Is it hopelessness?

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I'm not depressed and I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that but I feel like I've switched off emotionally.

I don't know what people must see when they look into my eyes but I can only imagine they see just two black holes.

I can't even explain all this.

Is it just hopelessness?

overload maybe? I saw you fighting the good fight recently, pretty much to no avail (let's keep it at that level without specifics, because my focus is your emotional investment, not the specific situation). That is draining.

Plus if you are in the US the entire disability community just got its teeth kicked in, as did anyone without a trust fund, and the ramifications haven't come through yet, but they will. Waiting for the other shoe to drop sucks.

Emotional exhaustion is a thing. I wish I could give you a transfusion... and I wish I knew the answer to this: do you have critters? Warm fur that loves and is loved by you can heal so much. With or without warm fur, good music and a cup of coffee, or tea, or mocha (coffee with cocoa ) or cocoa can do a lot too. If I could, I'd hand you a cup through the screen, your choice, right now, and ask if you prefer Bach or Gregorian chants or whatever.

Here is a hug. Repeat as needed.

Thank you for your response. I'm in the UK by the way.

Maybe you're right, it could be overload.

I feel like I just do things because I have to and I have no support so in order to get through I just have to switch off emotionally or else I wouldn't be able to cope with everything I need to do.

I can't invest in people because I suppose I'm scared of getting hurt and when people make me promises like opportunities at work I can't get excited because I don't ever believe that they will follow through with their promises.

Its not work that's the problem really, I do like my work.

I don't know, maybe I'm going through some kind of mid life crisis or something.

Its been on my mind lately that I used to fall in love at the drop of a hat (I know that sounds silly and it was always unrequited) but at least I felt something.

I don't even think I'll fall in love again. I don't think I've got it in me anymore.

I'm so sorry. I'm 20 years ahead of you and not a good example of "love among the ruins" at all, alas; I gave up on that a while ago, except for my furpeople.

For what it's worth, most of the human relationships I've been able to observe closely seem to generate far more pain than joy, and I don't think it's supposed to be like that. It seems as though there's always the Lover and the Beloved, one to give, one to take. That can't be right. Opting out may not be the worst decision.

It does sound as though you're tired, emotionally (I hope that is not a rude idiom in the UK). Lack of support sucks, too, and there isn't much for Aspie adults. I don't have any easy answers - a day to yourself, with the things that relax you, and the best food you can bring yourself to eat. Self-care. Melatonin, if you can find it and tolerate it - works wonders for me, your results may vary.

What's melatonin?

Sleep hormone. Related to serotonin. The older we get, the less melatonin we make, which is why some people have trouble sleeping well as they age. A while ago (decades) everyone I loved was dying, almost at once. I took melatonin nightly, which I think is how I survived.

Your local apothecary should have it, if it's available OTC in the UK. If it's not, ask about tart cherry juice; tart cherries are loaded with it, for some strange reason.

Oh, that's interesting. I'll look out for it.

As for pets, I would love a dog but it would be unfair to keep one as I'm out at work all week and I live in a flat as well and were not supposed to keep them.

I feel much better for chatting to you here though.

Thank you.