Can't do anything right

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And people wonder why I hate Asperger's. I f*****g hate the s**t and wish I wasn't born with it I just want to be normal.
So people in my family get on to me if I don't come downstairs and be friendly and happy and social, or if I don't join in much when I'm doing my drawing, then when I AM joining in and being sociable, I get told to ssshh because the TV is on, even though nobody's watching it. I hate the TV being on when you have company round because the second I contribute to the conversation, everybody suddenly wants to listen to the TV and I get shushed. And no it's nothing to do with how one reads social cues, it's just Murphy's Law.

I am wrong, always in the wrong place at the wrong time, speaking at the wrong time. My family forget I have ADHD and this sh***y f*****g Asperger's. Why can't I be normal like everybody else in my family?

Why me? Why do I have Asperger's? Why why why why why why why????

f**k Asperger's, how can anyone say it's a blessing, all it makes me is a nuisance and a stupid freak.

I'm sorry for being pathetic.
I'm sorry I sometimes get carried away when socialising.
I'm sorry for being happy.
I'm sorry for joining in.
I'm sorry I'm broken.
I'm sorry I'm stupid.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.

I'm so tearful just need to get it all off my chest, if you don't like it then don't post in this thread, I am too sensitive for bluntness today, I need emotional support. Can't talk to my family, they'll just tell me to sshh.

If it's not social cues, then it's your toxic family. They probably do it on purpose and you are the scapegoat. Do you have this problem outside your home too with random people? If not, then it's your family.

My father does that when the TV is on, every time he does that I always think to myself, how can the TV be more important than something someone has to say. You have every right to do what you feel comfortable doing, if that means not socializing well, why can't you have your privacy and do what you feel comfortable doing? They must not fully understand the anxiety that is associated with doing what they want you to do instead of doing what you feel comfortable with.

Don't be sorry, you are who you are. You are just misunderstood. It's okay to cry if you need to, tomorrow is a new day.

To my mind .....

1) If you truly want to socialize and have a conversation, the TV should be turned off.

2) If you tell me we're going to watch a specific TV show, then I expect to watch the show without interruption, which means no talking except during commercials.

3) If you ask me to watch TV and I do not wish to, my wish should be respected.

4) Fair is fair. So if I ask you to watch TV and you do not wish to, I will respect your wish. And if you tell me you want to watch a specific TV show, then I will respect that and only talk during commercials ... unless you express an interest in talking during the show.

Basically, I'm happy with either watching TV ... or with not watching TV ... just not doing both at the same time, or half-and-half. I like to give my full attention to either a good conversation or a good TV show, whichever one has been decided upon and agreed to.

Thanks guys, for the replies.

I know I am not the best socializer in the world, and yes I am socially awkward, but I am good at reading social cues. If there's something on the TV that all of us in the room wanted to watch then yeah I would know to be quiet, even if it didn't interest me. But if the TV is just on for a background white noise, and people keep looking at it but not really following it, just the moving on the screen distracts them, it's just frustrating to interact when they suddenly do decide to want to listen to the TV just for a moment. Plus I have ADHD, so even if I do notice people's attention is on the TV and I'm in one of my talkative moods, I get impulsive and feel I have to express what's on my mind, usually relavent to the current conversation.
The TV was actually off to begin with, but then my dad wanted it on for no specific reason, so we had to put it on.

I just feel insignificant sometimes. Some people can rant on and on and nobody can get a word in edgeways and everybody just listens politely, but when I just say a few words I get shushed.
It's very frustrating because I am an introvert; I am shy at work and sometimes I find it really hard to speak clearly to strangers, and when I'm at home and around my family I can be myself and open up more and be comfortable.

We are very much alike in this way. I'm sorry you felt unappreciated when you just wanted to get something off your chest and open up, getting rejected in the process. That's never a good feeling especially when it's done by those that you love. You are significant, and what you have to say does matter, they just don't understand our perception in this situation. Have you ever told them how you feel when you get shushed?

Wow, I certainly hope that what they're doing is just a coincidence as otherwise that's very rude of them! Have you told them how you feel? In my family we're either watching the TV or we're not; with the exception of occasional comments about the show.

Also it's important that you never regrett having Aspergers; it's part of who you are and it's your family's responsibility to recognise, adapt and respect that.

I have told my family many times, either verbally or through body language, but I think they forget, because I'm the only person they know who gets offended by it so I suppose they will forget. My brother sshh's as a joke but I know it's a joke and so I don't take offense.
I do think I overreacted though, by slamming out of the room. I suppose it was a fight or flight response, and I chose flight. I reacted harshly so that they would know I felt frustrated, because if I verbally told them how I was feeling I was afraid of getting shushed again.
But I do feel guilty.
It's like a few months ago when a very clingy, annoying and quirky friend of the family came round unexpectedly, and I was feeling tired and had anxiety about stuff going on at work, and I suddenly marched out of my room and slammed the kitchen door because I didn't want to hear the chattering, and now the friend hasn't been back to our house since. He's the sort to take these things personally. Now I feel guilty for him, and for my mum too. But sometimes I just can't help myself.

Perhaps after you have cooled off you can get a one on one conversation with whoever hurt your feelings and have a heartfelt conversation and explain these things to them again? You should apologize for getting upset, but also once again explain how that makes you feel and when that happens it's hard to control your emotions. As for your family friend maybe next time you see them you can tell them you're sorry and explain you were having a bad day. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as it seems. Most importantly, listen to what they have to say about both situations, we all have our own perspectives and sometimes it's hard to see something from another's viewpoint. Best of luck resolving things, I hope you can clear things up.