Never being allowed to tell anyone

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I was never allowed to tell anyone the details of my rape . I have NEVER been allowed to give a play-by-play of it, telling someone about it, let alone collapsing in their arms and crying and them hugging me and me HOWLING! and bawling and crying and telling about the day that destroyed my life (maybe just the first ). Not sitting on the other side of a desk, collapsing into someone and being held (non-sexual) and holding them
Crying. My father never let me talk about it .

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...If even just once before I die it's my ambition to be held in someone's arms and hug them/be hugged and go through all the details about the rape . If it could only just happen.I'm sloppy and big and noisy and whiny, it would be messy .
If only it would .

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

If you would be nicer to people, they’ll be nicer to you. Even if they’re nasty to you.

I believe in this strongly. I know I am more inclined to hug a consistently nice person than one who is constantly berating me.

...I don't think you were ever offering to hug and listen (and you're not in physical proximity to me --- did you think I was f*****g talking about you I wasn't imagining an offer of that sort from you ! I didn't hear that from you .
I suppose perhaps I"m NO GOOD, and NOT DESERVING to talk about it . My life's trauma . Piss off!! !

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Wtf was that about? I did nothing wrong, bro.

No, you weren’t talking to me. Yeah. I know that.

Totally uncalled for, buddy.

I wouldn’t mind giving you a hug—when you’re in a better mood.

Hey ASS-P. Glad to know you're doing better. Sorry about the rape thing. I know how you feel because I've been there. <<<HUGS>>>

I shouldn’t have come across like that. Sorry about that, ASS-P.

But you also have to give a little, too, I believe. You should be a buddy to people, too.

I was just saying you could improve yourself, like I have to improve myself.

What are you reading now? Any good comics?

I was “raped” by a man once, too. I feared for my life. It probably wasn’t as bad as what you went through, though.

I couldn’t “tell” anybody, either.

I hope we can shake hands. I didn’t do the right thing earlier.

...So that's an apology then there?

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Isn’t it obvious?

I usually admit when I’ve made a mistake.

What about you? I don’t believe what I’ve said deserved your hostile response.

...So it is one?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Please refrain from screaming and cussing at each other in The Haven.

Thanks.

...RR yes, the CHF water is finally going - I am feeling better but I'm not sure how better, and I don't have time to post now as I thought, it's at least possible that this phone could break again and the not breaking I described above was only a temporary respite.
I generally get to see some TCM movies now when I'm in the hospital. There's a TV there.
Remember, I do not have a TV, and haven't for many years - depending on how you define " don't have a TV ".

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Yes, on my end it’s an apology.

How about you?

Reminds me of this article I read recently about the root causes of some peoples' depression/anxiety possibly being childhood traumas. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/op ... b658c46a21


ASS-P, can't you request to speak with a Psychiatrist or other mental health professional who's job it is to listen to these sorts of things so that people in your situation can get them off their chest & begin to heal from them?

I know you're not a fan of mental health professionals or doctors, but if you don't have a personal friend or family member in your life to have this conversation with, a professional may be your very best surrogate.

Also.. from others' posts here, this seems to occur far more frequently than it should - especially in years past. Wow. It's nice to see that society is evolving & more males report sexual abuse and more and more abusers are being held accountable. Hopefully that societal shift is even just the littlest bit comforting to all of you, knowing that the probability of this happening to more and more children is lessening by the day, and fewer and fewer people will have to suffer from the lifelong consequences. People speaking up, even in anonymous posts like these on forums, have value. They're a part of preventing it from recurring. Thank you all for your contributions to a better future.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.