Where/what to now ?

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I am now back in l-hopital again , what is now known as Priscilla and Mark Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital and Trauma Center , to be exact (Branding is so important , I'm sure you-ll agree) .
Yes , I sought out being hospitalized again , yesterday ,Monday (It's early Tuesday now) . I got in , obviously - But the thought now is getting a rest and losing some weight and not spending some any money for a little bit , before going to a new city with my early March money . I've even come to a sad - but somewhat realistic (he said) - consideration of my physical state .
Which I'll get to .
Saturday was the last time til' now I could work on a computer . Sunday ayem I woke up and felt so tired , having been deprived of a night's (such as it was) full sleep by that being sent to St. Luke's and my aftermath of trying to get a 72-hour psych hold by saying I heard voices at another hospital (I just got a coupla additional hours .) that I decided to run the risk of being jailed or taken to a psych ward b6 that bad cop and slept on that highway-surroundinglton again just to get some rest !

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I guess I don't know what to say, you're openly admitting to being manipulative so you can "rest" and lose some weight and save money. It's probably also obvious to the various hospitals you've been to recently, so yes, you've probably worn out your welcome in SF.

I don't know if the question "Where/What to now" is rhetorical; I'll assume it is because every other suggestion you've been given in the past was rejected.

...First , please let me clarify what was intended to be said by me in the very last portion of my first post here ,I ran out of power on the tablet and had to put it aside .
At the end I meant to say , " run the risk of being jailed or taken to a psych ward by that bad cop and slept on that highway- surrounding land just to get some rest ! " , or similar .
Would you rather I nobly die , or collapse of a heart attack , On , rather than seek out help ?
I don't know if you're one of the people who so literally felt that the ONLY proper course of action for me , what I MUST do , was sign my life away to a restrictive " a home "/board and care home situation immediately , toot sweet (and , furthermore , that one was waiting right around the corner for me to do so) - and that , when I didn't instantly obey you 100% and do so , reacted with " Well , I wash my hands of you ! You just don't WANT to be helped..." or no . Maybe you're not .
However , how would my doing that be an acceptable use of Social Services/etc. largesse on my part whereas how I am now is not acceptable to you ?
Because " I'm not suffering enough/giving out enough sweat " now ?
As I will outline some more . my physical shape has definitely gone downhill over the last two-ish years - I rather doubt I will ever be as healthy/able to get around easily as I was in late 2014 .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Anyway , that Sunday (just 2 days back) I went to lie down essentially immediately on that bit of land across the street , taking my mat out of my pack and laying it on the - full of rocks - ground , and stretched out .
I rather figured the bad cop wouldn't work weekends anyway .
I was right - I was not bothered ,band I was there for hours and hours ,I believe .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...I say that because he was playing the nastier " bad cop " to his partner's friendlier " good cop " .
I was there for hours and hours - which shows that I really did need to catch up on missed sleep ,band sleep in at least some warm sun .
I had been stretched out on the rocky ground - near a sculpture-type of rock , so that I could , with that and the crutch , push myself back into standing when I was finished . However , that was very hard , , and I barely did it .
It occurred to me that , in the year or more I have spoken about my Congestive Heart Failure affecting my ability to get up from a ground position (And make me exhausted enough to have to pause when walking down a city street to lean against a wall or pillar and rest) - I don't believe that has become any less of a problem for me - and1 I am thinking it1 may have gotten slightly worse - I am thinking that the effect of the CHF on my mobility may never get any better - Does anyone ever really recover from it ? - and , especially at the economic level of care I can afford , it might get worse .
Maybe , I was thinking , I should look for a situation where an electric wheelchair gets issued to me - and an apartment built around wheelchair/-esque living .



="AnneOleson"]

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Hi ASS-P,

Sorry to hear your health problems continue to be so severe, to the point where it seems you've been in the hospital more than out lately.

As for the people who were urging you to find a better living situation a while back - I was one of them, and I think you misunderstand our intentions toward you.

No one was claiming that the process would be easy, or immediate. We realize there are limited opportunities, and waiting lists involved. All we wanted was for you to start the process of applying for a better situation, rather than continuing this endless cycle of shelter-ER-hospital-streets-shelter-etc.

But you have a long history of rejecting any advice that's given to you on this forum, so there comes a point when people realize that you don't want their advice, and so they stop giving it to you. Which you refer to as 'washing their hands of you', but to us it feels the other way around: that you have 'washed your hands' of us so many times, we finally get the picture, and stop inflicting our unwanted suggestions on you.

I first became aware of your situation several years ago, when I joined WP, and although I often take long breaks from the forum, I always check in now and then to see how you're doing - because a person with any level of compassion is concerned by your situation, and can't just shrug it off and pretend not to care what happens to you.

So here I am, popping in to say I'm sorry if I gave you the impression of 'washing my hands' (as so many others have, in the years I've followed your threads). I continue to care about you, and be concerned for your situation, but I accept that you don't want my advice, so I respectfully leave you to make your own life choices.

That being said, I think you are wise to consider seeking out a wheelchair-accessible living situation, because I agree your health problems are reaching that level of severity. Again, it probably won't be an immediate process, but it's worth looking into.

I won't annoy you with my unprofessional advice, because I've learned that you need real advice from real professionals - and Social Services exists exactly for that purpose. So if you're looking for guidance on how to get into a better living situation, I'd recommend going to the people who can actually make it happen for you.

What those of us on the forum can do is to offer encouragement and well-wishes, in your efforts toward finding a better situation. In the end, that's really all we can do, but please know I am cheering for you, and hoping that a better opportunity comes your way.

Sorry for the novel - just wanted to apologize for whatever unhelpful advice I've suggested in the past, and clarify that 'washing my hands' has more to do with me accepting that I don't have the answers you're looking for, rather than not caring about you anymore.

Best wishes, as always, and I hope you feel better soon.

...Now , let me ssay more , please , about the realities of my physical state and this last weekend .
(BTW , it was the weekend prior to that , IIRC , that I left/finished my last admission to a hospital - the 17th of Feb.)
It kept occurring to me , as Ii was ran out of the shelter at 8 every morning. , how tired I was - And then , I would be even tired-er when I came back in the evening , having carried around a heavy backpack all day (Which I could not leave there . )
This last Sunday , I was able to get some make-up sleep/reset on the highway land much of the day .
However , I was still fired in the shelter during the night - And , the thought that I might needed , perhaps in a location other than San Francisco , occurred to me .
On Monday morning , I decided to try and be taken to the ER , seeking hospitalization to get some rest , and lose some , at least , of the excessive ballooned- up water weight that had me afraid of a heart attack or busted blood vessel .
Briefly , there have been stories of an SRO room coming up here , but it keeps NOT happening/being delayed , and , although if it happens I will let it happen and I am leaving the pathway open for the possibility , I'm not greatly counting on it happening - Some already given deadline/s have passed .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Above , I meant to write " I was still tired in the shelter during the night - And the thought that I might need , perhaps in a location other than San Francisco , a wheelchair , occurred to me " .
My part of SF is an unusually flat part , but much of SF does live up to the movie chase-scene stereotype of mucho hilliness , that's been brought home to me recent!y , and wheelchair-getting around in it might be hard .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...So , ALLEGEDLY , there is another stabilization room waiting for .
Now (If this is like the 2016 SRO room) it Wii be , technically , temporary and with no tenants' rights for me - In the 2016 room , I got thrown out , but not , I believe , because of my digestive/eliminative problems but because of someone there , another room-haver , who took advantage of a rule there where you could be thrown out after three complaints against you and complain a. m. - Thus getting me thrown out . Perhaps I didn't spell this out sufficiently before .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I hope this new room will work out better for you!