lonely

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lonely ....sad....no one cares if i live or die///
sucks

I bet you're an interesting person.

There aren't many young people named "Hugh," for example.

It's close to knowing somebody named "Dagoberto."

What do you like to do in your spare time?

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely.

how can you know.

im bored with people as well as im bored with myself.

yeah, i am lonely too.

and likewise, me too. in that i am bored of everyone and everything. including myself.

precious lil "people" are not as awesome or important as they act like they are.

and i am neither awesome nor important, nor do i act like it.

my first name is also unusual. my first name is not familiar in the english language, but not common in any other language either. a Yahoo search of my first name only yields articles about a disease with a similar spelling, to my first name.

unless you took out a court ordered name change, you do not choose your first name.

Hugh Lofting, civil engineer. author of Doctor Doolittle. a Yahoo search of Hugh yields plenty of Hugh's. for instance, hefner, jackman, and hewitt.

but whatever.

also, connotation versus denotation.

being "interesting" is not necessarily a good thing.

being "boring" sounds bad. but being normal sounds good. but boring and normal are in some ways the same thing.

yeah anyways. but whatever, i ain't normal and i ain't interesting either.

what is so "interesting" about me, anyways? that i went to Gender Therapy in homophobic San Diego in 2004. and the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission only started including "gender identity" on the list of protected status, in 2012? but whatever. plenty of cisgender men and women crossdress. plenty of cisgender straight women wear buzz cuts. being autistic? yes, i am wierd. but nobody appears intersted in the wierdness. unless of course, they are interested in bothering me. (rolls eyes) for a long time, i have not even found myself the slightest bit interesting.

i am boring.

big deal. being boring is not a choice or a crime or a moral flaw.

being exciting or interesting is not necessarily good.

and what is boring to some is interesting to others. for example, in the past, i have been totally obsessed. preoccuped. with a wide variety of things and precious lil "people".

obsessed with: military, gorging/weight, rape,

but someone else might find my obsessions repulsive. or, just apathetic.

big deal.

but, Hugh. sooner or later, everyone is going to die. when my precious lil "mom" dropped dead 2 years ago, my precious lil "dad" grieved. but he got over it. and my grief was brief and shallow. it's not b/c i did not "care". but b/c my precious lil "mom" used to say and do things that resulted in me feeling worse about myself. of course, maybe she had some awesome reason, that i do not know about. who is to say? and i can't be absolute or objective. but seriously, at her funeral, there were plenty of precious lil "people". but that did not stop her from dying.

my sister's friend's brother dropped dead when he was 33. he served six years in the Air Force. he got a Masters in electrical engineering. adaptable, academically smart, vocationally competent, emotionally resilient. and i am 34 and i have yet to achieve anything like he did. and i am never going to. big deal.

"life" goes on until it stops.

there might be someone that cares if you live or die, but you do not know that they care.

yeas...understand you perfectly well...normal people dont bother themseles with ethical problems too much...they are shalow....
yeas we are going to die . it is the best consolation. just we should be patient and humbly wait for death.

i dont care. i want to be nobody to be no one and dont think about myself.

the most optimistic fact that we will die sooner or later/ life is shot. thank to god/

be strong. -we should.- and patient.
best wishes.

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd banish -- you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one's name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Emily Dickinson

hugh:


yeas...understand you perfectly well...normal people dont bother themseles with ethical problems too much...they are shalow....
yeas we are going to die . it is the best consolation. just we should be patient and humbly wait for death.

i dont care. i want to be nobody to be no one and dont think about myself.

the most optimistic fact that we will die sooner or later/ life is shot. thank to god/

be strong. -we should.- and patient.
best wishes.

___________________________________________________________________________________

what do you mean by "normal people", neurotypicals? extroverts?

plenty of precious lil "people" are shallow. and that ain't illegal. it would be more functional, socially, to be just like "normal people". it does not matter if they are absolutely right or morally correct. just be in the majority. at least do not be autisitc.

the dictionary definition of "care" is "to attend to". "care" could be good or bad.

connotation versus denotation

usually when someone uses the word "care", they mean it in a positive way. but "to attend to" could be good or bad. yeah, and i tried to explain that to a counselor and she was not receptive. but oh well. what if she were to have been receptive, then what? seriously, plenty of idiots, especially those in the counseling professions, act like they are way more important than they are.

they make me wanna puke.

i would say neurotypicals in general yeas. though i think they are pure evil. i tink we are superiour to them. society was made for them. the world would be better place if we were majority like it was in the past.


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they make me wanna puke.[/quote]

the same

Emily Dickinson was somebody.

And she knew it----most of the time.

Obviously, Hugh, I can't "know" that you're interesting.....but I wouldn't be surprised if you were.

There are people who were quite eloquent when they thought they were boring.

I wonder what Walt Whitman thought of himself.

Bobby Vinton, the famous singer, made loneliness into an art form.

Interaction between autistic people and normies reminds me of famous novel by Camus The stranger. Normies are disgusting ...awfull.
i should stay away from this scum.I do

to be somebody as a poet means to be nobody as a social being.

She wasn't a "social being"---but she was somebody!

She was quite the "social being" within her correspondence.

She was "lonely," because that was her choice.

One doesn't have to be a social butterfly to be "somebody."

agree

i would say neurotypicals in general yeas. though i think they are pure evil. i tink we are superiour to them. society was made for them. the world would be better place if we were majority like it was in the past.


hugh

what is the definition of "evil"? neurotypicals do not choose to be neurotypical, any more than autistics choose to be autistic. if i had a choice, i would've chosen to be neurotypical instead of autistic. that would've saved me from a lot of social rejection and other forms of failure. grotesque misunderstandings.

there are a lot of neurotypicals in the world. to claim that they are "pure evil" is a vague, broad statement. you could not have interacted with all the neurotypicals in the planet. and then shown that they were "pure evil".

in some ways, someone autistic could be superior to someone neurotypical. in some ways, someone neurotypical could be superior to someone autistic.

but, superior or inferior, what difference does it make anyways? functionally. none.

yes, society is made for neurotypicals. there are a lot more neurotypicals than autistics. big deal.

when were autistics in the majority, in the past? that doesn't make sense. if autistics were in the majority then autism would not be in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual.

yeah

anyways, yeah i get that you feel disappointed and frustrated. among other emotions. while interacting with neurotypicals. and there are so many neurotypicals. and there are so many practical reasons why you just have to interact with neurotypicals. i get it. quite frankly, i am sick and tired of interacting with neurotypicals too.

but to claim that all neurotypicals are "pure evil" sounds a bit of an exaggeration. slightly too extreme.

besides, plenty of autistics have all sorts of character flaws

and i ain't awesome or perfect in any way, shape, or form. many times, i think about myself too much. many times, i am lazy. many times, i am greedy. many times, i hold grudges. many times, i am impatient.

and many times, neurotypicals just totally misunderstand me.

Yeas. im.