I hate my uncle

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Maybe not hate hate, but he does make me cross and I don't always want to be in his company. He comes round uninvited all the time and he has a really weird way of thinking. Usually I admire people with odd thinking ways, but not his thinking way. He usually says things to me that pushes my buttons, not on purpose to annoy me, but just because it's part of his strange personality. He tells me to ''grow up'' when I'm not acting like a child at all (like when I'm expressing an opinion or something), and he tells me to ''stop moaning'' when I'm not moaning at all but just talking about something in a matter-of-fact way, and if I am told to ''grow up'' or ''stop moaning'' it usually triggers off a meltdown. Also he doesn't understand that other people have phobias. He thinks only little kids have phobias and that when you're an adult you mustn't be scared of anything (which, ironically, I think is a childish attitude). It's the way his mind works which gets to me. Then he wonders why I sometimes avoid him. You can't even tell him that he sometimes upsets me with his responses, because he will still use the same responses and you can't argue with him.
He never has a girlfriend, nor hardly any friends, and so he just hangs about the family all the time, saying stupid things. Whenever I tell my mum about how I feel, an argument breaks out. She just yells ''you can't stop my brother from visiting us!'' and all of that. She understands that he has this strange thinking style, but she says that's just the way he is and that he's always been like that. But I can't deal with his ways. For some reason the words ''stop moaning'' and ''grow up'' seem to really get to me and often make me really angry when I'm told these, and my uncle uses those words the most on people. I hate it.

I am thinking of just biting the bullet and finding a new job near where my boyfriend lives so that I can move in with my boyfriend and never have to deal with my uncle again.

Never in the history of the phrase Calm Down has anyone calmed down as a result of being told to calm down.

Mostly, they were calm already.

Dont take it to heart

In actual fact grow up doesnt always mean you were behaving like a kid, it can be a figure of speech.

Your uncle loves you Im sure.

Well I had to move out when my relatives were driving me nuts. Things are much more peaceful now. You might have to move out.

Someone else don’t really get along with their relatives. I don’t feel love for my sister, she thinks she knows everything about me, she thinks she knows what best for me. I live on my own, I haven’t seen her in two years, I don’t miss her, but I do text her she is in charge of my trust fund & my rent & bills. I wish she was out of my life.

My daughter was squealing with frustration and I told her, "You're an adult now. You don't get to squeal any more."

Later she told me "I hated you so much when you said that."

But she has an adult relationship with an adult man, and interacts with neighbors, friends, and family members. She needs to give up the coping strategies that worked at age 10. It has been hard on her to do so. But I pointed out that it is hard on the ears of the people around her when she squeals, and would SHE like to listen to anyone else doing that? (no.)

I'm not saying you squeal. I'm just saying that we autistics can be annoying to other people, and it doesn't hurt to consider whether we are bringing problems on ourselves when we do that. And I do think it would be good if you could move in with your boyfriend, finding any employment you can in his area. The arrangement you have now does not seem very satisfying at all.

He sounds like he has Aspergers

But probably doesn't realize it if he's from an older generation. I reckon a lot of the older aspies, especially who are still undiagnosed, have developed their own bizarre coping skills to live with it. Sounds like he has taught himself to be blind to any criticism.

All I can suggest really is saying things to wind him up until he doesn't want to be near you anymore. Maybe ask him for money? That usually sends people running. Or keep sending him emails/facebook messages with annoying game requests and petitions to sign.

Alternatively maybe buy him or loan a book from the library for him about Aspergers. Tell him you want him to understand your condition better or just say you heard the book was amazing so felt the need to give it him. He might learn more about you or he might learn more about himself. Or both.

Most Aspies have it drummed into them that they have more sensitive ears than NTs, so maybe she bears that in mind when she squeals. NTs seem to happily tolerate a loud dog barking unpredictably in an echoey room, while it makes me terribly anxious.

My uncle has some AS-like traits, although as a kid a teen and young adult he was rather popular among NT peers, and he doesn't have most the Aspie traits.
But he does prefer to work on his own rather than with others, and he's always had an interest in intellectual things like fact books, even at as young as 7 years old.

I hate your uncle too!

Have you tried telling him to grow up and to stop moaning?

You are an adult Joe, so speak to him in a calm tone but give him a taste if his own medicine.

I know he's your uncle and you'll probably hate me for saying this but he sounds like a right dickhead.