rant barely coping with anxiety stress depression

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im not sure where to begin so ill throw you into the deep end as they say every day i feel nauseated like im going to throw up and i can barely eat anything i can barely sleep i have all these thought forms that tell me how the neurotypical world works what i should say and do also they say things that are the opposite of the truth about me trying to convince me its true like "you are (fill in the blank)" to me these thought forms are stuck in a loop and they wont be silent medication doesnt help at all anymore for anything im stuck inside my 24/7 and cant get out no one understands me no matter who i talk to or i should rather say i dont feel connected to anyone i feel sick like im dying every waking moment iv been to multiple therapists, physiatrist, and psych wards all of them dont understand me or what im struggling with even though i tell them my parents dont understand either and they have abused in the past witch doesn't help iv tried numerous meds to no avail i am depressed not suicidal even if i was i havnt the heart to do anything about it i have tried to end my life in the past though honestly i dont even know if what your reading makes any sense at all i just want to find peace i dont know what to do please help

^ It sounds like you need to get some exercise to raise those endorphins in your brain. Perhaps try to be more physically healthy, like going for a quick walk around a small park or something to clear your head. If you're staying inside all the time that is going to really damage your mental health unfortunately.

You need to get some fresh air in your lungs, proper sleep, sunlight and some good food, same as a plant, else you'll wither and die inside and that's not what you want. Try to stop overthinking uncontrollably as this won't help you at all, I know it's really hard but it's definitely possible.

I reckon if you keep yourself really busy doing something like a hobby or making something to sell you'll be too busy to be depressed, which is essentially the cure to getting most of the way there. Of course, you have to force yourself to do things and I know it's hard when you're depressed because of the lack of motivation but you'll feel so much better if you at least do something even if it's only small like washing the dishes or something. Little steps before you take big steps.

I hope this provided some help/encouragement for you at least. Good luck.

thank you i will keep what you have said in mind i do feel better when i get fresh air unfortunately its winter right now just getting into spring so most of the time its too cold to enjoy the outdoors i do know i need to go outside yet i have no idea where to go or what to do when i was younger i wasnt allowed to go outside at all or pretty much do anything except school work so i have no experience doing hobbies also i had zero friends i grew up in a church or rather a cult and said cult had a school with the exact same people teaching it as in the church and it was the same building the only person in the school was an actual qualified teacher and that was the principal with only 4 other family's with kids and none of them invited me over or came over and of course it being a cult they obsess over power and control (feels like the rest of the world to me) and its not like im going to do as im told all the time no matter what and being an aspie nothing they told me to do made sense so i didnt think i had to do it so they just punished me for not understanding school work and for not conforming to their every word and my parents did the same thing at home as well

i hope some of you out there can imagine what effect this might have someone as i have trouble communicating how i think or why i think the way i do so the only thing i can do is tell you what iv gone through so you can try to see the psychological effects i hope you understand