Feel like nothing is working out

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I'm really stressed at the moment. Just feeling really lonely and miserable and my job isn't working out. I'm an idiot. I was offered an interview last week and I didn't go because I was feeling too down. I really regret it now. I'm still applying for jobs because I'm so stressed in this one that I just sit and stare at the screen numbly. I had so much to do today, but I kept having to go away and cry in the toilet. I should have stayed a bit later to finish a few things but my head was pounding and I couldn't take in anything that I was reading.

And now I'm home in an empty house with no one to talk to.

I keep trying to make my life better, moving on to new areas and new jobs, but I feel like things keep getting worse, not better.

When you say you want your life to go better, how do you define better?

Not stressed at work. I want a job I can do, but which isn't boring. I don't mind repetitive tasks as long as I'm kept busy. Office jobs had too many quiet spells, so I went back to college. Somehow I've ended up working as a computer programmer and I hate it. I don't understand it. I'm so tired and stressed I can't manage to do any courses online in my own time so I'm not progressing with it and I'm just sitting at work stressed. Even when things are explained to me I'm so stressed I can't process it. I've got to the point where I appreciate the help, but I don't want to ask for help because I still don't understand and I just feel really really stupid.

Not being alone. I've moved around a lot and met loads of people, but I can't seem to manage to build a close relationship with anyone, preferable a man.

If we lived closer to each other, I'd go out for coffee with you.
Hope things get better soon.

Hugs

Thanks for the replies.

I'm feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. I hoped things would get better this year, but it's worse than even last year. I don't even feel like there's much point talking to anyone about how I'm feeling.

Aaaand bloody wrong planet just wiped my entire response.
It's gone out of usage where I am at least but maybe look around for a trainee type job? Then you could change industries to something which better suits your preferred pace, while having the benefit of being directly trained to do it, so you can understand? If mentorship is involved in such an arrangement, you may also be able to form connections with your work colleagues.
Maybe a social support or group therapy circle could help you? Be able to relate to others in a similar situation, and be there to support each other? That may provide some common ground, and a chance to connect?
I dislike people telling others who are depressed just to cheer up, because it's a silly thing to say, but engaging in something that brings you joy can have a run-on effect - maybe it improves your mood enough that when that next job interview comes around, you're feeling "up" enough to cope with it?
I know what it's like to watch as year after year slips away and you feel like you're getting nowhere. However one thing I've found it that sometimes it just takes one simple break to get thing going - maybe a casual job comes up that allows you a professional change, or maybe you meet someone, or maybe get involved with a group that allows meeting and interacting with others in a way you can cope with. Sometimes it can be a simple thing that makes all the difference and starts the proverbial ball rolling. So keep trying! Don't give up on yourself because you feel a bit down.
I hope you can feel better. It sucks feeling fatalistic and down on life. Have you thought of any strategies to change your situation, about what you could do to improve it in the ways you want? Thrown a few searches out for things in your local area that could be utilized? Made lists? Lists help with me.
Good luck and keep us posted!

Thanks C2V that's got me thinking about a positive thing that did change in the past year. I made some new friends just through meeting someone at another friend's house and we've kept in touch and have been visiting each other. She's in a similar situation to me. So that's been a good thing having someone to talk to. I'm not completely alone.

I have been applying for jobs. That's my strategy. Just keep applying and something will stick eventually. I'm really trying to meet up with at least one person I know for coffee once a week, usually a Saturday. So that I know I will have some company. I made a gift for a friend yesterday and took it round to her house.

I appreciate Summer time. I love that it's light outside in the evenings compared to the dark, dark winter. I've been trying to go for walks to enjoy it.

Things aren't so horrific, but I have this heaviness inside me that won't go away.

xxx

I've got a couple of interviews lined up for next week. Here's hoping I'm suitable for one of them.

I have a love/hate relationship with Summer. I left a busy office today to go home to an empty house. I hate that I haven't got anyone to share the evenings with when it's sunny. I'm still going to go out for a walk by myself and enjoy the weather. I can't do that in winter, so I love the summer for that reason, but I wish I could spend time with other people enjoying the summer.

I've done that thing again where I've met a nice chap and I've accidentally put him off me. I can't help being stand offish at first, but then when I warm to the other person, they've given up. I can never salvage these things. He made an effort to be friendly, but now we just have very short conversations. Now that I want to have more of a conversation. It doesn't happen. Ugh, when will I ever learn.