Private Message That Turned Into Insults & The Like

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28 Nov 2017, 2:50 pm

Has anyone here struck up a friendship with another member and believe that everything was fine but then as each new message comes in , they accuse you of something different then eventually they , self destruct , twist everything on it's head and say that that you're manipulative when all you've done is been a friend.

Is this a common thing amongst Aspies or this forum ?

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Raleigh
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28 Nov 2017, 3:22 pm

Hmm.
I wonder if it was the same member who did it to me and quite a few others I know of on here?
It sounds very familiar.

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elbowgrease
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28 Nov 2017, 3:26 pm

I've experienced it in real life, but not on here.

Temeraire
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28 Nov 2017, 5:54 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Sorry to hear this Mr Ferris.
I have always found you a thoroughly friendly and supportive guy.
You can't please everyone.

SaveFerris
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28 Nov 2017, 5:56 pm

Raleigh wrote:

Hmm.
I wonder if it was the same member who did it to me and quite a few others I know of on here?
It sounds very familiar.

what? There's a member here who does this regularly ? wtf ?

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SaveFerris
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28 Nov 2017, 6:03 pm

Temeraire wrote:

Sorry to hear this Mr Ferris.
I have always found you a thoroughly friendly and supportive guy.
You can't please everyone.

Thanks Temeraire , I do try to be friendly and supportive but there is only so much negativity I can take before it affects my mental health.
And you're right it would be ridiculous to think you can please everyone - sad thing is I do :oops:

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Temeraire
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28 Nov 2017, 6:32 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Temeraire wrote:

Sorry to hear this Mr Ferris.
I have always found you a thoroughly friendly and supportive guy.
You can't please everyone.

I would question whether this is really a friend.
Friends do not leave others feeling this bad.
Look after your mental health and take care of yourself.

Raleigh
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28 Nov 2017, 8:59 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Raleigh wrote:

Hmm.
I wonder if it was the same member who did it to me and quite a few others I know of on here?
It sounds very familiar.

what? There's a member here who does this regularly ? wtf ?

Yes, there is, unfortunately.
I hope you have not been too hurt by their behaviour.
I can only say the problem is with THEM and certainly not with you.

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the_phoenix
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28 Nov 2017, 10:37 pm

Something similar, but likely a different person.
In my case, we mutually wanted to become online friends here via private messages.
And I would have been happy exchanging phone numbers at some point,
and sending cards and letters etc. by snail mail.
Then this person started saying that online friends weren't real friends.
And then this person posted publicly that they had no friends.
At which point I learned that this person did not consider me a friend.
Because online or offline, I'm a real person who doesn't want to waste my time
on someone who refuses to see me as real.
So I stopped with the private messages to that person.
Because really, why bother after that?

naturalplastic
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28 Nov 2017, 10:58 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Something kinda like that happened to me.

Way back when I started on WP I ran across a nice young lady and we struck up a correspondence. Not PMing, but actual e mailing.

We had a great letter writing relationship despite living in separate countries on separate continents. Kinda like Anthony Hopkins and Ann Bancroft in the movie "84 Charring Cross Road". Except the principles in that movie were platonic despite being of the opposite sex, and I became kinda smitten with my pen pal, though it was not at all romantic on her end.

Then in one letter she twisted everything I said around and got angry and never talked to me again. Just all at once. Friends agree with me that "she was being crazy" and that I didn't do anything wrong. But not only do I miss her her craziness kinda just shows that....she needed by special TLC and understanding :heart:

. Still haven't recovered from it. Oh well.

SaveFerris
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29 Nov 2017, 7:46 am

Temeraire wrote:

I would question whether this is really a friend.
Friends do not leave others feeling this bad.
Look after your mental health and take care of yourself.

I never questioned it as I knew this person had issues ( don't we all ) and was willing to overlook things as I was trying to be supportive. This person messaged me the day before my assessment , the day of my assessment and after but their anxiety seemed to be more important than what I was going through - I didn't really see this as a problem until my GF mentioned this is not the action of a friend.

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SaveFerris
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29 Nov 2017, 7:51 am

Raleigh wrote:

Yes, there is, unfortunately.
I hope you have not been too hurt by their behaviour.
I can only say the problem is with THEM and certainly not with you.

I don't think I have been too hurt but things like this aren't always apparent to me.
I'm recovering from a breakdown so unfortunately when my behaviour is questioned I internalise and look for faults.
If this had happened a year ago it would of really messed me up.

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SaveFerris
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29 Nov 2017, 7:55 am

the_phoenix wrote:

That's interesting because the turning point in their behaviour seemed to be when I was talking about the differences between an online anonymous friend on a help forum and a real life friend.

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SaveFerris
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29 Nov 2017, 7:58 am

naturalplastic wrote:

. Still haven't recovered from it. Oh well.

Sorry to hear about that dude. Do you think this is a human thing , an Aspie thing or something else ?

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Raleigh
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29 Nov 2017, 2:54 pm

Maybe it's a fear thing.
Like, you get too close so they panic and sabotage the friendship.

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Temeraire
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29 Nov 2017, 4:57 pm

Raleigh wrote:

Maybe it's a fear thing.
Like, you get too close so they panic and sabotage the friendship.

I was thinking something like this, Raleigh.
It all becomes too much to maintain the relationship so it is easier to push the other away.

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