, and get myself to do something, but I have failed.

Now I do try in terms of education, but that’s just because of a few factors like last-minute studying, and tutors, and a heck of a lot of extended time…
which results in me barely getting by and not really learning any of the material.

Which I think is bad. Because education is pretty darn awesome, and they’re basically teaching you stuff for free, and I wanna take full advantage of that opportunity!

So my question is, if I want to get myself to do something, how do I get myself to do it?

How do I get myself to follow through with a goal and stick to it?

For example, if I want to do get a drawing done today, how do I get myself to say:
“Okay. I am going to draw something today”— and then actually do it and finish it?

I have asked people about this before, but what everybody tells me is just along the lines of that old Shia Lebouf meme:
“JUST DO IT!”

Sure, but… but how?
How do I get myself to follow through with a goal? To perform the action that I want to do?

Is there any way I can motivate myself to do things? ;n; Is there any way I can get better at disciplining myself?

Please do not be mean here, I am not asking for criticism. I am just trying to ask for advice.

I know it Is a bad situation, and I want to change that situation, but I don’t know how.
Sometimes I get scared of the future because I don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t know what I want to do.

So, uh, yeah. Here is the question again?

Comfortably numb and detached from reality. I guess to be properly motivated you must want something bad enough to have the motivation to accomplish said goal. I have struggled with my own issues of motivation, my own issues likely have to do with depression, but i'm no doctor. I hope you find the answers you need.

That sounds like depression.Are you taking any meds for it?If not you may want to talk to someone about how you feel.If you are taking a script talk to your caregiver about this.They don't seem to be helping you.
I was completely apathetic and felt nothing like you describe during my bout with it.No joy,but no sadness either.Just blank.
My medication helped tremendously with this.
Good luck,I hope you find a solution.