Feel like I have no identity

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I am so exhausted trying to understand how I came to be in the position I am in life and I feel like I've had to battle every day.
Now I feel like that has all been erased and I have no idea who I am and whether the person I was even existed.
I feel like I'm starting from scratch and this time I feel all on my own with noone around me understanding anything I say and I don't understand them and seem to have lost the ability to interact with anyone.
I just want a break from my brain so I can rest and learn to accept myself and that whoever I am, It's ok.
But when I feel like I have no identity, I feel I have nothing to build on.

Is there anyone who has had a late diagnosis and feel like all of a sudden you're questioning everything?

Welcome to Wrong Planet. You sound like you have had a rough time.

Hopefully knowing what you know now will at least have the benefit of making some sense of your past.

I don't quite understand what's been erased - did you lose your job?

Questioning everything, yes. But suddenly finding answers.
And whoever you are, it's ok.

I had a similar experience when I transitioned. I was not the person I once was, everything physical and psychological and social had shifted, and in a way, had to build up a new person to be.
If it's the autism diagnosis that's doing your proverbial number, then it may also translate - not everything you were before the diagnosis has changed, just as not everything before transition was ruled out for me. You've still had the same experiences, and there's no rule against having the same interests and pursuits pre and post diagnosis.
What would you have considered the staples of your identity before diagnosis? What made you you? How has that changed afterwards? Can some of those things be continued, or altered to fit with the way you're perceiving yourself as an autistic?
It's ok to question everything. You might find out some interesting things you'd overlooked about why you are the way you are, and that could help explain things for you. If you're in the process of change and rebuilding that's ok too, nothing wrong with that. Just take the process for what it is - go with it. It might be awesome.

Your post is very vague. Since there are not specific details it is easy to place your words in my own context. Although I am sure our circumstances are very different almost every word applies exactly to how I feel about my life lately in a weirdly literal sense. I hope you can find some comfort and advice here. I find it really helpful sometimes just to read about other people on WP who have similar issues to my own.
Life an be a struggle sometimes. Please try to be well, and be kind to yourself. I know that is not always easy.

I can relate. I am going through something similar myself, I've known for many years but I am only really engaging with that side myself recently. It's liberating in many ways, as you finally can start to find and express your true self. But really disconcerting at the same time, because you've been wearing a mask, playing a role for so long and didn't even understand that you were doing it, or at least didn't understand why. So now that you have an opportunity to find your true self and become that person in action and thought, 1) you do not have much practice being or even recognizing your true self and 2) your life and relationships are built around the person you were, the roles you were playing, the identity you thought you had.

You've got a psychological "disequilibrium" where your lif, many parts of your mind and thoughts, and probably your relationships as well haven't caught up to your new realization. This takes time and work to process and update things. But it's a huge learning and growth experience and you will almost certainly come out a better person with a better life on the other side. At least you'll have a community of like minded folks here to help remind you that this AS stuff and the struggles are real and you're not alone.

I'm sure I'm projecting some of my unique experience above but I really think that this stuff applies in general. Welcome to the forums and good luck with your journey man.

Yes, I had a late diagnosis and I am still questioning everything but it is a little easier than when it was very raw.

I felt as though everything had changed but also that nothing had changed. It has been very confusing.
There have been times when I wondered who I am - where do I go from here, why now, who is that in the mirror?

I recently withdrew myself from everything and everyone to endure my depression on my own and work things out. I am having a depression break. I am also getting some support for this.

I didn't give myself time to do this before - instead I pushed myself with my work.
It is your time now to tend to yourself and others will have to wait for you to be ready to come back to yourself.

I hope this was helpful and not to much like my own agenda.

Forming your identity isn't something you can do in a week or in a year. It's a continuous process that lasts for your whole life.

Hi

Thank you all for your supportive responses.

I guess looking back at what I wrote, the problem I am having is that I had a mask so thick that I didn't realise I had created.
Since my diagnosis of autism it has kind of opened my eyes to all the things I've been desperately trying to change, when in fact it was just me and that it may seem strange to others but doesn't mean it's wrong.
Also my mum was my main carer and we developed a very codependant unhealthy relationship that I am now realising had a lot to do with how I navigated the world and how I dealt with things.
She never wrapped me in cotton wool or was over protective, in fact she was always pushing me to not sit and wallow, but get up and do something.
For example I was at university and my mental health deteriorated and I ended up having to take a year out. Mum said, you're not sitting on your arse, so I decided to become a trampoline instructor as I used to compete as a child but could no longer do it due to health issues.
I got my qualification and taught trampolining to children for 6-7 years.
However last year my mum stepped away emotionally and I really though I was fairly independent but ever since things have just got worse and worse to the point I feel like I don't understand anything and the comparison between then and now just seems so huge, it's almost like I'm looking back at a different person's life.
I was functional, I was at university and was a trampoline instructor.
Now every day is a battle because all the things I felt structured me, are all gone and now all I'm left with is a daily struggle to understand and noone else seems to understand me either so I feel very alone, questioning everything I ever thought, all my memories and questioning everything my mum ever said.
I also dissociated from things and now it's like my memories were a dream and I can't recall a lot of them and it's painful to try.
I also have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, which I got before my autism diagnosis, which unfortunately I think still stands, much to my annoyance.
I also have OCD and severe phobia of vomiting - emetophbia.
And I want to become me, not a bunch of labels.
People say, be yourself, but when you go out into the world, your behaviour is questioned, I'm seen as strange and I look obviously different and I want to just carry on but how can I when I am constantly reminded by the world that I am different.

Sorry, long post.
I hope that made sense

Yes, it makes perfect sense. Living with layers of masks because you were never allowed to be yourself. And now it all collapsed. Been there.
I doubt the BPD diagnosis, it might be your misunderstood ASD. I don't say it for sure but it may be rethinked.
I'm on my way out of the masks with a good therapist. Still hard but better and functional.
I think you need to allow yourself some rest. Probably a lot of rest. From overstimulation and fulfilling expectations. Probably first you need to understand how exhausting they have always been.
I know, it is easy to say...