Mum's new boyfriend

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My mum and dad had been together since back when my mum was at school or something, right up until my dad died about 2 years ago. Then over the past couple of weeks or so my mum's all of a sudden met this new guy, and now he's her boyfriend. It just seems like well...dad hasn't been dead for all that long...and mum's only been out there "dating" for a few months..then bang...new boyfriend.

She seems really really happy and he seems like a nice guy. I am happy for her and that she's moved on and met him, and I definitely don't expect her to be single forever or to be living in the past about dad. But I am also really jealous that she can be in the dating game for a few months and meet someone so great and nice, and I can be dating for years and not meet a single person (I am aware this is my fault, I have far too many issues). I hate how I am jealous of my mum, and I feel sad that dad really is 'gone' now.

But the thing that really gets to me is that she has to tell me all about their time together like a 16 year old with a crush. We are quite close, but I am still her daughter, and I don't need to know every bit of detail. It just makes me sad and I wish she could go out and have fun with her new boyfriend without having to fill me in on stupid things ("when he came to pick me up he accidentally came at the wrong time....isn't that funny? hahahaha")

(Unrelated, I went over to her place for tea with my bro the other night and he called up just as I was trying to leave. I heard her mention she went and saw me doing a performance thing at a pub one night, and she told him "oh, Cad does stuff like that. I went and watched her the other week. She wasn't the best." It made me so mad because she can be so critical/blunt and she has been telling everyone including me that I was "not the best" ever since the show was on. I don't expect credit where it's not due, but she could just say "oh yeah I saw Cad" or say that the other performers were good or not say anything at all...)

How do I stop being so negative about it all? How do I tell mum to get on with her life and spare me the details?

I think maybe i need to start seeing my councilor again. I was seeing him for a while when dad died, then mum kept asking me "are you still seeing John? Surely you can start seeing him less and less..." so I'm paranoid she'll find out. I am 28!

That reads like a really complicated situation.
In the first though, if your mum has had much more success dating than you have, maybe she could actually give you some advice? I'm sure she has her "issues" too, everyone does - maybe she is just better at presenting them in that situation? It could help you feel less jealous of her success if it was helping you with yours, and you could benefit from her experience.
It may also help if you talked with her up front about feeling a bit jealous of her, and that it may be due to feeling the absence of your dad, and maybe share that with her instead of feeling like you have to keep it to yourself. I'd bet this has occurred to her too, and she might have some ideas about how to get past it, or at least a bit more sensitivity in that awareness about telling you all these things.
As to the gossiping bit - maybe being with a boyfriend again instead of a husband with whom she had children and a life, makes her feel like a 16-year-old with a crush? And she is just enjoying feeling that way again?
Talking with her and acknowledging you understand she's probably really excited and happy about her new relationship, and you're happy she is enjoying herself, but that you would rather be left out of the details as she is an adult and your own mother, may be the gentlest way just to set your boundary there.
I have to do this a fair bit with relatives around being an adult with autism. The operative word being adult. I have to sometimes be very clear what is and is not appropriate between us, and make that consistently known. No, it is not appropriate to act in this or that way, etc. Setting that boundary up kindly may do the trick - no, it's not appropriate that you tell your daughter every aspect of your love life, maybe that would be more appropriate between friends, work colleagues, etc.
Being overly critical - unless you really want to get into it with her, I would let that sort of thing slide were it me. You can just be happy with your own performance - she doesn't have to praise you for it. In some ways were I you I would prefer that honesty, than someone falsely flattering my pride. You could bring it up if you haven't already, and ask her not to be so critical of you to other people as you find that to be out of line, but is it worth the trouble?
Why does she have a problem with you seeing a councilor, did she say? Did you explain simply why you felt the need to see him, and that you have every right to if you want to? You shouldn't have to feel paranoid about seeking some extra help if you need to.

She just jumped onto an online site, had a couple of awkward dates, then found this new guy. She always tells me I should try online dating but I've had a few goes at it and I find it overwhelming and stressful (I was on for months and had many bad dates...some disasters. Mum it seems has had 2) Mum is 100% NT and says she reckons I would probably find it harder than her but I should keep trying to "get out there." Ugh.



Yeah, she did ask if I'm ok with it to start with and I said that I can take it in small doses, but then she forgot and gets "verbal diarrhea" as an old teacher used to call it.



I reread my post and I sound like a bit of a drama queen I guess I just put that bit in because it was fresh on my mind. She is often blunt and critical about things, this is just her latest one. Her mum (my grandma) is far worse. I don't expect her to praise me at all, compliments are embarrassing. I just wish she wouldn't pay me out about things. For instance a few years ago when I dropped my motorbike she went around telling everyone "Cad has this stupid motorbike that's too powerful for her and she can't even ride it very well hahahaha." It is unrelated to her having a boyfriend I was just in a terrible mood when I did the OP.



She's just old fashioned. She thinks that if you have a problem, you go over to your mates place for a cup of tea and talk about it for a few hours...then everything is fine. A family friend killed himself and she said "oh, how selfish." Not her fault, just her generation. We are from backwater rural Australia.

Thanks for your suggestions though, there are some good ones in there. I'll try to implement them as I go along.