"Nice guys finish last"

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Whenever I wondered why being nice wasn't getting a girlfriend despite how my peers and elders told me I needed to be nice if I wanted a girlfriend, I was told "Nice guys finish last." by others.
There's even a website called Heartless b*****s International that states "Nice guys? Bleah!" among other things. This didn't encourage me at all; it made me feel even more depressed and hopeless. The message I was getting was that I needed to become like the football jocks and other "bad boys" who were getting all the girls despite how they physically harassed them as well as put their own interests over theirs'. I still feel like this is the case even as I approach my 30's. I go through each day alone while couples pass me by or people are meeting each other while I can't even join in on the social scene. Why did this life deny me happiness?

Would you be happy if you were anything other than a nice guy?

If you're consistently a jerk, you prove you can afford to be one. If you're a nice guy, it's natural to assume you don't have the balls to be a jerk, because you know others would hurt you. Which one shows more strength?

Your not the only one that feels hopeless when it comes to dating. I feel quite hopless that I will ever meet anyone and stay with them. I just dont know how. I havent had much luck with men. All my boyfriends were jerks. I just dont see anyone coming into my future. But Im not giving up. Despite the fact I have no idea how to meet men, Im not giving up.

Why’d you date jerks?

My guess -- Because she can!

I would prefer not to date a jerk. The guys Ive been with started out normal but turned out to be jerks. Hopefully not because I turn guys into jerks!

Jerks are able to convincingly fake who they really are. My father does this all the time with his mistresses. He'll make them think they are in a loving relationship when he is actually married and is cheating.

Then the problem with acting like an asshat should be fairly obvious, yeah?

"Finish last" my ass.

First of all: Stop listening to idiots. It's a bad habit for anyone to get into. And certainly dont start thinking you should actually ACT like them.

Second: STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. Over and over again you post these topics, and over and over again they're a display of this attitude you need to get away from. This "I cant possibly ever do anything" attitude.

I've said this before, and I'm saying it again.... from personal experience.... the moment you start believing you cannot win, is the moment you have already lost. It really is that simple.

You want to win at something? Then you have to get up and DECIDE to win. Not go "woe is me" and just sort of run through some basic routine, waiting for something to happen.

Here's the thing: Until you do something about that attitude, you will not get what you are after. Period. You've effectively already decided upon your own defeat with this, so how could you get anything working while in that state?

And believe me: People you meet ABSOLUTELY WILL pick up on all of this. Particularly NTs. It's likely to be one of the first things they notice. So not only will you have damaged yourself with that attitude, but they'll SEE it, and respond accordingly.

So: The first step, stop acting like that. Just stop. Get yourself up, and find some way to get motivated. Dont sit around moping, you're only doing more damage that way, believe me. I dont care if you have to jump up and go punch a wall for 20 minutes to get fired up, just do SOMETHING. The best thing you can do though is find something to engage your mind. Hell, some sort of self improvement might go a long way here. You want to meet people? Have someone like you? Then make it so that you have more to offer. Go learn stuff. Whatever that "stuff" may be.

But the second part of that: "more to offer" doesnt mean "fake it". You wont be offering a damn thing that way. Get away from that idea that you need to fake something. Take that idea, and send it back to the abyss where it belongs. If you're after a relationship for whatever reason, get a REAL one... whether it's romantic or just friendship. Neither type benefits from fakery. At all. What it does do is eventually (often sooner rather than later) hurt everyone involved.

And lastly... and this is very important... realize that this DOESNT HAPPEN QUICKLY. It can take quite awhile to meet people.... even moreso if you're in a crappy area (and if you are? Find a way out.). But also, try going to different places. People have this bloody stupid idea that places like bars and... er... bars... are the only places to meet people. Nope, try again. If you're subscribing to THAT idea, then it's no wonder you dont get anywhere. And keep trying different ideas for places to go and people to meet. If some place isnt working? Stop going there.

Even if it takes months to meet anyone... you still cant let yourself descend into this crap. I mean, look where it's gotten you so far, eh?

Again: If you dont pull yourself out of it, you're not going to get anywhere. Seriously. That's all you have to do in order to be able to get started on the road to what you want. But YOU have to *do* it. You have to actually take the steps. No amount of moping around is going to make anything happen at all.


And that's enough out of me. Good luck to you.

Make your weakness your strength, women will appreciate someone whose not the 'macho a**hole' stereotype. A lot of the reason why people date those guys is cause they're manipulative and draw the girl in, she falls in love and his bad side comes out, and she's so in love she can't bear to leave even though he is not nice nor considerate.

Talking to women is overrated. Just ignore them and they'll become interested.

Forget being the nice guy (but don't be the bad guy either.) If something feels right then do it and don't pay any mind to what people might think of it. They think you're cool and a bit of a rebel when you do X? Whatever! They think you're a kind gentleman when you do Z? Also whatever! Don't do anything because you think it'll make others like you; do things because you want to or because it's the right thing to do. This way if someone does get interested in you they really will be interested in you, not the person you've pretended to be.

I sort of felt this way when I was single. It seemed like guys showed the most interest in mean, manipulative girls. I sometimes would see guys leave their girlfriends to be with these types of women. I don't really understand how someone like that could be so much more appealing than someone who is nice. A lot of them are charismatic, but I feel like it's off putting when they are acting that way to manipulate others.

I sort of felt this way when I was single. It seemed like guys showed the most interest in mean, manipulative girls.

I sometimes would see guys leave their girlfriends to be with these types of women.

I don't really understand how someone like that could be so much more appealing than someone who is nice. A lot of them are charismatic, but I feel like it's off putting when they are acting that way to manipulate others.

I just fear the amount of time I have left or if I have any time at all. I struggle with wondering if I can still find a girlfriend or if my time ran out a long time ago and any hope I get is false hope.

There’s only one way to try to find out. If you ever find a girlfriend, you’ll know your fear was unfounded. Otherwise, you’ll never know, but at least you tried.