I'm such a f**k up

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Thank you Anne.

YellowBanana, sounds like you had a couple of challenges, especially on that one day, but you seemed to deal with it pretty well!

I'm trying to deal with stuff over on my side. I've been studying for my boards like a mad person. The amount of material I have to remember is absurd. So I might not know exactly what you're going through, but believe me, I can understand stress.

Sorry I haven't been around, I've just be literally studying and studying and studying some more.

Hi AspieDad

I'm sorry you are feeling stressed - one thing is for sure though, if you don't do well in your boards it won't be for lack of trying. I think you'll probably do well if your approach to study is anything to go by.

I am being discharged from hospital tomorrow. I don't really feel any better, but because I have a BPD diagnosis I was admitted under the BPD pathway which limits crisis/respite stay to 4 days. They recently started imposing this, which feels very arbitrary to me. Still, the day I planned to carry out my suicide plan has passed while I've been in here and despite still feeling very suicidal and wanting to carry out my plan I have not, yet, set another date. I am looking forward to seeing my cat. But that's about all.

Are they giving you any meds i.e. antidepressants and such? If you’re this depressed, I’d imagine that’d be needed?

I already take an antidepressant and a low dose antipsychotic (which is supposed to act as a mood stabiliser). They didn't change them while I was in hospital.

My cat was my best friend when I was depressed.

Do you have a Persian?

I had one—-but all my subsequent cats were “alleycats.”

No, I don't have a Persian. Here's my gorgeous boy...

Your kitty looks he can protect you against many muggers

He looks very nice and kind, too.

He look like he's up for a fightAfter he's been fed.

Ha! You've both got his character correct from the photo.

Is your cat strictly an indoor cat? Every cat I had was strictly indoors (not that I've had a lot of cats, only three).

No, he's allowed outside. He was an indoor cat when I lived in my previous (rented) flat - but he was always trying to get out. Since I bought this flat and installed the cat flap, he can come in and out as he pleases, and seems much happier for it.

i suppose no one can catch a break these days, if you're broke like me, you assume because you're at rock bottom you have nothing to lose except your life, whereas if I were to gain a sizeable amount of money in the next few years, there will be things taken away from me that I would have taken for granted like not just mental illness worsening but physical things like amputations or heart disease which would eventually take away my independence and dignity that I would hope to achieve in my lifetime.

I'm pretty f****d up too. Reason - for no reason. it just being stigmatised and severely discriminated as male autistic in this society. Everywhere I do for my passions and compassion I get attacked and see me burden in social and relationship world. I have been asked so many time for meet new people to make new friends. I took that advice and never worked. It makes me more super lonely. Giving up not trying nor looking for a love and new friend will make it worse too

How are you doing YellowBanana?

YellowBannana, we haven't heard from you in awhile. Would you mind dropping us a note? I'm sure you're going through a lot as your court case comes closer, so we don't expect you to report that life's amazing....just want you to be okay....