Starting over...

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Before I start, I would like to apologize to everyone on this site. I said stuff that are best left unsaid, so I am highly aware of it. I also wasn't on the right medication at the time; I initially weaned off my antiseizure meds, but little did I realize that they can be mood stabilizers as well. That's when things started falling apart.

I became an angrier person than I was before. I got into more fights and arguments that weren't necessary. At one point, I was pink-slipped into a mental institution for my anger. I did not fit in at all. I was the only Aspie there, so I lacked the social skills to communicate with other patients. I also missed my husband, family, friends, and cats. I was also part of a depression forum for a while, but there were certain stuff I am not allowed to say there, so I am pretty much done with that.

My husband and I moved into an apartment complex in Akron last year. Even though we have more independence, we are now looking into moving into a house in Middleburg Heights. Why, you ask? Honestly, the apartment complex that I live in sucks. Besides looking like it was built in the '70s, I could hear the neighbors, which means they can hear us as well. And no, I'm not just talking about intimate moments with my husband, I am also talking about the dumb arguments we had there as well. We had several close calls because every argument we had, the neighbors could have called the police, and I could have been arrested for disturbing the peace. Also, there were stinkbugs everywhere. I would see at least one everyday, but we didn't call an exterminator because 1) we couldn't afford one, and 2) even if we did, our landlord would not approve of them tearing the apartment just to find stinkbugs.

I also have been suffering from night terrors since last year. Sometimes I would wake up screaming and/or swearing, and even swinging my arms. My husband is concerned, and think that the med changes have something to do with it. Some nights, I am scared of going to sleep due to knowing that I may have another night terror. I actually woke up from one last night, and I was so disgusted with myself, that I spent the rest of the night sleeping on my bean bag chair in the living room.

Honestly, all I want is to be happy again. I almost sabotaged my own marriage several times already, and I really don't want to do it any more. And I don't know if you guys are willing to welcome me back with open arms, because I have received almost nothing but hatred on my last days here. All I want now is to erase every dumb move I did, and start over again.

To err is human; to purr is feline.....

Welcome back.

I feel you. It’s not nice being scared to go to sleep.

I got ridiculed and humiliated in my last flat because of the screaming and yelling in my sleep, hence why I cannot live with people without severe anxiety now. It’s something that’s completely out of your control.

A troubled soul meets another. Maybe we could try meditating before bed? I am not sure if it works.

Welcome back.