So, 30 years old now, and realizing all the hopes and dreams I used to chase are all for nought, after one of my best friends died last year, and I've started losing friends ending up having less friends. I used to want a long term relationship with someone, but that didn't happen in my 20s. I did get laid a couple times in my life, but it meant nothing. Nowadays, I'll just go to work, try to make ends meet, go home, be bored on weekends because I don't have money to go out and I have to catch up on credit cards; My car is having problems, so now I'm going to be more behind. Set back after set back, I have given up on traveling to other countries. I am going to less parties. I'm not even invited to parties and social events anymore. Life is just dull and pointless. Instead of being depressed to cope with this reality, I subscribed to nihilism; Nothing in life matters. It will be forgotten, no matter what is accomplished. So I'll try to have fun, but when things got tough, I sat on the lower parts of the Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs, wondering if I'll ever find someone, wondering if I'll ever have a career, and now that I'm 30, I decided.... nope. I tried to brainstorm entrepreneurial ideas, look for ways to make extra income, but I'm stuck and in some ways feel oppressed by reality. Life is really tough. Nihilism, believing that nothing I do matters, rather than letting my past mistakes give me depression is better. I'm more stoic, emotionless, and probably empty. The old me is dead. The new me is alone with just the internet to talk to.
01 Jan 2018, 4:10 pm
