I am leaving

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I may leave IRL too at some point. It is obvious I am not wanted by anyone I know IRL.

This forum has served its purpose for me.

It isn't to do with anyone here, but rather the people I know IRL.

I am defeated. There is nothing I can do anymore.

I won't let anyone know when I will be leaving life forever. I have nothing to say anymore.

This is me, she will die and has had a very unhappy life.

Oh dear. And I have to ask, do we take this at literal face value or might it just be an expression of frustration?

Try taking a break from Wrong Planet, or a break from parts of your life. It works wonders. We will always be here, if you want to chat.

I find it very hard to be clear these days. I meant at some point I will attempt suicide.

I can't get a break from anything because my family dropping me and acting like totally different people, and my lack of anywhere to live except here is a nightmare.

My family have been deeply hurtful to me, more than I can bear.

And nobody wants to help me. Nobody wants to let me stay with them. I would even move countries, but I see it as impossible because people have barriers.

All the things that have happened, I have had enough.

I hate Gary (mum's partner) because he was creepy to me too. He does not see me as a daughter and everytime I ask him, he moans and says it's always a bad time to talk about it. He says I am not his daughter. He fancies me. It is completely messed up. It is like I have lost a dad and the family is completely OK with it.

I can't bear life anymore, I have had enough.

Living on the other side of the ocean there is little I can do but I sure would like to encourage you to hang around to, and it is a gamble, true, to allow time a chance to offer improvement.
As for me, I'm not entirely sure I say it joking or factually that I'm still breathing because I'll never finish my trains from six feet under and I'm slow enough already.

But, yes, loss of hope is a deadly serious thing. And the mum's partner thing is also serious.

I'm a guy, and you know how us guys (at least ones who are not perverts or criminals) are, we're kinda wired to fix things, solve problems, protect people, rescue the damsel in distress, that kind of thing. So I am wanting to convince you to stick around. One benefit of that would be that in having gone through that difficulty you would be able to honestly connect with others in that spot. People like me can't do that since I haven't been that deep myself.

I encourage you to keep on keeping on as the saying says so that you will be able to reach other people who are hurting that much where you can literally be truthful in saying to them, "I know how you feel, or at least have a damn good idea of it."

Going through hell yourself is hell and yet there is good in being able to understand others who are there.
My physical health massively crashed about 15 years ago and since then have come several times where in having lived through that trauma myself I was able to help others going through similar.
I had lost my health, job, marriage, home, and was homeless for a while. Was psych inpatient for the third time in my life. Dark days indeed.
For some reason I'm still here.
And maybe I'm here for others more so than for myself. I dunno, no way to know for sure.
But what I do know is the relief those others had when encountering someone who knew what it was like to be there.

I don't know if this is something which encourages you, and it won't fix the darkness in five minutes, it is what I want to say.
Contact is life.

Hi Smudge.

I hope you don't leave. I wanted to discuss some things with you. You are of Egyptian heritage, right?

People like you here on WP.

You're a long-time member here, and are respected.

Maybe taking a break would be good for you.....but don't make it permanent.

Hi smudge,

Things can change for the better.
I hope you will feel better soon.

Hugs

Hey, Smudge, don't leave! You know, I really like you. I would be really sad to see you disappear off the forum, let alone life.

I understand that life is not nice at the moment. There's nothing quite like realizing that someone close to you is not the person you though they were - trust me, I experienced something similar. At the time, I was at first blindsided, then numb, then confused, and then slowly the emotions started setting in - which did nothing for my trust in the human race.

It all takes time to process, and in the meanwhile, it hurts.

I hope things change for you - you seem to have an independent mind and an ability to see different sides to a story, both of which would be of huge help in living a more independent kind of life.

You seem a bit stuck right now. Please don't paint yourself into a corner - it sometimes helps to ask yourself whether making a certain change is worse than dying. Ususally, the answer is that the change is less painful.

Perhaps I'm just rambling, I just wanted to offer support. I read a bit on the forum now and then, I just have a hard time posting.

Hope you are well.

You were so cute as a young child, Smudge.

That's true ... that's a darling photo!

I saw a cool looking space poster on the sideboard. Sometimes my family would leave stuff out like that for me so I could take it. So I took it, and asked my nan to confirm if it was OK if I had it. Her face just drooped with disappointment and she said, "Oh. I meant to give that to Josh (my nephew, her great grandson)". Then she said she had other posters to give him too. She acted as if I was being inconsiderate.

When I tried to teach my mum the other day an idea about Islam, she developed a really impatient, "Get lost" look on her face. I have never seen her do that with me before. She doesn't do it with any of the family.

My niece and nephew have almost completely replaced me. My familys' love has switched over to them. I'm the one that to them now spoils it for everyone. Nothing about me has changed.

How can people replace someone like that? Just drop them completely. It's unreal.

People have survived exceptionally difficult circumstances by learning to love things without classifying them as pleasant or painful. I'm thinking specifically about John McCain and the saying: Learn to love the rope.

There's also: with all this horses**t, there must be a pony in here somewhere. Keep an eye out for the next amazingly cool thing. It's out there.

Last edited by jrjones9933 on 09 Apr 2017, 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh now cheer up. Things could be worse. At least you have family. Youll get a lot more respect from them if you dont give a s**t about how theyre treating you. Dont let it get to you. A lot of familys are this way. My family treats me like s**t sometimes. I no longer take it personaly. I see it as their problem. It still gets to me but I get over it pretty quick because I know things will never change with my immediate family. I'm just glad I have family.

You will leave me alone? But who's gonna defend me against my foes here?

You have....responsibilities!