Is this right?

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OK so I was sitting on a bus, at the front on a double decker, just listening to my music, when some woman came up with a little kid and started to put the kid in the seat next to me and looked like she wanted me to move so she could sit where I was. There were other people on the bus too but there was still more than plenty of avaliable seats. I wish I stubbornly stayed where I sat, but I hate toddlers near me, so I got up and moved, and the woman just sat down in my seat without a thought, and I had to choose another seat. I know I could have said something but I am too polite and didn't want to make a scene. I wish I did though, because why should people get away with being f*****g a***holes?

I've been treated unfairly often, but I've never had somebody actually force me out of my seat on a bus before. I never seen it happen to anyone else either. f*****g b***h. I feel so f*****g angry.

It's obviously not right, but it happens to me too. I don't even think it's the fact they want to sit where you're sitting... I think it's a power thing (just my opinion). I think you did the right thing even though it's really annoying. Sometimes I feel that I've spent the last 62 years getting out of everyone elses' way... then they look at you like they've just stepped in a dog turd. Leave them to it... you'll never see them again, but they have spend the rest of their lives with themselves.

I've always reassured myself that I have the right to a seat once I'm in it and that nobody's got the right to abort me from my seat, and that the only time that may be appropriate to be moved is if a disabled or elderly person politely asks if they can have my seat if there are no other avaliable seats. Often people have sat in my 'favourite' seat before but I would never dream of forcing them out of the seat if they were there first.

This woman was only on the bus for about 5 minutes before getting off again. I still cannot believe she actually forced a stranger out of their seat to sit there like that. The seat behind me was avaliable. And people wonder why I get anxious going out alone in public. It's because of these sorts of unexpected situations that seem to only happen to me. I do take it personally.

I want to say "get over yourself," but that would be seen as hostile, so I'll just comment that nobody forced you out of your seat. You chose to get up and find a different one because you don't care for toddlers. You didn't own the seat that the child sat in, and any rider had a right to that vacant seat.

You are allowing this (probably mindless) action from other riders to make you anxious and angry. I really think you should reduce the number of things that jack up your physiological arousal, because it is mainly you who suffer from everyday events that annoy you.

My feeling is that this is a case where you really shouldn't "take this on."

You have enough battles in life; why add more when it can't be resolved, anyway?

This is not an invalidation of your feelings---for I've felt similarly. You just have aggressive people who lack consideration for others.

As we proceed through life, we are beset with "microaggressions" all the time. If we took all these microaggressions on, we would just go nuts.

Yeah, better get used to it.

Ways to get me to leave a seat:
• Smoke.
• Play loud music, or, even better, loud non-music.
• Yell.
• Whistle.
• Spit.
• Pick your nose.
• Stink.
• Look hostile and be clearly able to beat the crap out of me.
• Look hostile and like you could easily have some kind of weapon somewhere and be willing to use it on me if I cross you, which I’m probably already doing simply by existing.
• Be part of a hostile-looking group, or a group which seems intently interested in my seat.
• Let a kid, a dog or another undisciplined creature you have start messing with me and look away or show how funny you find it.
• …

If you use public transport or are anywhere else where strangers usually congregate, you need to be ready to stand all the time and to move at a moment’s notice. Or else.

No, she didn't need to sit there right next to me when there was plenty of avaliable seats. They could have sat behind me. The kid looked too young to really care where it sat, and the woman was the adult in charge, so she could have easily just sat behind me with her kid, or on any of the avaliable seats. Most parents or carers prefer to sit with their young offspring anyway, not perch the kid next to a stranger for no reason. It might be more understandable if the bus was full, but it was nowhere near full. And she made me feel obliged to get up and move, because when she was forcing her kid into the seat next to me she looked like she was aiming to sit in my seat. Usually people instinctively avoid sitting next to a stranger on a bus when there are other avaliable seats, it's like a hidden rule thing people follow. It's common sense too, and respect of other people's privacy.

I mean, if I came on here and said "oh, I made someone feel obliged to move from their seat on the bus today. I had a 1-year-old with me, and I so desperately wanted to sit in a seat that was taken, so I made my kid sit in the seat next to her hoping the seated person would move, and they did, so without thanking them or feeling guilty or embarrassed, I took the seat", I bet all the members here would be like "oh my God why would you do that if there were other seats avaliable? How rude and disrespectful."

The NT always wins.

As long as you don’t get into a physical fight, the most socially skilled person always wins. That’s what social skills are for.

Not always. The NT doesn't always win.

Amen.

And social skills can be learned, even by people on the spectrum.

I still say nobody forced you out of the seat - you got up because you don't like being near toddlers. Which I can totally understand. But nobody forced you to move, and if you didn't like that mother's attitude, you could have just looked out the window and listened to music.

When you attribute negative motives to other people's behaviors, you add to the hostility of your universe. What is true is that you really can't know what is going on in anyone else's head, and if you're autistic, your best intuition about someone else's head is probably wrong. So best not to go mind-reading.

The fact that I 'chose' to move isn't the point. It was the way the woman was so eager to sit her child in the seat next to me when there was a choice of empty seats behind or the other side where she could have sat with her child instead of having her child sit next to a stranger for no particular reason. So it was more a matter of principle. Even if someone had sat next to me without a kid, I still would think it was strange being so there were other seats were empty. And if I sat next to someone when there were other seats available, the person would probably think I'm weird or being intrusive.

Had there been a full bus with no or very few avaliable seats, and the woman wanted to sit her child down, I would have understood more. So what made me angry was the fact that she put her kid next to me without thinking about my personal space and doing it in a rude way too. She could have said "sorry, do you mind if my little girl comes and sits here?" or something. But she didn't. And it looked to me like the child wasn't keen on sitting next to me either, not in a personal way, but she just looked agitated, while the woman was forcing her to sit there in that seat.

I think you have every right to be pissed off. Neurotypical people can be so weird.

Everyone has a right to be pissed off by anything. This doesn’t mean being pissed off, let alone showing it or focusing a lot on it, is a very practical thing to do. You get to choose your behavior, not that of others.

When you choose to be considerate to others, such as leaving a seat for them or not sitting down in the first place, I don’t think you should really view it as respecting a right of theirs you’re also entitled to have respected in return. It’s something you do for your own selfish interest, because you wouldn’t like the consequences of behaving otherwise. People are bound to have different criteria from yours, and this includes deciding to take advantage of you if they think they can get away with it. You have to focus on what you do in response, and pick your battles wisely.

And how exactly do you conclude that the mother was neurotypical?

If there were other seats, empty side by side pairs of seats, available for her to be next to her kid, then I agree with you that her behavior doesn't make any sense.

Maybe if you're young, or look young, its understandable.

When I ride the subway when its standing room only I still have the same habit I had when I was in college of NOT grabbing a seat immediately when the number of riders goes down. But of holding back a moment and letting the old folks, and the infirm have a shot at the seats first. That even though I have gray hair, and could be classified as one of "the old folks" myself now.

Her kid is probably a handful and she feels driven to steal seats from folks to keep an eye on the kid maybe. Who knows. Don't let it get to you.

These sorts of situations do get to me. It's like I always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I'm just no good at handling these things. It's like I'm a target. There could be 100 people in a room, of all different ages, races AND neurologies, and I gaurentee you that I will be the one person targetted in any way.

As I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time, it's a wonder I haven't been struck by lightning yet....