I just realised i have no friends
i am so depressed right now, as i realise i have absolutely no social interraction whatsoever. I used to believe that I had a group of people who enjoyed my company, but actually they really don't. I have been going through a major depression lately, and my "friends", who were aware of that, completely ceased talking to me. Moreover my boyfriend of 2 yrs dumped me because of my depression, saying that "i need to do better before we can build something'. But how the hell am I supposed to be happy when I have no one in my life, when I'm completely lonely. I just feel terrible, I just want it to end, I'm having terrible thoughts. I'm too poor to afford psychiatric support, I feel like there is no hope for me.
I'm so sorry to drop this here...
Perhaps you could access some free services? Suicide hotlines and so on, community centre counseling? Many community / neighbourhood centres have these services, and often a GP can refer you to some free or volunteer services that can help. Often if you're of a low income, too, you can be given a mental healthcare plan by a GP which can assist with the costs of therapy. Some therapists also participate in offering services for free to poorer people, or people with specific problems (eg - substance abuse).
If nothing else I know a very well-meaning woman who is studying to be a social worker, who volunteers her time on www.7cups.com. Maybe sites like this could be utilized?
I don't know about the motivations of the people in your life for ditching you, having no experience of your behaviour, but I do know some people just can't handle someone who is severely depressed. Their own emotional equilibrium just cannot take that in a social sense, for whatever reason. Perhaps they are depressive themselves and you "bring them down" too much, or perhaps they feel useless and upset because they cannot help or "fix" you.
I would suggest moving away from having your own happiness being dependent on other people. Finding ways to be happy independently, just for and by yourself, can be more stable than hinging everything on social relationships (especially for an autistic). And as an ironic catch 22, when you are able to be happy in your own space, others seem more willing to associate with you, which would help your sense of loneliness.
It was discussed somewhere else here, but perhaps you could consider turning this around? Instead of feeling horrible at the perceived abandonment of your friends / boyfriend and how bad it all makes you feel, perhaps you could try focusing outwards, on what you can do for other people who are unhappy? If you feel this way, then there's a good chance others do. What could you do to help alleviate the suffering of other people, now you have the experience of what it feels like to feel the same way, and can relate to their difficulties?
Such an approach may help you to get out of your own perspective, focusing on how bad things feel to you, and instead finding some reward in how much better you could make things for others.
Just an idea.
Do you know what the source of your depression is? What is your real underlying problem? If your friends and boyfriend have since wanted nothing to do with you because of your depression, then their absence was not the cause of the original depression. Addressing the real issue instead of pinning it on relationships with others may help get to the bottom of what is really going on for you, and what you can do to address that problem, instead of being distracted by relying on other people.
It's a shame that people in your position always seem to feel bad for even mentioning the fact they are unhappy, feeling guilty for having to "drop" it on others. You shouldn't be sorry for reaching out somewhere. Everyone is unhappy at times, there's nothing wrong with that. By reaching out in some way you're being kind to yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that, either.
Of course there's hope for you. You're alive, you have intelligence, you are already being proactive about the problem to some extent. That's something - enough to be going on with.
If social interaction is important to you, and your former contacts have demonstrated a certain "fair weather" attitude, perhaps alternate social interactions are required? Perhaps you could begin new contacts, with others who do not see being unhappy or even depressed sometimes as a reason to cut contact with you? Can you think of anywhere nearby, or perhaps connected with an interest, job, volunteer or religious context that you could try making contacts through instead? Maybe you just need a new crowd!
I hope you can fee better. Post and let us know how things go for you?
_________________
Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
i am so depressed right now, as i realise i have absolutely no social interraction whatsoever. I used to believe that I had a group of people who enjoyed my company, but actually they really don't. I have been going through a major depression lately, and my "friends", who were aware of that, completely ceased talking to me. Moreover my boyfriend of 2 yrs dumped me because of my depression, saying that "i need to do better before we can build something'. But how the hell am I supposed to be happy when I have no one in my life, when I'm completely lonely. I just feel terrible, I just want it to end, I'm having terrible thoughts. I'm too poor to afford psychiatric support, I feel like there is no hope for me.
I'm so sorry to drop this here...
______________________________________________________________________________________
your profile says that you are a law student.
schools offer psychological services for students. check it out.
otherwise, get a support group. read books.
psychiatrist. medication.
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