Am I too competitive?

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I went to two housewarmings in two days. Both for aspie guys in their twenties. I'm in my 30s and haven't bought a house. I feel like I'm falling behind.

But this feeling is turning into an obsession! A year ago my psychologist said I was obsessed with the idea of getting a university degree and that I kept comparing myself to people who had one. The year before that I was obsessed with getting a girlfriend and kept comparing myself to people who had one. I wonder what it will be next year?

In all of these cases the age of the other person is always a factor. It's always -
"He bought a house and he's younger than me"
"He graduated from university and he's younger than me"
"He's got a girlfriend and he's younger than me".

It's not enough for me to achieve these things, I feel I have to do them at an early age or I'll be less than them. I keep feeling if I achieve these things when I'm ten years older than they were, it won't count.

I daren't tell them my feelings or I would be even more humiliated so I just sit in silence, being antisocial and pretending to check my phone.

I thought perhaps when I have the money, I could buy a house in secret. Not tell anyone at work. They all boast about it but I'd keep it secret from them or otherwise they might figure out how envious I am of their financial savvy. Anyway, why boast about it when it took me twice as long? Why boast about finishing in last place?

Lately I've been thinking I've been getting too competitive so I shouldn't buy a house at all so my obsessive competitiveness will go away in a little while.

It will be just like how, over time I mostly stopped obsessing about getting a degree. There was a time when I felt like I'm not an adult because I didn't have a degree. I thought about it constantly. Now I rarely think of it. Yet now I feel like I'm not an adult because I don't own a house. I think about it constantly.

Maybe the only way to stop this negative obsession is to not do it. Just wait it out. Then maybe the obsession will go away. Or maybe I'll get competitive about some other thing.

Also I'm worried that I might end up spending too much money on it. I feel a bit paranoid about spending money now because that money could go towards a house but if I buy some elaborate house that might end up being an even bigger waste of money.

With the two housewarmings I went too, one was far superior to the other. One was small and cheaply made and the other was large and very luxurious. I don't want to overspend by trying to compete with that. That could lead to a crippling mortgage.

Am I too competitive? Is there a way I can stop?

I feel like I want to take a page out of Dale Carnegie's book and stop worrying and start living but if I try to keep up with other people than I'm worrying and if I try to do nothing in order to not keep up with them then I'm not living, I'm just doing nothing.

I almost feel like I'm just copying everyone. At best I'm a conformist drone and at worst I'm like Daffy Duck who not only copies everyone but also does a comically worse job of it.

Perhaps I could choose a more unique goal in life. Then I'd feel like more of an individual rather than someone who follows the crowd.

What should I do? How can I end these obsessive thoughts? They're actually giving me insomnia. I'm always worrying.

There is no time limit. Buy a house at any time. Don't rush it.
Buy a house in secret. That way I won't be worried about people judging me for being too old when I buy it.
Buy a small, cheap house. Since I'm buying it secretly, I won't have to buy a bigger house than other people because they'll never see it.

This should help eliminate worry. If I do it secretly I won't have to worry about everyone judging me for when and how I do it.

I think you overdo it a bit.

You’re okay.

You’ll do better once you know you’re okay.

Damn! My secret plan has been leaked! I told someone in confidence but I have a very loud voice so everyone in the office heard it!

Classic Aspie LOL.....difficulty regulating the volume of the voice.

Yeah...I've been told that by my wife----that I talk too loudly in stores.

I also speak loudly, usually without realizing it.
Had a plan for a practical joke involving speaking incredibly loud in a grocery store while wearing a rather odd (for the area) outfit. And sometimes I like to yell compliments and pleasantries at random strangers.

At the op,
If it's any consolation, you're probably doing far better than I am, as far as perceived success. I think that setting your own standards to measure yourself with may be a good bet. I see friends from my past achieving their goals and dreams, becoming successful. I'm a bit envious at times, seeing them build careers, some even in their dream jobs. Several weddings recently, one friend just became a father. But I'm happy for them, and I know that I don't want any of the things they're doing, really. I have no interest in meeting their standards, and I know they have no interest in meeting mine. Attempting to do so, on either part, really wouldn't be satisfying, I think.
Or, in other words, don't be too hard on yourself. Patience.