Depressed

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I wish I didn’t feel like this, hating myself. I wish my mom was alive to make things better. Being an adult is tooooo hard! Time for me to die. I’m so overwhelmed right now, I want to go to sleep & never wake up.

Hmmm, if this is still ongoing and getting worse (or hell, even staying the same) in my opinion you should really be getting some help for it as well as the online forums here.
Do you have support where you are? Have you told anyone about what is going on, or tried to address the problems?
Focusing on being depressed and feeling crappy and obsessing about yourself endlessly (I do the latter to bits) can actually make you feel worse. It compounds and reinforces it until that's all you're thinking about. The world still exists, outside that
Your mother may not be around to help, but is anyone else? I don't strictly mean "professional" help (though certainly, if that's helpful to you) but just in general. Getting out of your head seems in order from what you write here.
I hope it looks up for you! Feeling depressed is no way for you to be.