Codependency or Care

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Hey, Guys

I honestly don't post here enough. I tend to come back when I'm in need of a bit of support.

Recently I've been working on myself (Life Purpose, Goals, Emotional Irregularities) and I noticed that I grew up being neglected and that it has caused me to be codependent.

Part of my way of examining my purpose is to go back into my past and pick out the times when I was most happy. These tend to be signals of what we need to focus on more in life (especially as life throws some really complicated situations our way through adulthood).

I noticed that my happiest moments were times when I helped others to be happy or when I was accepted or wanted. These "signals" worry me however because I recently learned that codependency is especially bad and I worry these happy moments were simply my way of using my strategies as a codependent child/teen/adult to make myself happy/wanted/needed. I'm beginning to believe the world is naturally about serving our own needs first and if we wish to help others/make them happy then it is deemed unhealthy and open to crossed boundaries. The problem is.. my heart really yearns to help others and I love the feeling of seeing others happy (an emotion I find hard to express).

So my question is to all those out there who can shine some light on this. Are my happy moments truly "codependent episodes/happiness" or are they truly because helping others is a wonderful thing and which makes us feel good too? I'm so confused! Its one of those typical aspie moments, where duality hurts my brain.

I happen to believe that helping others is a wonderful thing, and it's a "win-win" situation usually.

Unless the person you are helping takes advantage of your good works and heart.

I wouldn't stop helping people because of a supposed "selfish motive." I find that concept to be foolish. So what if you're "selfish" if you help someone!

Thank you KraftieKortie, Yes it does sound silly when you suppose it that way. I've also seen contradiction articles against codependency too, but it is majorly weighed against as being bad. Not so much selfish, but kind of unhealthy for you because you become too dependent upon others praise/need for you, and when it isn't given it makes the person upset.

To me, its always felt confusing that people wanted me one minute and the next they didn't again.. pick me up and put me down sort of situations. It's a duality to me which hurts me a lot. I just want to help people because when I do I see them settled, happy, fulfilled and feeling part of something greater than themselves. Maybe it's the degree to which I do help or the order of which I prioritise things (e.g. You can't love others until you love yourself). I also had a therapist who I highly regard and she once told me that codependency wasn't bad if it was mutual (the basis of all relationships).