Coping with a loss

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A week ago today, my cousin committed suicide. It still doesn't feel real. So many people loved her and it's just heartbreaking to me that she couldn't see how amazing she was. I really do wish I could go back in time and stop the whole thing from happening, but I know that I can't dwell on that at all.

I'd love some advice from people who've been in a similar situation, as tough as it is. I don't know when it's going to fully sink in for me that this has happened or what kind of emotions to expect from it. Anything helps, really.

I'm so sorry for you. That's just awful. I assume she was young like you?

I have no experience with this, but I have friends who lost close family members that way. It's so horrible, I hope that anyone reading this and wanting to do it will please think twice and try to solve their problems another way.

I have no comforting words, but I hope that you and your family may be able to deal with this together rather than separately.

Best wishes.

Thank you, I appreciate that and fully agree with you- if anyone is considering ending their life, please don't.

My cousin was about 2 months younger than me. We were fairly close despite not being able to see each other very often. It has brought my family closer together, but I do wish that this whole thing had never happened. I wish that something better could've had us realize we that needed to stop taking each other for granted.

I had an ex-fiancee who committed suicide almost 20 years ago.

Even if I denied it at the time, it was still a great loss. It will never go away.

What you stated only confirms my feeling that suicide is an absolute waste, and gets nobody nowhere.

If I were you, I would pay tribute to your cousin by trying to be the best person you can be.

So she can look down on you, and be proud of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss as well!

Thank you, by the way. That actually made me tear up a bit. I really appreciate that.

You haven't written anything in your blog yet.....

I did mention my cousin briefly in one of the posts I did today, but towards the end of it and more discreetly ("I most definitely didn’t want to find out that someone very dear to me ended her life recently"). I found out what happened from my mom the following morning, so that's why I have an entry on the 24th. I ended up not writing anything on my blog for a week after getting the news of her passing because I just lost motivation. My sleep schedule is STILL messed up because I stayed up crying last Wednesday night, which sucks.

I'm honestly not at all sure to handle this at all: I didn't even leave a memorial message on my late cousin's social media page until I specifically got permission from my aunt to do that. Part of me would be concerned that she would be even sadder if I talked about it on my blog in more detail right now, since she actively reads it. I also don't want to approach her and ask her if I can do that; I fear that would come across as me being insensitive.

None of my family is ever going to see this thread, so I'm more comfortable talking about it here and asking questions on here about what to expect while processing this event. I'm probably massively overthinking this, though.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I know mine is not as severe as yours, but I still think about my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me in mid-January, and our family pet rabbit who died about two weeks later. I guess grief works differently for everybody, but I sort of want these emotions. I have the feeling that if I forgot about the ones I lost, I would be dishonouring their memory. This way, they still live inside the black hole that their loss left in my heart.

So... if you're like me, then grief won't fully sink in. You'll just get used to it. Sorry I said that.

How do I get to the passages which you did write? I wasn't able to access anything.

I found it. Thanks.

No problem!

I am sorry for you. I don't think there is much advice one could give as everyone grieves in a different way.

There isn't really an emotion to expect, different grieves may give different results even if it's the same person.

These losses are especially galling because they are so unnecessary, just a tragic waste of human potential. How would you feel differently if your cousin were killed in a car accident or a meningitis infection? The suicide of a young person is just so illogical.

I suspect you will find that this experience will affect you for many years. Absolutely do find someone you can talk to about it or, perhaps, you do that online. Trying not to think about it and blocking the painful feelings, while sometimes a necessity for a short time, is not healthy.

Someone above suggested trying to be the best person you can be. I also say, since your cousin couldn't live a full life, let that be your reason to life a full one yourself, a long one, a healthy one, and a happy and successful one.

It always amazes me how many people settle for unhappiness. For all those who have gone before, for all those who couldn't live a full life, as living people it is our OBLIGATION to live as happily as possible. Anything less is a waste.