Grief and aspergers

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I'm currently dealing with the death of a close friend and mentor. His death was sudden, near the end of November. I thought I was dealing with it really really well but it turns out my reaction was just delayed. The grief I'm feeling is painful and I seem to be melting down more frequently. I'm not an angry person but there's been an element of anger to my meltdowns. I got scared because last time it happened I broke some of my things, which is so unlike me. My doctor thinks it's just grief and that's how I'm expressing it. I guess knowing that makes it less scary but I hope it doesn't last forever.

I'm looking for resources, I can't afford therapy so I'm wondering if self help books would be helpful? I'm not sure if I need to grieve around people, for example. Has anyone heard of or experienced grief from an autistic point of view? Do you think we would process it differently?

I've occasionally had a muted or delayed grief reaction. Perhaps if you take some time to be alone with your feelings, with no work or social demands, this could be helpful. One time, I wrote a poem to the deceased. Or you could work out some sort of gesture or ritual - taking flowers to the grave, or making a memorial contribution, or a visit to the person's family, something like that.

It sounds to me like you've been holding off the grief and loss feelings, because they would overwhelm you, but that only works for so long. So try to find a way to express them, not destructively, but honoring the feelings you do have. If you are angry at the loss of your mentor, it's okay to feel that (as long as you don't vandalize anything, break anything, or hurt anyone).

While I've never had a close friend die, I've been through the death of family members.

Honestly, I'm unaffected by it. My grandfather died when I was 7 and I just accepted it. I wasn't sad about it (not to say that I was happy of course) but I didn't feel any strong emotions as a result of it. My other grandfather died this past year, and it was the same way. It's certainly possible that I know death is a natural part of life, or that I can't form the emotional connections to be affected by their loss.

I don't know what the relationship you two had was like, or the circumstances of his death, so I can't give you any specific advice. However, are you sure this is grief, or is it possibly because you no longer have someone to fulfill the role that your friend provided in your life?