Especially on certain times it can become pretty bad. I have a history of making these posts, but I'm just an anxious person. What makes it far worse is that if something is giving me anxiety, my own parents eventually get tired of hearing about it, and either say I'm "b*tching and moaning" or they want to try to change my subject. (hmm, maybe if I actually hurt myself or thought of suicide, they would act differently, but even then I guess not). Hear my supposed aspiration for self-harm back there? I would never even say that if my parents had another attitude, but no matter what they can't "get me". I thought parents were supposed to be supportive, but now I think they almost hate what I want to say that gives me anxiety or fear.
Honestly, I wouldn't really miss them that much if they passed at this point. The only thing that I thought they could do was to "feel" my anxiety. But, no, my mom is completely oblivious to possible sources of fear/anxiety, she is stuck thinking that "nothing bad will ever happen in the world". Whatever she willingly knows it or not, it feels like she is only giving me false hopes.
And my dad can get intimidating when he is angry or annoyed. He always calls my anger or anxiety "b*tching and complaining" no matter what it is. Sometimes I wish I could make him small and have him shut-up, but no, I can't imagine what he'd do about things. I sometimes wish I could somehow blackmail him with the interactions I had dealt with that weren't positive.
Still, my parents aren't the really bad kind, but I'm just getting annoyed and upset because they are only making my fear and anxiety worse.
And the specific things I deal with right now: I am copying this and quoting it:
Quote:
/r I am angry at God for the increasing likelihood of war with North Korea and China/Russia in the US (WW3) and the uncertainty of what will happen next. I wish I could have lived a longer life until 60s+ without dealing with being too young to die by being 26. I am pretty confident that I think in most ways, being young sucks today. Maybe the cold war times were bad, but that already came to pass a long time ago. It even makes me want to trade that experience for today instead.
I don't hear any sign of "confirmation" that is supposed to be sourced from God that we will all be okay on earth. It's bothering me a lot with the recent stories/tweets about it these last few days.
Oh yeah, and no marriage/sex relationships in heaven/"summerland". It doesn't sound logical that anything even under a different name that is similar to it happens "up there", even though it always appealed to me and I always hated the thought of dying single and especially without any earth-experience like that already. I'm mad at God about that too, and I wonder if I even want to go anywhere at all.
r/
I don't want to be told anymore that "God will always have my back", no because I think he wants to make all of us miserable. It doesn't matter that we have a "free will" at all. I tried to make peace in the past a few times, but I always end up ditching it.
I feel a bit of guilt
besides this fear/anxiety at the same time.
02 Jan 2018, 11:15 pm
