Feel like I have to save everyone after friend's suicide

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rats_and_cats
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10 Dec 2017, 2:16 am

My friend killed herself in May. It's now December and I've been having a hard time moving on because I feel like I have to save everyone because I've been depressed and suicidal and I lost a friend to suicide. And I get frustrated when people refuse to help themselves after I send them links to dozens of resources and a whole list of things that have worked for me and for others. I know logically that this is ridiculous and that people need to change from within and lots of those people are being manipulative, but I still feel this crushing guilt that I'm doing something wrong. I actually have stepped away from the more demanding people and as far as I know they killed themselves because of me because that's what they said they'd do if I left. I've told all this to the counselor but she assumes since I know all these things logically I should be perfectly fine. She tells me I'm wise and caring and then sends me on my way. That's not what I need. I don't know what I need but talking to people hasn't helped so far. I'm confused and upset and I'm worried I'll lose myself trying to help others. I'm also intensely frustrated that I'm the only person with depression who actually wants to get better and is at least trying. I guess overall I feel trapped.



Cat23
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10 Dec 2017, 6:40 am

rats_and_cats wrote:
My friend killed herself in May. It's now December and I've been having a hard time moving on because I feel like I have to save everyone because I've been depressed and suicidal and I lost a friend to suicide. And I get frustrated when people refuse to help themselves after I send them links to dozens of resources and a whole list of things that have worked for me and for others. I know logically that this is ridiculous and that people need to change from within and lots of those people are being manipulative, but I still feel this crushing guilt that I'm doing something wrong. I actually have stepped away from the more demanding people and as far as I know they killed themselves because of me because that's what they said they'd do if I left. I've told all this to the counselor but she assumes since I know all these things logically I should be perfectly fine. She tells me I'm wise and caring and then sends me on my way. That's not what I need. I don't know what I need but talking to people hasn't helped so far. I'm confused and upset and I'm worried I'll lose myself trying to help others. I'm also intensely frustrated that I'm the only person with depression who actually wants to get better and is at least trying. I guess overall I feel trapped.



Ok first I can only applaud u! You have it in a nut shell that u have to want to get better to get over depression I get so fraustrated with ppl who groan about having depression but don’t take their meds!
Maybe for a year u can give urself a bit of different direction? It’s so lovely u want to help ppl but is talking to them the best use of ur energy? there is a lot of bland that needs doing meals on wheels, habitat for humanity?



rats_and_cats
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07 Jan 2018, 11:43 am

Volunteering more often sounds like a great idea. I used to volunteer a lot before college. Unfortunately I don't have a car when I'm on campus because the parking is awful. I'll try to find a group that provides transportation though. And do you know of any way to volunteer online?



BeaArthur
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07 Jan 2018, 8:59 pm

A friend's suicide can really do a number on your head. In my opinion, you need to accept that you have been traumatized by this situation, and give yourself time to heal from that trauma. You can save other people better after you are strong and well yourself. Doing for others is a mood lifter, but be careful you don't get in too deep and then just feel worse. Other mood lifters are exercise; cultural activities; socializing; and self-care. Could you try something like that and try to be as healthy and strong as you can be, without guilt?


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rats_and_cats
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07 Jan 2018, 10:18 pm

I'm trying to do that, but it's a slow process especially with my seasonal depression.



BeaArthur
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08 Jan 2018, 9:43 am

I understand, believe me. I have seasonal depression too and I have also lost a friend to suicide. Be patient with yourself on this - you're only human.


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