Try Again? I can't do it, anxieties, depression, & birthdays

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So Vidme is shutting down. This is the third time I've poured my heart and soul into a hobby and now the second time the backfire is happening another year and a half later. There is no good enough place I can record video games without any false flagged copyright backlash that I get from YouTube. I suppose I could try again, but wait, there's are two problems on the horizon. Normally discussing these two topics will send me into a mild anxiety attack, but my medication is working so I'll have no problems. The issues: Tax reform and net neutrality.

My family makes nowhere near 100K. We're renting. We're not saving any money. It's impossible and yet, we manage to pay the rent and the bills on time, buy groceries and all that. We might have some left over to buy want items but that's about it. It's assured the republican tax bill will be signed into law. Our taxes are going to go up and our rent will go up too and in 10 years from now, our income will be a net loss. Some people put so much faith into this trickle down thing and it never comes. I get schooled by supporters saying I should go back to economics school or I'm not qualified to be rich. I don't want to be rich. Am I qualified for any quality of life? I, in turn, see them waiting for trickle down like people dying of thirst during a drought season as they put faith into something that never was or will be and yet they'll believe until the bitter end.

Net neutrality is a guaranteed loss. All the major ISPs are getting ready to nickel and dime their customers to death in exchange for crappy, crappier, or crappiest service. I don't know much about my own ISP, but the odds of them adopting Comcast, AT&T, Time Warner, and/or Verizon's business model are random. Let's say they do, will internet become so expensive that I'll have to drop it? Fat lanes, slow lanes, website packaging, throttling, etc. It's too much to bear.

These issues are plaguing my mind as I think about giving my gaming video hobby another shot. One side tells me go right ahead, there's nothing to fear. Another side of me says let's see where these things on the horizon go first before we make a move. My last side of me says give up now because it'll just be another short amount of time before it all blows up again.

I'm afraid of trying again. I'm afraid things will come and stop me in my tracks again and the next time I have to try again, I won't be able to afford to. It's times like these I have to ask forget the meaning life, What is the meaning of my life? Why must I go through this horrible cycle? Why did everything start to suck 4 and a half years ago? I know life isn't fair, but is life corrupt? Is god corrupt? Does god hate me? It never ends. These question keep coming and coming.

I've been depressed for a good 24 hours now. It depresses me knowing this and seeing this stuff every day. I should look away from it all as it's not healthy, but I'm addicted to knowing what bad things may come. I have to know what threats may knock me off my position in life. I'm just too aware of my surroundings that ignoring is not possible. Deep down, it's my destiny to lose everything I've gained in the first 20 years of my life and I want to see it coming rather than be caught off guard.

As my 26th birthday approaches this month, I fear it'll be the worst one yet since I almost don't feel like celebrating. What's there to celebrate? Here's to another year of pain and misery? Here's to the continuing off balance of my win/loss streak? Here's to government corruption taking away every little thing that keeps me quiet and happy? Here's to my eventual ultimate undoing whenever that may be?

I need light. Something to make all this evil go away.