Diagnosis this month, can't cope.

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Hi, first post from a lonnnng time 'lurker' (early 00s), sorry it has taken this long for me to post

I begin the process of diagnosis later this month and i am absolutely terrified, this whole situation is a minefield of nuclear landmines that i don't want anyone to be hurt by.

I think my story is possibly very similar to a lot of folks on the spectrum of my age and in the UK in that our journeys have, by and large been been dominated by multi layered abuse, whether physical, mental or bureaucratic or a combination of all.

I always knew i was 'different', everyone did. But as hard as i sought to understand who and what i was no answers were forthcoming, this was until 2001 when after a spot of bother with the law i had to do a course at the probation centre, this was a kind of CBT for offenders, we were the first participants and it was run by its designer, a forensic psychologist, i asked her about my "differences" during a discussion about the psychometrics we did regularly, she suggested i may have Aspergers, benefits of diagnoses were discussed and the restrictiveness of labelling.

I first approached my then GP in 2003 in an attempt to get diagnosis, but was fobbed off with pills and told i was just depressed (even though ASD traits should be in his notes from childhood, walking on tip toes, t-rex arms etc) in 2005 i was attacked in my first home (i was homeless from 95 till 03 living in hostels and on the streets) in a 'mate crime' had my head smashed in, was stabbed 3 times, because i wouldn't let them 'tax' me. I knew if i didn't get help there and then the combination of ASD and PTSD would essentially finish me off. I once again approached the GP and was told it would take at least 2 years (the PCT had gone bankrupt).

In the weeks that followed i was forced to leave the area by the council as unbeknownst to me an investigation was taking place around a subject i had vociferously railed against during previous stays at this authorities homeless unit, this went on to become a national scandal.

So, forced out of the area to live with my half brother with no support, i registered at a new GP in the area, this is still 2005, requested diagnosis, once again fobbed off with my now repeat prescription.

Fast forward 12 years, MANY requests for diagnosis later, i finally have mine this month after having to threaten legal action,

and i'm scared

i am a feral aspie who has been abused by the system my whole life, i hold no animosity to the Doctor doing the screening, i have never met her, but this whole process is wrapped in anger, i have zero emotional regulation and generally my primary meltdowns are crying but when an issue involves anger it is much much scarier, i am not violent, i have never hurt anyone but at 6' 6" and 200kg it's not a situation to be taken lightly and i do not.

I don't want to end up tasered or liquid kosh'd, i don't deserve that.

Oh and unfortunately my special interests are of a political nature and ultimately speaking truth to power O_o

Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation would be gratefully received. Thanks for taking your time to read this.

Your diagnostic assessment should include only an examination of your behaviors, characteristics and comorbid diagnoses. Anything else is common opinion. Knowing that, you probably don't believe that the assessment itself would be so harrowing. A lot of good things has happened in the field of autism diagnoses since your last assessment.

If you are worried about your anxiety about the assessment, explain your concerns briefly at the beginning of the assessment, and repeat them if and when they reappear during the assessment. In fact, use the description you posted above; it would sure convince me to give you the benefit of the doubt. Any professional diagnostician will appreciate knowing that you have concerns, and will try to accommodate them by explaining each step clearly to you.

Meanwhile, get as much rest and sleep as you can before the assessment. And, realize that your are doing what is expected of you by upholding your end of the bargain. While I suspect that your diagnostician(s) will be friendly, helpful and respectful with you and your concerns, there is always the slim chance that, despite your best efforts, yet another unhelpful diagnostician will fail to do his or her job.

Now, you should become your own best advocate for the next month or so. Accept nothing less than complete fairness and honesty from your diagnostician(s). Challenge them (kindly) if and when they appear to confuse or ignore you and your behaviors, characteristics and comorbid diagnoses. Being your own best advocate can seem rough, but it is temporary and will pass quickly. You will benefit yourself quite well, in any case.

Good luck, keep asking questions here, and let us all know the result of your next new adventure!