Great to be back.

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For anyone who cares, I was gone for about 3 days.

On Monday, I was feeling really sad, and that mixed with everything else made me feel suicidal, so I took a shower and cut a lot, and then I knew I was going to do something so I was convinced to tell my mom, and then I did. She sent me to the hospital, in the emergancy room.
I got 51/50'd and I went back to the psych ward. I stayed there for a few days, and the doctor put me on 50mg of Zoloft, and I'm going to get it increased today.
But while I was gone, my sister told my mom about me smoking weed and she showed my mom my blog on DailyStrength and it was really personal, and now I can't go to my dad's house for a while.
And my mom called the principal at school to get my friends in trouble, and I feel like complete s**t for it. I would rather just myself get into trouble because my friends didn't deserve any of it.
The principal also told my mom about what happened last Friday, and it turns out that the kid got into trouble and I feel really bad for it because it's my fault it happened.
I'm scared that my friends won't talk to me anymore, and that I'll get beat up if I go back. I don't want to go back.
I want to drop out and get my GED and go to a community college for a while and try to leave this place.
I don't know why I feel calm about it all, it might be the Zoloft, though it's probably too soon to tell.
I regret everything ever happening.

I'm sorry if I caused you more problems by telling you you should tell your mom. I still think it was better for you that you went though. And you shouldn't blame yourself for other people getting in trouble; that wasn't your fault.
I'm glad you are back though and feeling better than the other day.

It's not your fault at all.

I am sorry about you not being aloud to go back to your dads for a while.

You shouldn't blame yourself for other poeople getting in trouble. Do you mean the kid that was making threats to you?

Hmm... well I hope didn't mess things up for you anyway. Are you going to go back to school?

The kid was threatening to get his friends to beat me up.
And I don't want to go back to school, and I don't think I will.

It's probably the Zoloft that's keeping you calm. I guess they figured that if things were bad enough that you needed to be hospitalized, then they wanted to find the root of the problem. It caused a big mess when they did, but they only did it because they care about you. They may have been a little misguided when they got your friends in trouble.

Would it help if you told them that you're afraid to go back because you're afraid you'll get beat up? They probably should be told that they made you regret telling them you were having trouble. They might learn something.

Last edited by Esperanza on 01 Jun 2007, 3:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know how to tell my mom.

Wow, I couldn't even work up the courage to tell my mom if I felt like killing myself.

I dunno. I tend to be very blunt so if it was my Mom I'd just come right out and say it. I'd walk into the room and say, "You know, I think you made a mistake when you called the Principal. I'm worried that I'll get beat up when I go back to school, and there's nothing the school can do to stop that because they know how to avoid getting caught. You made me regret telling you I needed help. I wish you had respected my trust."

If that doesn't work for you then I guess you could try writing it down and giving it to her in note form. Explain that you have difficulty saying it but you were able to write it out so here you go.

Writing it down is a good idea, because brain farts can mangle what you might say in person. I think you might refrain from directly "blaming" mom for the other kids. Maybe just saying plainly that you have good information that those kids plan on beating you up in a way that they don't get caught. You can say it's been made to look like you snitched when you didn't and you fear the repercussions.
Getting a GED and going to college makes a lot more sense if you can do it.

I'm going to talk to my new psychiatrist about it.

if it was the guy who was threatening you, don't blame yourself for getting him in trouble, he got himself in trouble.

I didn't want him in trouble; I wanted to fight him to be fair.

I also would hate to go back to school if I were in your position, it would work if you talk to the principal what are you afraid of?

Talking to the psychiatrist about all of this it might help you a lot with all of this.

great to see you sorry to hear about what happened
I hope it goes better in the soon future