I feel like something is wrong with me but I don't know what

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Ever since I was a little kid, I've been known as a guy who speaks too loudly and too much, and says rude things. I probably became aware of it around the second or third grade, when I was disliked by many of my classmates and often upset my friends. My tendency to jump into conversations got me labeled nosy, even though I just wanted to not feel like I was on the outside. My tendency to avoid eye contact and say things I didn't realize were offensive or contextually inappropriate got me labeled a jerk, even though I want to be liked. Listening to and singing the same songs over and over handed me a reputation for being annoying. My sensory meltdowns make others think I'm weird, and my parents think I'm overdramatic.

The problem is that I still have these issues now, and though I have picked up a few things to try and minimize the ridicule and damage to my reputation, I still feel like I'm an outsider, because I don't understand so many things. No matter how many times I'm told not to interrupt, not to join others' conversations suddenly, not to speak so loudly, to mind my tone, to use my "filter", or to look someone in the eye when answering a question, I never seem to learn. I still make the same mistakes. I often feel like I'm on the fringes of social groups, and I only have a few friends with whom I don't feel that way, at least 1-on-1.

I find it upsetting. I get angry with myself. I'm tired of constantly making social blunders and not understanding them, and I'm tired of not knowing why. I spend a lot of time wondering what the heck is wrong with me. I've begun to consider the possibility that I may have Asperger's or another ASD. The online screening tools I've taken all suggest that I seek evaluation, and at this point, I think that would be helpful for me, if only to figure out why I am the way I am socially.

I just don't know where to go from here.

First step for me was to talk to my GP - and I explained some of the issues I was having (sensory, and executive function), they tried to refer me into the health system, (non US, public healthcare), but they had nobody who could carry out an adult assessment for autism, I was told (from the public healtchare provider) that I was on my own, and given a list of private consultants.

I settled on a specialist autistic diagnostician and arranged an appointment with them, I met with him 2 days ago, and he went through a comprehensive interview process, analysing my behaviour from childhood right up through adulthood. After this he diagnosed me with Aspergers with sensory issues, mild ADD and mild generalised anxiety.

I don't know if this will ring true for other countries, but I noticed a lot of people who could diagnose autism as a part of their practice, but only a few who were solely specialised in autism. I think I'm happy I went for the specialist as I have more confidence in their diagnosis.

I don't think you should overvalue others' opinions, especially your parents'. Moms have a tendency of knowing what's going on with their child, but even they don't usually know if something's really wrong because they love us too much. At least my parents never know if something's wrong with me, and if I tell them, they just don't take me seriously. If you feel like something's wrong, that's a different story.

As for friends, I think you should appreciate quality over quantity. As a child, I used to be like you described yourself: I jumped into conversations because I wanted to be a part of something. I didn't know what, I just saw how other kids behaved, and I tried to mimic them, making a fool out of myself in the process. It's as if they'd been born with a set of social behaviour patterns, and I wasn't. Sometimes I still feel like that, but I've learned to compensate with some things:

1. I'm a good listener. Sometimes on coffee break at work, or when I hang out with friends, I just sit at the table and observe. At university, I used to sit down on a bench in a busy corridor and watch. I've done that a lot since my adolescent years, and my behavioural mimicking has become an unconscious process that I notice sometimes, but it makes me a socially acceptable person, at least in a few people's eyes.
2. I don't care about the rest, honestly. If someone doesn't like me, they can talk to someone else, or go and @*%# themselves. Quality over quantity, always. On the other hand, not giving a damn feels absolutely glorious. I strongly recommend trying it.
3. I accept the fact that social connections work both ways. There's no method you can use to be friends with everyone, nor should you. They say there are 7 billion people on Earth, and all of them carry some kind of baggage. Being friends with them is just as much up to them, as it is up to you. If they don't want it, you can't force it. There's no magic trick here.
4. Being friends with as many people as we can is a very strong expectation of modern Western society, but I only see it as harmful for people with some kind of social oddity, like you and me (basically, it's bull@*%#). In fact, I've learned to accept, or even be proud of the fact that I'm on the fringe. If I had hundreds of friends, it would be more of an annoyance than of any use. Having a real personality is a lot rarer than friends nowadays, but it also means that you won't be part of the herd. I'd say accept it, and be proud of being a real person with a real personality.
5. The first and most important person you should listen to is yourself. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it. It won't make you more acceptable if you do something that is against your own personality.

All in all, my view is that the shallower your personality, the more friends you'll have. But if you accept yourself, observe, and learn only what you feel you can live with, then you'll have friendships that actually mean something.

Don't want to be another brick in the wall.

It all boils down to a lack of natural or inherent social-emotional intelligence, and I have had the same troubles for all of my 60+ years. Learning to not interrupt, to not invade others' conversations suddenly, to not speak so loudly, to mind my tone, to use my "filter" and/or to at least try to look someone in the eye when answering (even though I often just close my eyes and then explain that I do that to maintain clear focus) can take a lot of determination and work in the area of self-discipline. None of those things come naturally for me even today, but it is definitely possible to learn to consciously-mechanically practice them with consistency (other than while experiencing extreme overload or a meltdown).

Think of yourself as a brilliant-minded social misfit stuck somewhere between RainMan (all emotion) and Spock (all intellect), then study how Data and Spock learn to appropriately interact with others.

Ever since I was a little kid, I've been known as a guy who speaks too loudly and too much, and says rude things. I probably became aware of it around the second or third grade, when I was disliked by many of my classmates and often upset my friends. My tendency to jump into conversations got me labeled nosy, even though I just wanted to not feel like I was on the outside. My tendency to avoid eye contact and say things I didn't realize were offensive or contextually inappropriate got me labeled a jerk, even though I want to be liked. Listening to and singing the same songs over and over handed me a reputation for being annoying. My sensory meltdowns make others think I'm weird, and my parents think I'm overdramatic.

The problem is that I still have these issues now, and though I have picked up a few things to try and minimize the ridicule and damage to my reputation, I still feel like I'm an outsider, because I don't understand so many things. No matter how many times I'm told not to interrupt, not to join others' conversations suddenly, not to speak so loudly, to mind my tone, to use my "filter", or to look someone in the eye when answering a question, I never seem to learn. I still make the same mistakes. I often feel like I'm on the fringes of social groups, and I only have a few friends with whom I don't feel that way, at least 1-on-1.

I find it upsetting. I get angry with myself. I'm tired of constantly making social blunders and not understanding them, and I'm tired of not knowing why. I spend a lot of time wondering what the heck is wrong with me. I've begun to consider the possibility that I may have Asperger's or another ASD. The online screening tools I've taken all suggest that I seek evaluation, and at this point, I think that would be helpful for me, if only to figure out why I am the way I am socially.

I just don't know where to go from here.

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some precious lil "people" had the nerve i was talking too softly. some precious lil "people" had the nerve to say "huh" and "what?". it's like they wanted to specify a quota and a limit. 20 to 100 decibels. and they did not use a device to measure the number of decibels. nor did i have the nerve to tell them how loud to talk. they were so judgmental.

yeah plenty of precious lil "people" told me i said and did "rude" things. but plenty of precious lil "people" did things i found rude too. big deal. some ret*ds are so arrogant that they truly believe that if someone does something they do not like, it must be "rude".

plenty of precious lil "people" dislike(d) me. but now that i am over 18, it has been more of ignoring me. your profile says you are 16. so things will change eventually.

at least one idiot had the nerve to tell me i was "nosy". but other idiots have had the nerve to ask nosy questions too. like are you a boy or a girl? are you homeless? are you gay? how old are you? who do you live with? anyone can label anything as "nosy". big deal. so what they don't like it. i don't like them either.